Top 100 Drew Carey Quotes
#1. The good news is your surgery was a success and now you look like a movie star! The bad news is that movie star is Drew Carey!
Ryan Stiles
#2. I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the ... general area.
Greg Proops
#3. Drew's a funny guy. Because anything he gets into, he gets in 100%. Even when we were doing 'The Drew Carey Show,' he got into bowling, and suddenly he's phoning up pros for tips and carrying around 3 balls. It's just how he does it.
Ryan Stiles
#4. I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.
Drew Carey
#5. When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.
Drew Carey
#6. I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.
Drew Carey
#7. Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.
Drew Carey
#8. Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.
Drew Carey
#9. I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.
Drew Carey
#11. We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.
Drew Carey
#12. I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
Drew Carey
#13. Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.
Drew Carey
#14. Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.
Drew Carey
#15. I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
Drew Carey
#16. You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
Drew Carey
#17. I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.
Drew Carey
#18. I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box ... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?
Drew Carey
#19. Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.
Drew Carey
#20. Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.
Drew Carey
#21. I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.
Drew Carey
#22. I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.
Drew Carey
#23. At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?
Drew Carey
#24. Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.
Drew Carey
#25. I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'
Drew Carey
#26. If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.
Drew Carey
#27. Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?
Drew Carey
#28. The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.
Drew Carey
#29. I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.
Drew Carey
#30. I love doing 'The Price is Right.' It's so much fun. I love meeting everybody and giving out prizes, especially when it's not my money. It's really a happy place, and everybody is all jazzed up.
Drew Carey
#31. Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.
Drew Carey
#32. My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals.
Drew Carey
#33. I looked at game show hosting as the bottom of the totem pole, one step away from infomercials. I never watched them myself. However, it's been a lot of fun.
Drew Carey
#34. What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.
Drew Carey
#35. I've got to say that I don't see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don't want to come across like that. I'd be embarrassed if that was the way I came across.
Drew Carey
#36. I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites.
Drew Carey
#37. The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.
Drew Carey
#38. If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist. That was my other dream job.
Drew Carey
#39. I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.
Drew Carey
#40. Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.
Drew Carey
#41. Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.
Drew Carey
#42. When asked if he enjoys being famous: Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.
Drew Carey
#43. The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.
Drew Carey
#44. I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'
Drew Carey
#45. My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.
Drew Carey
#46. But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.
Drew Carey
#47. There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
Drew Carey
#48. The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.
Drew Carey
#49. If frogs could fly - well, we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
Drew Carey
#50. When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.
Drew Carey
#51. I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.
Drew Carey
#52. I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet.
Drew Carey
#53. Violence doesn't solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?
Drew Carey
#54. Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.
Drew Carey
#55. Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
Drew Carey
#56. I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
Drew Carey
#57. I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.
Drew Carey
#59. There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.
Drew Carey
#60. I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.
Drew Carey
#61. I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.
Drew Carey
#62. You know what I worry about? I worry that when I hit my head, it pushes my hair into my brain, and it will eventually kill me.
Drew Carey
#63. I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.
Drew Carey
#64. Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn't believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.
Drew Carey
#65. I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
Drew Carey
#66. The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.
Drew Carey
#67. I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.
Drew Carey
#68. I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.
Drew Carey
#69. What right does a politician have to tell me what I can and cannot watch? Change the channel if you don't like what's on TV!
Drew Carey
#70. You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.
Drew Carey
#71. I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.
Drew Carey
#72. I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.
Drew Carey
#73. It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.
Drew Carey
#74. As far as exercising goes ... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.
Drew Carey
#75. Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!
Drew Carey
#76. The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.
Drew Carey
#77. It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.
Drew Carey
#78. I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter..
Drew Carey
#79. George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Drew Carey
#80. I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it's a tiring lifestyle to have.
Drew Carey
#81. The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible.
Drew Carey
#82. That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.
Drew Carey
#83. Boy, a drive-through liquor store. God bless America! A place where you can drive through and buy whiskey, beer ... just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. Cant stop now! I've got places to go, people to hit!
Drew Carey
#84. I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures.
Drew Carey
#85. The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.
Drew Carey
#86. Every election I have to hold my nose to vote.
Drew Carey
#87. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
Drew Carey
#88. I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better.
Drew Carey
#89. When I'm working, I'm going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I'm just going to do creative work.
Drew Carey
#90. It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Drew Carey
#91. The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.
Drew Carey
#92. Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.
Drew Carey
#93. 'The Price Is Right,' it was an honor to be offered it because it's such an American institution. To be able to carry on this tradition with a show that has been on for so long, I thought it was a great opportunity for me.
Drew Carey
#94. Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!
Drew Carey
#95. 'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.
Drew Carey
#96. For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.
Drew Carey
#97. The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.
Drew Carey
#98. I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.
Drew Carey
#99. I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.
Drew Carey
#100. But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
Drew Carey
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