Humorous Travel Quotes

#1. Motto of the U.S. airline industry - "We're Hoping to Have a Motto Announcement in About an Hour."

Dave Barry

#2. Space: the gaping hole between land and other land.

SE Zbasnik

#3. France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's open for business.

P. J. O'Rourke

#4. From my novel, "A Twist in Travel:Fate," "What, you've never seen a grown man naked?!

Bobby Simonds

#5. Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go ... "All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?

Robin Williams

#6. I wanted to find my voice, so I sat in silence.
I wanted joy, so I cried my heart open.
I wanted wisdom, so I capered in bodacious foolishness.
I wanted freedom, so I felt my bonds.

Catherine Scott

#7. I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

Dave Barry

#8. I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe.

Jon Ronson

#9. Screw the shops; I want a duty-free office.

Rishi Piparaiya

#10. Now, tomorrow Miss Laurie McCrae and me, we have an appointment with a sky pilot who will make it proper for us to travel in double harness.

Louis L'Amour

#11. ...life's about accumulating wrinkles, deep as rivers and as wide as is needed to travel along their path, so that by the time you're ready to die, your life can be read.

Liam Howley

#12. Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum."

Dave Barry

#13. For a man to get married and stay married, he must detach from and disavow the three things that bind him to reality: sex, travel, and near-death experiences.

Brian D'Ambrosio

#14. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

P. J. O'Rourke

#15. In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does not travel fast enough to catch the Italian drivers.

Dave Barry