Top 44 Funny Molly Quotes

#1. If looks could kill ... well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing.
"See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #49677
#2. She had a knack for relieving the tension in a room by pretending my rudeness away with cooking. Many, many chickens had given up their lives to cover my conversationalist shortcomings.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #62297
#3. The magician stood erect, menacing the attackers with demons, metamorphoses, paralyzing ailments, and secret judo holds. Molly picked up a rock.

Peter S. Beagle

Funny Molly Quotes #84482
#4. And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair.
Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen."
"Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #99733
#5. I grabbed my purse, which was conveniently place by the front door. Gabriel was such a considerate abductor/host. He even left the front door unpadlocked.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #105996
#6. What was that? Rich combined the pain of a crooked arm with the indignity of a flicked ear. I could only hope the situation didn't escalate to the dreaded purple nurple.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #127453
#7. Zeb was kindergarten teacher
a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #149477
#8. Objectifying is kind of a funny thing. Art is objectification, all art, because you're taking someone and making them into an object. But people can also talk back more to you when you're sketching them. They can look at you and say, 'Oh man, you got me wrong.'

Molly Crabapple

Funny Molly Quotes #241305
#9. Jane Jameson."
He grinned. "Like the porn star."
I gaped at him. "What? No, Jane Jameson."
"Oh, not as fun," he said, making disappointed clucking noises.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #306270
#10. Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #312395
#11. She's your mother. I asked, Plus, you do look a bit like her. When you're angry, you both get these tense lines around your mouth ... Look, there they are.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #379526
#12. Why not? If you're not going to let me see you naked, we might as well be girlfriends."
"You're a twisted little man."
"Come on, Stretch, share with the class."
"No!" I laughed.
"Prude."
"Perv."
"Schoolmarm."
"Some other word that essentially means perv.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #381169
#13. Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone."
"If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #395840
#14. Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #439514
#15. Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs."
"I was curious!

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #444517
#16. I would have taken Zeb, purely for entertainment value, but he had an actual date, with a real girl. That hadn't happened in a while, so I was a good friend and put my own needs second to the possibility of him actual sex with a real girl.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #647558
#17. Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.
Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast.
"What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?
Too harsh?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #656844
#18. Misery, thy name is Mudslide

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #679626
#19. None of my issues have included memory loss or unconscious actions," she said.
Thomas squinted back at her. "If they had, how would you know it?"
Molly frowned. "Valid point.

Jim Butcher

Funny Molly Quotes #780135
#20. Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #852140
#21. This is not how people behave in a Cracker Barrel!

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #854735
#22. Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #912750
#23. We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves's British accent and Gary Oldman's elderly Count Dracula hairstyle. They're just misleading.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #962933
#24. Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1036209
#25. Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1074924
#26. Dick called, but he just left dirty voice-mail messages. Let's just say if I'm ever in the market for a massage involving canola oil and marabou feathers, I'm covered.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1152677
#27. When I'm writing a story, which takes me a year or more, I can feel my character living with me - they're responding to whatever funny, familial, or social situation I'm in, and I think about their responses constantly.

Molly Antopol

Funny Molly Quotes #1223524
#28. And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me.

Molly Ivins

Funny Molly Quotes #1246033
#29. Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1264088
#30. I'm not one to say I told you so." Jane sighed. "But I'll sing it. I toooooold you soooooo!" She finished on one knee, fanning her fingers dramatically.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1269174
#31. Idiot," I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine.
"We need to pick new pet names for each other," he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1282815
#32. Dean: Don't you find that somewhat of an aberration? Doesn't this disturb you my dear? After all, it's not normal.
Molly: I know it's not normal for people in this world to be happy, and I'm happy.

Rita Mae Brown

Funny Molly Quotes #1309286
#33. My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1309689
#34. I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious.

Molly Ivins

Funny Molly Quotes #1461793
#35. Stuart Rojstaczer writes with enormous wit, style and empathy, and The Mathematician's Shiva is a big-hearted, rollickingly funny novel that's impossible to put down. A tremendous debut.

Molly Antopol

Funny Molly Quotes #1477654
#36. Love? Love is for children and poor people...

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1483441
#37. You are the night."
"I am the night," I repeated.
"You are the night."
I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. "I am the night?"
"Jane!"
"Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like a curse word?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1620987
#38. I offered you a choice, and you took it."
I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1623238
#39. Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet ... Ew, did you ... ?"
"Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1658569
#40. I always hoped for this spark of chemistry and compatibility, a flash of clarity to let me know that this was the guy, this was the time, so I should leg go and enjoy myself. But it never came. And by no small coincidence, neither did I.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1659837
#41. Does Hallmark make a "Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner" card? I settled for "How much do you remember?

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1823577
#42. I was shameless in my supermarket-shelf mass-market taste. I loved King, Evanovich, Grisham and Brown. I won't lie; the oficial-looking filing cabinet in the corner is actually stuffed full of my paperbacks.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1830281
#43. I wanted to call you, but I find myself feeling ... awkward when it comes to you."
"'Awkward' is the word du jour," I agreed. "So, I make you nervous?"
"Not quite nervous," he said. "Just unsettled."
I wriggled my eyebrows and inched a little closer to him. "Unsettled, that's even better.

Molly Harper

Funny Molly Quotes #1860359
#44. It's funny what memory does, isn't it? My favorite holiday tradition might not have happened more than once or twice. But because it is such a good memory, so encapsulating of everything I love about the holidays, in my mind it happened every year. Without fail.

Molly O'Keefe

Funny Molly Quotes #1868094

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