Top 34 Jasper Carrott Quotes
#1. Having signed a few autographs in my time, I always wonder what the heck people do with them.
Jasper Carrott
#2. I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer.
Jasper Carrott
#3. They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.
Jasper Carrott
#4. My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That's provided he hadn't died of a heart attack by then.
Jasper Carrott
#5. When I hit the scene, there was Billy Connolly and Max Boyce. It was all mother-in-law and Irish jokes, and we broke the mould. Now there are thousands of comedians out there, and I don't think I can be above it all.
Jasper Carrott
#6. The feminist movement as at present instituted is Inadequate.
Mina Loy
#7. I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure.
Jasper Carrott
#8. There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.
Jasper Carrott
#9. I should be more vocal about the things I believe are doing us harm, but many years ago in my early twenties, I learned a bit of a lesson. I started to realise at that time the benefits of eating healthy food and drink.
Jasper Carrott
#10. I felt the need to get back to painting and I thought the best way was to start drawing, so I enrolled in a life drawing class. I soon discovered that people made very interesting subjects and I am still surprised that I had never discovered it before.
Peter Wright
#11. I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line.
Jasper Carrott
#13. I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis.
Jasper Carrott
#14. I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit.
Jasper Carrott
#15. Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott
#16. The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.
Jasper Carrott
#17. The purpose of psychology is to give us a completely different idea of the things we know best.
Paul Valery
#18. Stop in the middle of a sentence, leaving a rough edge for you to start from the nest day - that way, you can write three or five words without being "creative" and before you know it, you're writing.
Cory Doctorow
#19. I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.
Jasper Carrott
#20. I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from.
Jasper Carrott
#21. I worked with fantastic actors, fantastic directors. People I would never otherwise have met. Was I limited? Yes. Did I use it as I could have? No. But I was always ambivalent about Hollywood and what I wanted. And ambivalence in our business is no good for success.
Valeria Golino
#22. The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.
Jasper Carrott
#23. I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.
Jasper Carrott
#24. A piece of cloth that is called "linen" has more validity than calling you and me "black" or "negro." "Cotton" has more validity as cotton than yours and my being "black."
Jamaica Kincaid
#25. I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as simple as not being unhappy.
Jasper Carrott
#27. While the vast majority of hackers may be disinclined towards violence, it would only take a few to turn cyber terrorism into reality.
Dorothy Denning
#28. But if we are truly happy inside, then age brings with it a maturity, a depth, and a power that only magnifies our radiance.
David Deida
#29. I think, though, that perspective-awareness may follow from a kind of speaking that also came into my work more recently - the "assay" poems (some labeled that, some not) that engage an abstraction or object from multiple angles.
Jane Hirshfield
#30. I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank.
Jasper Carrott
#32. I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
Jasper Carrott
#33. Listen, I gather you have a problem working with a psychic. Believe me, I don't like working with a jackass any better.
Kim Harrington
#34. There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.
Jasper Carrott
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