Top 100 George Burns Quotes
#1. My favorite comedians were Jimmy Durante, George Burns, senior citizens.
Joseph Bologna
#2. Through the miracles of modern medicine George Burns still chases pretty girls, and through the miracle of modern psychiatry he intends to find out why!
Frank Welker
#3. George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?
Johnny Carson
#4. So George Burns and my grandpa took me to my first baseball game.
Leigh Steinberg
#6. Not too many people are - were as good as Bob Hope. George Burns was great at thinking, you know, on the spot. Steve Allen was marvelous, and so was George Burns. But Bob may be the king of them all, you know.
Rich Little
#7. I am very much inspired by the great masters of entertainment: Bob Hope, George Burns, Jimmy Durante - who never thought about retiring. When people ask me if I plan to retire, I say, "Retire to what? I am doing what I love best right now!"
Tony Bennett
#8. I think in my case, I had no choice but to have a good sense of humor. I grew up with my dad, Danny Thomas, and George Burns and Bob Hope and Milton Berle and Sid Caesar and all those guys were at our house all the time and telling jokes and making each other laugh.
Marlo Thomas
#9. George Burns ... the only man I know who does fool Mother Nature.
Ronald Reagan
#10. When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend ... well, a legend, anyhow.
Don Rickles
#11. I kind of like the thought of God looking like George Burns.
Norm Cowie
#12. Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
#13. George Burns was a Vaudeville performer I particularly loved.
Tom Waits
#14. The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.
Erma Bombeck
#15. George Burns, what a man. He read in the paper that it takes ten dollars a year to support a kid in India. So he sent his kids there.
Red Buttons
#16. There's been periods of broadcasts in the past where you could see all ages of entertainers, ranging from George Burns to Shirley Temple. That's not the condition now.
Merle Haggard
#17. George Burns was the father I never had.
Bobby Darin
#18. If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage.
Bob Newhart
#19. If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
George Burns
#20. Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
George Burns
#21. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the fire that burns against the cold, the light that brings the dawn, the horn that wakes the sleepers, the shield that guards the realms of men.
George R R Martin
#22. I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns
#23. I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
George Burns
#24. This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.
George Burns
#26. I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.
George Burns
#28. Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
George Burns
#29. First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
#30. Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns
#31. If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.
George Burns
#32. Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
George Burns
#33. In what other business can a guy my age drink martinis, smoke cigars and sing? I think all people who retire ought to go into show business. I've been retired all my life.
George Burns
#34. When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.
George Burns
#36. A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.
George Burns
#38. People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways - I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.
George Burns
#39. My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine; I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.
George Burns
#40. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns
#41. Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.
George Burns
#42. Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.
George Burns
#43. I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else ... I never lied better.
George Burns
#44. Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns
#45. Much later in life, though, Gracie made a major contribution to the opera world. She stayed out of it.
George Burns
#46. I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.
George Burns
#47. I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.
George Burns
#48. I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.
George Burns
#49. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns
#50. There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
George Burns
#51. Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.
George Burns
#52. Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.
George Burns
#53. At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.
George Burns
#54. I suspect people are going to vote for Max Burns because they know him as local boy who's got - share their values.
George W. Bush
#55. It's better to be happy doing something you love, even if you don't find success right away.
George Burns
#56. Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
George Burns
#57. Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
George Burns
#58. I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
George Burns
#59. None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother got around to naming one, there was another on the way.
George Burns
#60. People are always asking me how much I'm worth. Well, all I can say is, I've got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes.
George Burns
#61. I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.
George Burns
#62. Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns
#63. There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.
George Burns
#64. I worried about playing God (in the movie Oh God). We're about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.
George Burns
#65. I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.
George Burns
#66. The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
George Burns
#67. I'm onstage for an hour.I do an hour of stand-up. Actually, I do 10 minutes standing up and 50 minutes sitting in a chair. Oh, occasionally, I stand up again to do a dance or put over a song. But mostly I sit down. A great invention, sitting down.
George Burns
#68. When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.
George Burns
#69. In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
George Burns
#70. As hope kindles hope, millions more will find it. By our efforts, we have lit a fire as well - a fire in the minds of men. It warms those who feel its power, it burns those who fight its progress, and one day this untamed fire of freedom will reach the darkest corners of our world.
George W. Bush
#71. It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
#72. Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
George Burns
#73. I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.
George Burns
#74. There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
George Burns
#75. A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.
George Burns
#76. Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
George Burns
#77. I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.
George Burns
#78. Wine makes all things possible. GEORGE R. R. MARTIN, The Mystery Knight A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. GEORGE R. R. MARTIN, A Game of Thrones Nothing burns like the cold. GEORGE R. R. MARTIN, A Game of Thrones Laughter is poison to fear.
George R R Martin
#79. By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.
George Burns
#81. What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.
George Burns
#82. If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
George Burns
#83. Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.
George Burns
#84. I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
George Burns
#85. Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
George Burns
#86. I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn't take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.
George Burns
#87. In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
George Burns
#89. There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
George Burns
#90. I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.
George Burns
#91. If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.
George Burns
#92. The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.
George Burns
#93. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
George Burns
#94. How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
George Burns
#95. I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
George Burns
#96. This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns
#97. When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
George Burns
#98. Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
George Burns
#99. Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.
George Burns
#100. And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
George Burns
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