Top 41 Grizzard Quotes
#2. They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
Lewis Grizzard
#4. The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
Lewis Grizzard
#6. I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
Lewis Grizzard
#7. On a New York subway you get fined for spitting, but you can throw up for nothing.
Lewis Grizzard
#8. Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"
Lewis Grizzard
#9. I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
Lewis Grizzard
#10. I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
Lewis Grizzard
#11. There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
Lewis Grizzard
#12. Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
Lewis Grizzard
#13. Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life's work.
Lewis Grizzard
#14. If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
#15. In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.
Lewis Grizzard
#17. I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
Lewis Grizzard
#18. The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
Lewis Grizzard
#19. Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.
Lewis Grizzard
#20. I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.
Lewis Grizzard
#21. When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?
Lewis Grizzard
#22. I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
Lewis Grizzard
#23. I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
Lewis Grizzard
#25. Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
Lewis Grizzard
#26. It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
Lewis Grizzard
#27. It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
Lewis Grizzard
#28. Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did, someone else would own the orchard.
Lewis Grizzard
#29. If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.
Lewis Grizzard
#30. If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi
Lewis Grizzard
#32. Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
#33. There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Lewis Grizzard
#34. The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.
Lewis Grizzard
#35. The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
Lewis Grizzard
#36. Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
Lewis Grizzard
#37. If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
#38. You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'
Lewis Grizzard
#41. God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.
Lewis Grizzard
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
