Bryan Callen Quotes

#1. Clarke, define resplendent. I think it's shining, sir. Pithy, Clarke, but adequate. McCourt, give us a sentence with pithy. Clarke is pithy but adequate, sir. Adroit, McCourt. You have a mind for the priesthood, my boy, or politics. Think of that.

Frank McCourt

#2. I don't care if you're doing haute cuisine or burgers and pizza, just do it right.

Grant Achatz

#3. My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.

Bryan Callen

#4. Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.

Bryan Callen

#5. If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.

Bryan Callen

#6. Iraq has lost 5 percent of its population, a number that in the U.S. would equal 14 million people.

Mick Jagger

#7. Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?

Randy Glasbergen

#8. Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.

Bryan Callen

#9. As an actor, you're never busy enough.

Bryan Callen

#10. I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.

Bryan Callen

#11. Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.

Bryan Callen

#12. I don't know much, but I like talking to people who know a lot more than I do.

Bryan Callen

#13. Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.

Bryan Callen

#14. My parents were really nice to me.

Bryan Callen

#15. There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.

Bryan Callen

#16. You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.

Bryan Callen

#17. It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.

Bryan Callen

#18. Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

Bryan Callen

#19. I guess I am attracted to older women. I'm looking for a 40-something who has had her heart broken two or three hundred times. She's going to be fun!

Bryan Callen

#20. My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.

Bryan Callen

#21. An American man endowed with sufficient wealth can purchase anything, but an American woman endowed with sufficient beauty does not need to.

Jacob M. Appel

#22. If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.

Bryan Callen

#23. Being in quite a few movies ... there's always things that are changing about a film.

Bryan Callen

#24. I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.

Bryan Callen

#25. I'm still disturbed if a chord isn't together, but your priorities change as you get older.

Esa-Pekka Salonen

#26. Even the tiniest of flowers can have the toughest roots.

Shannon Mullen

#27. I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.

Bryan Callen

#28. One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.

Bryan Callen

#29. Women find men attractive who are aggressive ... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.

Bryan Callen