Top 100 Derek Landy Quotes
#1. When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.
Derek Landy
#2. We've decided to get a pet," her dad announced ... "Like, I don't know, a brother or a sister?
Derek Landy
#3. Serpine: No, my old enemy, I think for the moment anyway, we're all alone. And you have something I want
Skulduggery: A winning sense of style?
Derek Landy
#4. Are you going to shoot me?' Vengeous sneered. 'I wouldn't be surprised. What would a thing like you know about honor? Only a heathen would bring a gun to a sword fight.'
And only a moron would bring a sword to a gunfight.
Derek Landy
#5. Skulduggery," the tall man said eventually, his voice deep and resonant, "trouble follows in your wake, doesn't it?"
"I wouldn't say follows," Skulduggery answered. "It more kind of sits around and waits for me to get there.
Derek Landy
#6. I... I think I broke his jaw. And bit his finger off."
"You bit his finger?"
"I bit his finger off.
Derek Landy
#7. You know when everyone tells you it's painful? You should really believe them." - Valkyrie
"Oh, joy," he muttered. "I can't wait for mine. - Fletcher, about the Surge
Derek Landy
#8. Strong-willed, intelligent, sharp-tongued, doesn't suffer fools gladly ... remind you of anyone?"
"Yes. Gordon."
"Interesting," said the man. "Because those are the exact same words he used to describe you.
Derek Landy
#9. First rule of being a detective,' the Doctor said a he knocked on the door, 'is to observe. Observe the obvious, and observe the not-so-obvious. Observing the not-so-obvious is not as easy as observing the obvious, but if it were easy everyone would be at it.
Derek Landy
#10. Do you think we'll be waiting long?" Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
"The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor," Skulduggery said. "Yes, I think
we'll be waiting long.
Derek Landy
#13. Sanguine: You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'
Valkyrie: Knock yourself out
Sanguine: Thanks
Valkyrie: No, really, run head first into a wall and knock yourself out
Derek Landy
#14. Detective, have you ever considered the fact that violence is the recourse of the uncivilised man?" Skulduggery looked back. "I'm sophisticated, charming, suave and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilised.
Derek Landy
#16. I am Vaurien Scapegrace," the woman announced, "and I'm here to save the world.
Derek Landy
#17. This is preposterous. Why would I lie? I'm not a criminal. The criminals are the ones in the cells." - Mien
"The prisoners are the ones in the cells," Skulduggery corrected. "Criminals can be anyywhere.
Derek Landy
#18. Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead."
"Of course he's dead. He's a skeleton.
Derek Landy
#19. I just want to let you know that I love you all. Even those of you that I don't like; that's you Beryl.
Derek Landy
#20. Eventually, they decided that they wanted to
Derek Landy
#21. With age comes wisdom, you ever hear that?"
"I did, but I've found that wisdom has a cut-off point of around one hundred and twenty years. Once you reach that, you're really as wise as you're going to get.
Derek Landy
#22. Skulduggery: I don't know what they are, but there are dozens of them, relatively small, moving as a pack
Valkyrie: They might be kittens
Skulduggery: They're stalking us
Valkyrie: They might be shy
Skulduggery: I don't think they're kittens
Valkyrie: Puppies then?
Derek Landy
#23. Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.'
'Do we have the right plan?'
'Not yet.'
'Do we have any plan?'
'Not yet.
Derek Landy
#24. Skulduggery was right by Valkyrie's elbow, but remained quiet. She appreciated that. Any other man would have leaped in to defend her honour. Valkyrie was quite capable of doing that herself.
Derek Landy
#25. If you can't stand to be alone with your thoughts, maybe there's something wrong with your thoughts.
Derek Landy
#26. We should have another code for when you're about to hit someone."
"Very well. How about 'the sparrow flies south for winter'?"
"Seriously?"
"What's wrong with it? It's a classic.
Derek Landy
#27. He looked at her. "We're meant to be together ... "
"And this is exactly what I mean."
"Our love is written in the stars."
"And there you go again."
"I love you."
"You bore me.
Derek Landy
#28. I don't recall seeing your friend, either. What did you say he was? A zombie? A mummy?"
"A skeleton."
"A skeleton, yeah. Haven't seen one of those in ages.
Derek Landy
#29. I have sought you out to cure me.'
'To cure you of what?'
'Of this cursed affliction.'
'I cannot cure stupidity.'
Scapegrace frowned.
Derek Landy
#30. Here lies Valkyrie Cain, who died heroically after falling of a train." At least it rhymed.
Derek Landy
#31. So he has no head'
'Thats usually what headless means'
'No head at all?'
'Your really not getting the whole headless thing are you?'
'Its just kind of silly even for us ...
Derek Landy
#32. If we're going to go through with this," he said gruffly, "then hurry it up. It's not everyday I send someone into hell.
Derek Landy
#33. That's a shame. I'm sure somebody, somewhere, cares.
Derek Landy
#34. Tanith immediately told them that Valkyrie had beaten up a priest and an old woman.
Derek Landy
#35. China's voice came through the phone. "Has the shark eaten him yet?"
"Not yet," Skulduggery muttered. "So what happens if I do it wrong?"
"Geoffrey gets eaten," China said. "Am I on loudspeaker?
Derek Landy
#36. Just put the stone in your pocket, then leave me in an empty room so I can gaze out at all the Edgleys and laugh. Or maybe I'll pretend to be a ghost and haunt Beryl - Echo-Gordon (Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing With Fire)
Derek Landy
#37. Now quit your bellyaching and dance with me, you subaquatic fool. - Susan, to Gordon (The Horror Writers' Halloween Ball)
Derek Landy
#38. We can hold them off," Shudder said. "What do you think, Skulduggery?"
"Should be fun," Skulduggery responded. "Valkyrie here has never held off a horde of zombies before. It'll be a good experience for her."
"Oh, joy," she muttered.
Derek Landy
#39. I, uh, I hit a tree."
"Well, I'm sure it had it coming.
Derek Landy
#40. Look at what you've done,' Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. 'You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.
Derek Landy
#41. You don't treat me like a child."
He smiled. "Of course I do, but you seem to have this ridiculous notion that being treated like a child means to be treated with less respect than an adult.
Derek Landy
#42. You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I ... '
'Don't?'
'Exactly,' he said happily.
Derek Landy
#43. By the time they got to Denholm Street, day had been beaten back and the night was soaking through the city.
Derek Landy
#44. What kind of trees are those?" she asked Milo. "Green," he said, and that's how the conversation ended.
Derek Landy
#45. We punch people, Valkyrie. That's who we are. Embrace your inner lunatic. Fun times guaranteed.
Derek Landy
#46. They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won't arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There's a good chance they will. But the important thing is that I've done nothing wrong.'
'For once.
Derek Landy
#47. shoulders of a skeleton, and the five people
Derek Landy
#48. Stephanie, we just want what you have. We want to have fun and we want to have powers and do exiting things. We've been talking, and we've decided that we want you to teach us magic. - Carol
Derek Landy
#49. Oh my god you're thicker than you look
Derek Landy
#50. Annis had never been a people person, unless 'people person' was defined as a person who ate people.
Derek Landy
#51. And The Darkness Rained Upon Them. The
Derek Landy
#52. The fate of the world depends upon whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives ..." ~ Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
#53. Honesty is, honestly, the best policy," said Saracen. "But when honesty doesn't work, lie, and lie convincingly.
Derek Landy
#54. You are a cynical man, Mr. Pleasant." "We live in cynical times, Miss Cain.
Derek Landy
#55. We don't do what we do for the glory or the fame or the credit; we do it for the quiet satisfaction of making the world a better place, saving the lives of innocents, and being better than you are.
Derek Landy
#56. It's a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride.
Derek Landy
#57. She's not ... She's not datin' the skeleton, is she? How would that be even possible, let alone ... nice? He's got no skin, or lips, or ... or nothin'.
Derek Landy
#58. This girl (Stephanie) is but a few months away from her seventeenth birthday and already she has saved the world and killed a god. What have you done?
Derek Landy
#59. Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
Derek Landy
#60. I love you all, even those I don't
particularly like. That's you, Beryl.
Derek Landy
#61. Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.
Derek Landy
#62. I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour."
Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.
Derek Landy
#63. Cheer up everyone, since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about? - Skulduggery Pleasant.
Derek Landy
#64. I'm in the mood for some fighting." "If there is," Stephanie said, handing him his gun, "here's something you can use." "Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent," he said, and tucked the gun away.
Derek Landy
#65. Sanguine: That hurt
Tanith: I can make this easy on you
Sanguine: You gonna give me that sword of yours?
Tanith: No, but if you tell me what Baron Vengeous is planning, I'll let you walk away from here
Sanguine: But I drove here.
Derek Landy
#66. Skulduggery, she's not being professional - Tanith Low
Derek Landy
#67. He was so strong," Francine sobbed. "So proud. So much dignity. How did he die?"
"Wood chipper," said Valkyrie.
Derek Landy
#68. Just leave her alone. You're annoying her.'
'I'm not annoying her. She doesn't even know how to be annoyed. She's, what, a week old?'
'She's three months.'
'She's three months in our years, but what is she in baby years?
Derek Landy
#69. That's ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside."
"Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.
Derek Landy
#70. Plans are invitation to disappointment.
Derek Landy
#71. Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.
Derek Landy
#72. He broke the first law of being a vampire when he killed his own kind. If he can't stick to that simple rule, how safe do you think you are?
Derek Landy
#73. Do you have a weapon for me, or do you want me to beat her to death with a large stick? - Mr Bliss
Derek Landy
#74. What is it with you women? You come into out lives, you take everythin'! Throughtout the years you got little peces of me, of my very soul, and now? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave? - Billy-Ray Sanguine
Derek Landy
#75. It all depends on what people you're talking about helping. That's the wonderful think about just about every religion on the planet - they're all so incredibly selfish.
Derek Landy
#76. A man is only as effective as the effect he has on his surroundings,' Gordon was saying. 'And if a man is not effective, if his very being is as insubstantial as thought, then what is this man? Is he a man? Or is he merely the thought of a man?
Derek Landy
#77. Scapegrace went to roll his eyes, but lost his enthusiasm halfway through and ended up looking at the ceiling.
Derek Landy
#78. Then I reckon we got ourselves a good old-fashioned standoff."
...
Nobody moved, or said anything, for the next few moments.
"Old-fashioned standoffs are mighty borin
Derek Landy
#79. I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through.
Derek Landy
#80. I thought we were a team," Annis said.
Tanith looked down at her. "We are a team."
"And Sabine? Wasn't she part of it, too?"
"She was a very important part. She was payment."
"Are you going to betray us like you betrayed her?
Derek Landy
#81. If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine.
Derek Landy
#82. The only thing we know for certain is that Darquesse is coming, and she's coming to kill us all.
Derek Landy
#83. Warlocks are dark sorcerers on a dark path. They eat the souls of their enemies to absorb their strength. I haven't gone up against one of them in ... a long time. I didn't think there were any left. - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#84. You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?"
"I try my best.
Derek Landy
#85. What did you do?" Scapegrace asked.
A series of expressions flitted across Clarabelle's face. First, there was indignation, then there was resignation, followed by hope, chased by confusion, and finally knocked down and sat upon by innocence. "Nothing.
Derek Landy
#86. You're seventeen. You're supposed to be dealing with school and hormones and dim-witted parents. You're supposed to be finding out who you are as a person." "But I already know who I am," Valkyrie said. "I'm a world-breaker.
Derek Landy
#87. You promise?"
"I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.
Derek Landy
#88. Her father sagged as relief spread through him. "I thought
something awful was happening."
She frowned. "Something awful was happening. It could have
got stuck in my hair.
Derek Landy
#89. They feed you."
"I eat people. They don't give me people to eat. They give me animals. That's barbaric. At least people have a fighting chance to get away. The animals they give me are already dead. It's sickening, that's what it is."
"Annis, you're a unique individual.
Derek Landy
#90. And I have lifetimes inside me, I'm the girl you see standing here,and I'm a cranky old professor, and I'm a peace-loving man, and I'm a killer and a maid and a king and a peasant. I am a dozen more. You think you're old? You got nothing on me.
Derek Landy
#91. I don't want a perfectly safe weapon. I want a dangerous weapon that hurts people."
He took the stick from her, rapped it against her head. She howled and he nodded.
"See? It hurts people.
Derek Landy
#92. You look angry," he said.
"You put me on hold."
"For a very good reason."
"You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
Derek Landy
#93. Razzia: what is the time?" Razzia nodded. "Time is a social construct designed to derive order from chaos.
Derek Landy
#94. Do not do that!" it said. "I have a delicate heart!"
"That it keeps in a jar on its desk," Clarabelle whispered loudly.
Derek Landy
#95. This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"Okay."
Serpine raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
"No, only joking. Do your worst.
Derek Landy
#96. I have seen the faces of our enemies!
I have looked into the eyes of our foes!
Do you know what I have seen?
[ ... ]
Faces and eyes, gentlemen. Faces and eyes.
Derek Landy
#97. Please forgive me, Pleasant said, then aimed the gun at the girl and pulled the trigger.
Derek Landy
#98. Kenspeckle was your friend."
"When all this is over, we'll see who's alive and who's dead and then I'll cry, OK? ... Clarabelle's going to feel so bad when this is done with.
Derek Landy
#99. Punishment is not the answer. Punishment is easy. It's lazy. Redemption is hard. Redemption makes you work.
-Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#100. Before her mum could start crying, Valkyrie's dad stood up. He cleared his throat, pondered a bit, and then began. It is no secret that I always wanted a son.
Derek Landy
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