Gardell Quotes

#1. Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on the audience. No one wants to see someone talk who takes themselves too seriously.

Billy Gardell

#2. As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Billy Gardell

#3. When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Elizabeth Gilbert

#4. I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.

Billy Gardell

#5. It came to that" the first time you sentenced a man to death that you knew to be innocent.

Abby Mann

#6. I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent New Year's there once. I'm not trying to namedrop.

Billy Gardell

#7. You need a wisecracking buddy standing next to you? That's the role for me. You got the guys who are knock-down, drag-out handsome. That's what people want to see. Let that guy be the hero. But there's always a role for the Everyman.

Billy Gardell

#8. Look, you know, you can't please everybody. I'm a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn't matter how funny you are and how well you do, there's two people that are going to walk out of there hating you.

Billy Gardell

#9. I try to learn as much as I can because I know nothing compared to what I need to know.

Muhammad Ali

#10. Woss the matter with you?" asked Big Ted, irritably. "Go on. Press 'D.' Elvis Presley died in 1976."
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT SAYS, said the tall biker in the helmet, I NEVER LAID A FINGER ON HIM.

Terry Pratchett

#11. And what's great is, you know, while 'Mike and Molly' are working on their health, that's their flaw, the people that surround them are actually- that's the mess. Those two have it together the most.

Billy Gardell

#12. They did the whole lingering gaze thing, following it with the glancing-away, smiling-knowingly routine. She felt vivacious, a feeling she remembered, she was enjoying the self-confidence, the larkiness.

Freya North

#13. The sons of Dior and Nimloth were Elured and Elurin; and a daughter also was born to them, and she was named Elwing, which is Star-spray, for she was born on a night of stars, whose light glittered in the spray of the waterfall of Lanthir Lamath beside her father's house.

J.R.R. Tolkien

#14. Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that connection you have with the audience. It's euphoric.

Billy Gardell

#15. I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there's been a thousand shows in there and now you get to be one.

Billy Gardell

#16. I think that we all know what evil is. We have a sense of what's evil, and certainly killing innocent people is evil. We're less sure about what is good. There's sort of good, good enough, could be better - but absolute good is a little harder to define.

Madeleine Albright

#17. I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kind of places.

Billy Gardell

#18. One of the privileges of childhood is that some of the world is mediated by adults.

Sherry Turkle

#19. You've got a new Spanish-language album out now ["90 Millas," released in September of 2007], and the single ["No Llores"] is #1 on the Billboard Latin chart.

Gloria Estefan

#20. You know, I'm playing the Mirage in Vegas, the main room ... About 5 percent of all comics end up as the main headliner on the Vegas Strip, so that's a big deal for me. Getting to do my stand-up the way I have this summer is really what I've dreamed of since I was about 10 years old.

Billy Gardell

#21. I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you're like that weird fat person that got skinny but still has a big head. I don't want to do that. So I'm just trying.

Billy Gardell

#22. Yeah, I've done Jim Breuer's radio show a couple times, and I heard from Larry the Cable Guy when I got 'Mike & Molly,' wishing me congratulations. I'm always the last one to the party, man. But that's okay. I got there.

Billy Gardell

#23. The quickest way to defuse fear or insecurity or anger is usually humor. I think comics figure that out quickly, and, once you figure it out, you think, 'Hey, if I can do this and get paid, that would be kind of cool.'

Billy Gardell

#24. To be a disciple of Jesus is to make disciples of Jesus.

David Platt

#25. I've been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get enough healthy food in L.A. where the food is the size of a quarter and costs $40 - when I'm in Vegas, I want a steak!

Billy Gardell

#26. 'Mike & Molly' exists in a world where we don't just say a snarky line, make a crazy face, and walk out of the room. There's actually some tender moments here, too.

Billy Gardell

#27. You start realizing that maybe you're the one night a month that people have out, and they don't need to hear your political views or how dark you can get. They just want to laugh for an hour and go home. Once I wrapped my head around that, my act evolved accordingly.

Billy Gardell

#28. I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three times a year for about 10 years straight.

Billy Gardell

#29. I come from a working-class family in Pittsburgh, whereas 'Mike & Molly' deals with the working class in Chicago. I swear a little, but I pretty much talk the same. It's not like when you see someone like Tim Allen and he's a lot bluer onstage.

Billy Gardell

#30. It is not the strengths, but the durations of great sentiments that make great men.

Friedrich Nietzsche

#31. Sometimes WRONG is worth the FUNNY!

Billy Gardell