Lawyer Jokes Quotes

#1. I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

John Roberts

#2. Well, I think that Catholicism's basic foundation of faith is personal conscience. I think it's between you and God, not you and the Church.

Martin Sheen

#3. Nobody touches my ding dongs!

Ray S. Jones

#4. Twain please!" Peck blubbered. "It was never personal. It was just business!"
"Oh Peck, do you think I'm mad at you? I"m a lawyer. I don't get mad. I don't get even." Twain gave him a wicked smile. " I sue people.

Arthur Daigle

#5. Adventure is really always just subjecting yourself to something unfamiliar

Jenny Erpenbeck

#6. There's a certain kind of motion and pacing that our music has, and this just doesn't have that. We just kind of rushed to the conclusion of most of the songs. I just would've preferred to done them over.

Branford Marsalis

#7. Lawyer's credo: Anyone can sue anyone for anything.

James Patterson

#8. Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He's just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it.

Kelley Armstrong

#9. I cannot be contained ... bec ause I am the container

Jim Carrey

#10. Pessimism only describes an attitude, and not facts, and hence is entirely subjective.

Francis Parker Yockey

#11. God does not leave you wondering whether you are saved or not. He tells you outright that you are His and that nothing can ever separate you from the love of Christ. Not even sin because His blood is greater than your sin!

Joseph Prince

#12. I wouldn't call Gabriel Walsh if I was on fire." She pursed her lips. "No, I might. To sue everyone responsible - from the person who lit the match to those who made my clothes. But I'd wait until the fire was out. Otherwise, he'd just stand there until I was burned enough for a sizable settlement.

Kelley Armstrong

#13. There is no philosophy that will help us to succeed if we doubt our ability to do so.

Joan Bennett Kennedy

#14. You don't have to shout, sweetie. I can read you just fine in lower-case letters.

Meg Cabot

#15. The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client.

Joseph Hansen

#16. The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies ... I'm not really a lawyer.

Tina Fey

#17. A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Magdalen Braden

#18. I have to relearn how to walk again. It's not that you have to reteach yourself. But your mind and your foot have to get back on the same page, and remind yourself that it's OK to do this. You've done this before. It's reminding it what it's supposed to do again.

Tony Stewart

#19. I suffer, therefore I am special. I am not understood, but for precisely that reason, I am worthy of greater understanding. 13.

Alain De Botton

#20. Arguing with a lawyer is not the hardest thing in the world; not arguing is.

Raheel Farooq

#21. Nurse: "You look like a pharmaceutical rep. you can leave samples in the closet."
Joe: "I'm actually a lawyer."
Nurse: "My condolences.

Jodi Picoult