Top 100 Ilona Andrews Quotes
#1. Finally, thank you very much to Jeaniene Frost and Jill Myles. This book does have sex in it. Please don't hit me anymore."
~Ilona Andrews in the Acknowledgements section of Magic Bleeds
Ilona Andrews
#2. I prefer the term 'sexual deviant' myself," Saiman said.
Ilona Andrews
#3. I can always tell when you're thinking about food. You forget to be the Serious Wolf and you get this dreamy look in your eyes. You know, most people would think you were thinking about a girl. They have no idea that her name is bacon.
Ilona Andrews
#4. How was I supposed to know that you let two little bears hurt you, Goldilocks?"
"Ah, yes, that mouth. I missed it. All mine now.
Ilona Andrews
#5. Between the journeymen, vampires crouched like monstrous gargoyles: hairless, corded with a tight network of steel-hard muscle, and smeared in lime-green and purple sunblock. Bubble-gum-tinted nightmares.
Ilona Andrews
#6. The top bag popped, and a metric ton of old lasagna spilled onto my pants. The stench of soured spaghetti sauce washed over me. Ew. Of all the trash from this whole giant building, I had to step on a bag from the food court. Damn it.
Ilona Andrews
#7. I could have fixed almost everything else, but death defeated me every time.
Ilona Andrews
#8. True strength isn't in killing - or ignoring - your opponent, it's in having the will to shield those who need your protection.
Ilona Andrews
#9. Getting a lecture on restraint from the woman who threw a hissy fit and blew up Babylon.
Ilona Andrews
#10. The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell architectural styles.
Ilona Andrews
#11. What kind of a woman greets the Beast Lord with 'here, kitty, kitty'?
Ilona Andrews
#12. It a dude and a girl, and the house and wooo scary things happen and then they kill everything.
Ilona Andrews
#13. I just had to stay cool. Zen. No punching in the face. Punching would not be Zen.
Ilona Andrews
#14. They say a hundred-and-thirty-pound woman has no chance against an athletic two-hundred-pound man. That's a lie. You just have to make the decision to hurt him and then do it.
Ilona Andrews
#15. Morfran thrust his axe straight up. He pretty much seemed to have one sign for everything: poke a hole in the sky.
Ilona Andrews
#16. Being human in our world is synonymous with being included into the framework of society.
Ilona Andrews
#17. Why the rifle? Everybody knows you can't shoot.
Who were these everybodies and would they like to stand in front of me, preferably within ten feet, so I could discuss this issue in greater detail.
Ilona Andrews
#18. At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?"
"No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God!
Ilona Andrews
#19. I know William," Kaldar said. "He's married to my cousin, Cerise, who is more like my baby sister. If her life and happiness were at stake, William would burn the world just to see her smile. Jack is a changeling like William. He would move the earth and the moon to protect his brother. "So
Ilona Andrews
#20. He strained to say something else. I leaned toward him. He focused on me. "Rape," he promised. "Many, many times. Until you bleed ... "
"I'm so flattered.
Ilona Andrews
#21. Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything.
Ilona Andrews
#22. Next to me Arabella, wearing the same outfit I did, pursed her lips together and took a selfie. Ugh.
Ilona Andrews
#23. Just reflecting on the fact that when the Universe punches you in the teeth, it never just lets you fall down. It kicks you in the ribs a couple of times and dumps mud on your head.
Ilona Andrews
#24. Oh my gods. The alpha of Clan Cat just got smacked with a rolled-up newspaper.
Mom!
Ilona Andrews
#25. Still think she is worth it?" Mahon asked quietly.
"Of course. She is my mate."
Mahon sighed. "So you decided then."
"Do you think we'd be laying here bleeding in the snow if I wasn't sure?"
"Good point.
Ilona Andrews
#26. I can be a good dragon, when the occasion requires it.
Ilona Andrews
#27. Great, now I've turned into a manga character who repeated everything everyone said.
Ilona Andrews
#28. Why couldn't she have gotten another Edger or some dimwit from the Broken for a passenger? No, she got Lord Leather Pants here.
Ilona Andrews
#29. I make a bad mom, but I can pull off a crazy aunt.
Ilona Andrews
#30. Bono give you any terms?"
"Me, the Crusader, and you. Tonight."
How nice. A party for the top three on the upir's most wanted list.
Ilona Andrews
#31. Why could nothing with Kate be simple? Why couldn't Jim ever just come by to tell me that he had bowled a perfect game or benched a personal best.
Maybe finally asked that weird tiger girl out.
Ilona Andrews
#32. Did I hurt you in the parking lot?" "No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car." Great.
Ilona Andrews
#33. I'm a substitute mom."
"You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.
Ilona Andrews
#34. I wasn't moaning your name. I was shrieking in alarm." "That was the sexiest throaty shrieking I've ever heard.
Ilona Andrews
#35. Bleed him and I'll skewer you like a stuck pig," I said through clenched teeth.
"No, you will try. You'll wave your sword around and talk a lot of shit and then back off at the last minute. And then I'll snap your neck and his.
Ilona Andrews
#36. Does it involve breaking and entering?" A little smile stretched Raphael's lips. "I see His Majesty made a move. Has he asked you to make him dinner yet?" I growled. "This isn't about me and Curran.
Ilona Andrews
#37. It wasn't real. I deluded myself. I had this aching need to be loved and it was screwing with my head. Sometimes, when you crave certain feelings, you'll trick yourself into thinking the other person is something other than what he appears.
Ilona Andrews
#38. The phone rang. I picked it up. "Kate Daniels"
"It's me," Curran said. "I - "
I hung up.
Ilona Andrews
#39. It's not a loup cage, you know,' I told her. 'It's a holding cell. Or safe room. or secure room. I don't think Jim ever settled on a term he could live with.'
'Aha. It's a loup cage.' Andrea cleared her throat. 'I touched it with my finger and it hurt. Is that in case of marital problems?
Ilona Andrews
#40. Go to the Black Sea, meet new people, see beautiful places, get killed by a mutant carnivorous kangaroo goat. One item off my bucket list.
Ilona Andrews
#41. Sometimes life just kept punching you in the teeth, no matter how many times you got up.
Ilona Andrews
#42. I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
'What's this?'
'A needle.'
'What should I do with it?'
He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.'
- Kate & Saiman
Ilona Andrews
#43. Just wait until he figures out I shut him out of his slut hut.
Ilona Andrews
#44. You're not going to die?"
"Not right this minute." And of course, saying something like that usually resulted in immediate dying. I braced myself for a stray meteorite falling through the roof to crush my skull.
Ilona Andrews
#45. Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing.
Ilona Andrews
#46. Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?"
"Yep."
"Is he carrying the moon on his pitchfork?"
"Nope it's a pie.
Ilona Andrews
#47. He said, 'Yeah, but will I get chicks? In truckloads?
Ilona Andrews
#48. Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don't have to do it, but it's here if you choose to come back to it.
Ilona Andrews
#49. Maybe I should roll down the window to let some of the sexual tension out.
Ilona Andrews
#50. She swept away, putting an extra kink into her walk. I would not have thought that a woman with an ass that bony could make it wiggle so much but she proved me wrong.
Ilona Andrews
#51. We live in Houston, Texas!" Grandma wiped her hands with a rag. "You'd get heat stroke.
Ilona Andrews
#52. You don't return your phone calls." The vampire leaned forward, tapping my doodle with a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?"
"Yep."
"Is he carrying the moon on his pitchfork?"
"No, it's a pie. What can I do for Atlanta's premier Master of the Dead?
Ilona Andrews
#53. He said 'woman' in the same way I'd say 'Mmmm, yummy chocolate.
Ilona Andrews
#54. Crazy Curran ranked right up there with monsoons, tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters.
Ilona Andrews
#55. I will kill him."
"Erra's eyebrows rose. "You'd have to go through me first."
I shrugged. "I have to do something for a warm-up."
She laughed softly. "That's the spirit. I do think you might be my favorite niece.
Ilona Andrews
#56. Damn boudas. I tell him he's under siege and he goes to take a nap.
Ilona Andrews
#57. Some men got excited by white lace and a translucent negligee. My love muffin got excited by a woman dressed to murder. There was probably something deeply twisted about that. Lucky for me, negligees were never my thing.
Ilona Andrews
#58. It seems that we had ... not a better education, per se, but perhaps more incentive to use it. They learn, but they hardly think.
Ilona Andrews
#60. I had come here intending to declare a possible war and instead ended up planning a dinner date with my father at Applebee's.
Ilona Andrews
#61. You're the most experienced investigator I've got who's not tied up in something, and I can't ask the Consort to look look into it, because A) she and Curran are working on something else and B) when the Consort gets involved, half of the world blows up.
Ilona Andrews
#62. Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed."
"Yeah, you'd think I was a detective or something."
Andrea held her hand out. "You'll jinx it.
Ilona Andrews
#64. Dear rabbis, I'm so sorry, I nuked your circle dude. Here is his head as a souvenir. Yeah, that would fly.
Ilona Andrews
#65. I would not leave you. I'll be there. Wherever you want 'there' to be.
Ilona Andrews
#66. Obnoxious smart-ass. Never been anywhere, never done anything, huh. Arrested development, huh. Considering that it was coming from a man who spent his nights peeing on his neighbors' fences, that was rich. Shoot, I should've told him that.
Ilona Andrews
#68. THE SKULL GLARED at me out of empty eye sockets.
Ilona Andrews
#69. This is payback, isn't it?" Jim glared at me. "Don't be ridiculous," I told him. "As the Consort of the Pack, I'm far above petty revenge.
Ilona Andrews
#70. Wasn't sure who would win then. TEN KALDAR lay on a low ridge, wearing one of the Mirror's night suits.
Ilona Andrews
#71. Will I get nights of ecstasy?"
"And days. Ecstasy all the time.
Ilona Andrews
#72. a tyrant, and a conqueror. He was never elected to the office. He would probably laugh at the idea. And if he did somehow decide to hold elections, he would magic the masses into electing him, because he would honestly believe that he was best qualified to rule wisely. Having
Ilona Andrews
#73. What do you mean fainted?
Took a dive, kissed the pavement. Swooned like a southern belle after her first kiss. Had a dreadful case of the vapors.
Ilona Andrews
#74. Curran looked at me. What the hell was I supposed to do, catch the werebison as he was falling?
Ilona Andrews
#75. The porch light came on and Aunt B swung the door open. Middle-aged and stout, with graying hair rolled into a bun, she looked like she should be baking cookies, not ruling a brood of social deviants with a penchant for hysterical laughter and kinky sex.
Ilona Andrews
#76. I have spent my spare time studying literature popular with young women of this planet. One should always study the battlefield."
Sean glanced at him. "And?"
"I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl.
Ilona Andrews
#77. I can't hate people that much. Don't get me wrong. I want to murder every last Keeper I can find. But that's not hate. That's vengeance.
Ilona Andrews
#78. I'm sorry about the dinner."
"Best date ever. Well, until people died and vampires showed up. But before that it was awesome.
Ilona Andrews
#79. I'm your father. That's the great privilege of parenthood; we can comment on whatever we want.
Ilona Andrews
#80. Long strands of drool stretched from between his fangs and dripped on the pavement, sending a heady scent of jasmine to swirl through the air. Perfumed monster spit. What was the world coming to?
Ilona Andrews
#81. Is this you trying to cheer me up?"
"What are you ... going ... to do about it?" I asked. "Your Wussiness?"
He touched his index finger to my forehead. His voice was rough. "Tap. You're out, Ass Kicker.
Ilona Andrews
#82. You can't blame me," Ascanio said. "Anybody in my place would be concerned. You don't even have a proper horse. You're riding a mutant equine of unknown origin."
"Don't disrespect my donkey
Ilona Andrews
#83. Enter my lair, said the dragon. I have shiny treasure for you to play with, I'll keep you warm and safe, and if it suits my purpose, I'll chain you to the floor and kill your client by throwing quarters at him with my magic. Been there, done that.
Ilona Andrews
#84. If you're really hard up, I can introduce you to my grandmother. She's a fan." Adam blinked. "She doesn't typically sleep with pretty young things, but she would make an exception in your case. You might even learn a trick or two.
Ilona Andrews
#85. Andrea stared at me. "You're not taking me seriously!"
"That's probably because you're not excited enough," Derek said. "You should clench your fists like they do in the movies, shake them, and yell, 'This is bigger than any of us! It goes all the way to the top!
Ilona Andrews
#86. Despite the hour, customers already flooded the market, men, women, and children of every color and race looking for the magic cure to their problems. They were what allowed the poachers to exist. They'd stop poaching if people stopped buying.
Ilona Andrews
#87. William glanced at her sword. His upper lip rose, showing her his teeth. My, my, Lord Bill, what big fangs you have. That was all right. She wasn't Red Riding Hood, she wasn't scared, and her grandmother could curse his ass so hard, he wouldn't know which way was up for a week.
Ilona Andrews
#88. Her face looked like it would shatter any second.
Ilona Andrews
#89. Mishmar. Your father's hellish prison he cobbled together from the remains of office buildings from Omaha, which he destroyed. The Mishmar that's stuffed to the brink with mutated vampires. That Mishmar." "Yes." "You
Ilona Andrews
#90. She who showed weakness to teenagers would be picked on to death. True fact of life.
Ilona Andrews
#91. Are you going to let me go?" Jack asked quietly.
"I'm thinking about it."
"So Gaston gets let go but I don't?"
"I like him more than I like you.
Ilona Andrews
#92. How have you been?" my father asked.
Say something diplomatic ... something ... "If you build a tower in Lawrenceville, I will smash it, set it on fire, and salt the ground it stood on.
Ilona Andrews
#93. I paused with the pen in my hand. "He burst into flames?"
"He became engulfed in fire."
"Was his buddy made out of orange rocks and at any point yell, 'It's clobbering time'?
Ilona Andrews
#94. And just when I thought the pain had dulled, my mind would betray me and bring Dad back to life in my dreams. Sometimes I didn't realize that he was dead until I awoke and then it was like a punch in the stomach. And sometimes I knew in my dream that I was dreaming, and I woke up crying.
Ilona Andrews
#95. Every handsome man had a flaw. It was just her luck that in William's case that flaw was lunacy.
Ilona Andrews
#96. A ghastly attempt at a smile, sure to send any normal person to a therapist.
Ilona Andrews
#97. I have a vamp body for you," Andrea said. "It's in the freezer."
I gave her a nice smile. "You shouldn't have.
Ilona Andrews
#98. Landon spun the wheel. The Land Rover nearly careened, turning off the road. Landon parked and bolted out of the car, slapping the driver's door closed behind him.
Ilona Andrews
#99. She'd been around long enough to know that it was a rare man who fully accepted responsibility for his actions, who didn't offer any excuses.
Ilona Andrews
#100. Where to now?" I asked.
"Hold on," Robert said. "I'm still ... coming to terms with your mode of transportation."
"Take your time," I nudged Cuddles, turning her to give him a better view. Cuddles flicked her ears, lifted her feet, and pranced. Oh dear God.
Ilona Andrews
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