Top 100 Groening Quotes

#1. To alcohol! The cause of ... and solution to ... all of life's problems

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #22277
#2. If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #26186
#3. Let's face it, all the good stuff happens after midnight.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #43346
#4. It's just hard not to listen to TV: it's spent so much more time raising us than parents have.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #53457
#5. Don't have a cow, man.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #70407
#6. I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #77179
#7. This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #83221
#8. I thought I was going to make crazy cartoons for the rest of my life. I didn't think I'd ever get paid for it, didn't think I drew well enough, but I knew it made me happy.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #87675
#9. I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicrats for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #102078
#10. When you're as important as I am, getting your feelings hurt by me is almost an honor.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #104255
#11. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #110880
#12. I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #116088
#13. A lot of our writers, like Conan O'Brien, moved on to other things

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #123424
#14. Basically, everything I try to do is to present an alternative to what somebody else is doing.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #138805
#15. The conundrum that I face on a daily basis is that I have two sons who have grown up watching 'The Simpsons,' so they know exactly what buttons to push. They know how Bart irritates Homer, and they use these lines against me to tell me that I'm not funny anymore.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #148874
#16. Stop thinking about fun and have it
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #161567
#17. The writers led by Mike Scully are fantastic. And they're creating original stories that not only don't repeat what we've already done, they also don't repeat anything I've seen on television.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #173585
#18. When DVDs finally disappear, I'm going to be sad. I'll miss the commentaries.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #174158
#19. The thing that makes me happiest about Simpsons Illustrated are all the drawings that we get from readers. I wish we could print them all. They're really imaginative. They show a lot of hard work.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #179602
#20. We've been running a little behind schedule. But only by about 15 years or so.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #181488
#21. You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #188758
#22. With Charlie Brown, it was about loneliness and isolation. I always thought that the thing about Charlie Brown and those characters was the absence of the parents. Half the strip was about who wasn't there. The parents were never in the picture.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #190683
#23. I draw a weekly comic strip called Life in Hell, which is syndicated in about 250 newspapers. That's what I did before The Simpsons, and what I plan to do for the rest of my life.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #190740
#24. I think in daily newspapers, the way comic strips are treated, it's as if newspaper publishers are going out of their way to kill the medium.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #194845
#25. 'The Simpsons' from the very beginning was based on our memories of brash '60s sitcoms - you had a main title theme that was bombastic and grabbed your attention - and when you look at TV shows of the 1970s and '80s, things got very mild and toned down and ... obsequious.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #205856
#26. I'm a writer who just happens to draw.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #209126
#27. A lot of people believe that if everybody just did what they were told - obeyed - everything would be fine. But that's not what life is all about. That's not real. It's never going to happen.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #218277
#28. I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I will do it again.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #231001
#29. Judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #234584
#30. I want it to go on, but I want us to go out on top.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #236393
#31. You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #238042
#32. Your cable television is experiencing difficulties. Please do not panic. Resist the temptation to read or talk to loved ones. Do not attempt sexual relations, as years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #238778
#33. Once he gave her a Rothko book - an interesting choice, since like Elliott, Rothko also attended Lincoln High School in Portland (as had poet Gary Snyder and Simpsons creator Matt Groening). The

William Todd Schultz

Groening Quotes #242491
#34. Oftentimes, what seems to be a street lunatic charging at me spouting gibberish turns out to be a devoted 'Simpsons' fan quoting their favorite line.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #246244
#35. You toyed with my heart, like it was a toy heart. (Lisa Simpson)

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #248550
#36. 'The Simpsons' is an especially collaborative show.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #257668
#37. 'The Simpsons' is about alienation and the ambivalence of living with a family who you love but who drive you completely crazy.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #258529
#38. I like the 'Simpsons' pinball machines. Those are pretty great.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #262535
#39. I judge my life by how miserable it used to be. If I could pay my rent, I was deliriously happy. Now I'm deliriously happy all the time.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #264601
#40. I gave away 'Life in Hell' when it was a little 'zine, and sold it at record stores for $1, and I knew from the time that I first did it that I would continue to do it, because it was fun.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #281113
#41. Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #286400
#42. You've got to embrace the future. You can whine about it, but you've got to embrace it.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #306605
#43. 'Adult Swim' on the Cartoon Network is unbelievable. And 'South Park' continues to do great stuff. And 'Family Guy' and the various other Seth MacFarlane projects are amazing.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #311440
#44. Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #344763
#45. I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #356328
#46. Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #377106
#47. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #379417
#48. Did you hear something?"
"No."
"Did I hear something?"
" ... I don't know ...

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #395324
#49. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games, romances, best friends, location of friend's houses, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #401756
#50. I personally like the idea of newspapers. It's a good format. You can read it in whatever order you want. You can glance at it. There is something about a single screen and scrolling through pages that just doesn't have the same appeal.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #476167
#51. Ned, have you considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
Reverend Lovejoy

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #476991
#52. Charles Schultz is a really interesting case. He wrote that comic strip and drew it himself from beginning to end, and it's a work of genius. It's very simply drawn, but it has some really deep emotions that you don't expect in a silly-looking comic strip.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #477213
#53. It's a funny show. The characters are surprisingly likable, given how ugly they are. We've got this huge cast of characters that we can move around. And over the last few seasons, we've explored some of the secondary characters' personal lives a bit more.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #480477
#54. Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #482642
#55. With animation, because you can draw anything and do anything and have the characters do whatever you want, the tendency is to be very loose with the boundaries and the rules.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #485303
#56. I think human beings probably resonate with audiences more than bunnies, but who knows?

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #494403
#57. 'The Simpsons' basically - and 'Futurama' - are really smart shows. They're kind of disguised as these goofy animated sitcoms, but the references within the shows, if you're paying attention, are pretty smart and pretty sophisticated.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #495810
#58. One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named Scrunchie!

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #512449
#59. Si vas a hacer trampa, hazla con todas tus fuerzas

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #531775
#60. If at first you don't succeed - give it up. It isn't worth the pain.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #539101
#61. I have less to do with 'The Simpsons' every season, but I stick my nose in here and there. Basically, it's just trying to keep the characters consistent and making sure the show has a soul.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #548497
#62. Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #548620
#63. The thing about a cartoon is, you can do whatever you want. The tightrope that we are walking on 'The Simpsons' and 'Futurama' is 'How do you continue to surprise the audience, but make them good surprises?' Not every surprise is good, but you want to continue jolting people.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #562691
#64. English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #567717
#65. Most TV shows don't reward you for paying attention.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #569983
#66. When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!
(Homer Simpson)

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #573032
#67. As astute followers of 'Life in Hell' will notice, Akbar and Jeff wear the same striped T-shirt as Charlie Brown. 'Peanuts' was very important to me.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #579914
#68. With 'Futurama,' I was just worried that somebody would beat us to it; it seemed so obvious that there should be an animated science fiction show set in the future. And one of the reasons why it's not, I learned, is that it's really, really difficult.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #581337
#69. Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?" Homer: "Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #583294
#70. Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Mr. Burns

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #591772
#71. Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #593000
#72. I went to Bali, and I was in a small village, and somebody who was with me showed a woman a little figurine of Bart and asked: 'Do you know who this is?' And she said: 'Mickey Mouse.'

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #597871
#73. Sometimes people try to read into my strip and find out what my state of mind is. And I can say if I'm in a good mood, generally the comic strip starts out in a good mood, but the punchline is very negative and sour.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #597884
#74. Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #601637
#75. Back in high school, I wrote a novel about a character named Bart Simpson. I thought it was a very unusual name for a kid at the time. I had this idea of an angry father yelling 'Bart,' and Bart sounds kind of like bark - like a barking dog.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #658548
#76. For some reason, a lot of Hollywood big shots are curious to see how they'd be drawn with bulging eyes and no chin.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #659238
#77. I pledge impertinence to the flag waving, of the unindicted co-conspirators of America, and to the republicans for which I can't stand, one abomination, underhanded fraud, indefensible, with Liberty and Justice.. Forget it.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #678729
#78. I have to say that The Simpsons comes from a huge number of great writers headed by Al Jean, the show-runner, and the work that they do is really fantastic. It's a blast just to sit around with them in the writers' room and listen to all the filthy jokes that will never get on the air.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #702228
#79. My standard comment is, 'If you don't want your kids to be like Bart Simpson, don't act like Homer Simpson.'

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #705558
#80. I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #718582
#81. But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #724486
#82. Lisa, I apologize to you, I was wrong, I take it all back. Always be yourself. If you want to be sad, honey, be sad. We'll ride it out with you. And when you get finished feeling sad, we'll still be there. From now on, let me do the smiling for both of us.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #729859
#83. I've found that child's play -stuff that was not considered serious, but goofy- was the stuff I liked to do, so I still do it as an adult.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #752356
#84. When The Simpsons came around, there really was nothing else like it on TV. It's hard to imagine, but when Fox first took the plunge with it, it was considered controversial to put animation on prime time.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #768708
#85. I'll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #770245
#86. One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me, the critiques about humor by people who have no sense of humor.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #786801
#87. The amazing thing about Freak Out! was that there was nothing quite like it in rock 'n roll at the time. It was really simultaneously crude and ugly, and incredibly sophisticated. The Beatles were funny, but there was nothing with the kind of sneer that you could feel in the music of Frank Zappa.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #797883
#88. Batman's a scientist.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #803993
#89. But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #807399
#90. On 'The Simpsons,' I will say that we definitely like to comment on what's going on in the world, and we try to be funny. If we can figure out a way of being funny about it, then we've gone part of the way of accomplishing our task.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #821921
#91. I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #823335
#92. God often gives nuts to toothless people. - Matt Groening

Ann Brashares

Groening Quotes #848133
#93. Nihilism in American comedy came along way before 'The Simpsons.' There was a fairly nihilistic point of view to 'Saturday Night Live,' for instance, back in the beginning, and a lot of really dark comedy had a really anti-sentimental take on life.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #849856
#94. People go into cartooning because they're shy and they're angry. That's when you're sitting in the back of a classroom drawing the teacher.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #861079
#95. One of the things I would like to do is make up stories that I would have enjoyed when I was a kid. So, if I'm thinking about an audience, it's usually a younger version of myself.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #890835
#96. How can I be expected to love someone who tries such crude manipulations as bringing me breakfast in bed?

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #894823
#97. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #902357
#98. [I spent] much of my time reminding Matt Groening that I really need to be a head in a jar on Futurama.

Neil Gaiman

Groening Quotes #925382
#99. We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #942183
#100. Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

Matt Groening

Groening Quotes #949040

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