Ken Dodd Quotes

#1. I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told Ken Dodd to get his teeth fixed. But those teeth turned out to be one of Dodd's big selling points.

Paul Merton

#2. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Ken Dodd

#3. Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!

Ken Dodd

#4. As I lifted her up in my arms, my heart racing with delight;
I knew in that moment, my bookmark had found a new home for a night;

Ray

#5. Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Ken Dodd

#6. My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'

Ken Dodd

#7. Yes; my brother Bobby used to distribute records at King Records. I had a job there, too, packing records up and shipping them off. But I always wanted to play sessions at Stax, so I figured out a way to do it.

Donald Dunn

#8. Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.

Ken Dodd

#9. The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.

Ken Dodd

#10. Bow down before the one you serve, you're going to get what you deserve.

Trent Reznor

#11. My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.

Ken Dodd

#12. I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Ken Dodd

#13. A child's work is to create the person she/he will become.

Maria Montessori

#14. It is a maxim in philosophy that ambitious men can be never good counselors to princes; the desire of having more is common to great lords, and a desire of rule a great cause of their ruin.

Thomas Wentworth, 1st Earl Of Strafford

#15. I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist's dummy, I'd perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.

Ken Dodd

#16. Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.

Ken Dodd

#17. If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute - I've got to have them.

Ken Dodd

#18. Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.

Ken Dodd

#19. I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

Ken Dodd

#20. Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.

Ken Dodd

#21. Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.

Ken Dodd