Top 100 Bo Burnham Quotes: Famous Quotes & Sayings About Bo Burnham

#1. I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

#2. For me, comedy is constantly presented as this fake casualness, like a guy just walked on stage going, 'This crazy thing happened to me the other day.' And he's in front of 3000 people, and he's acting like an everyman, and he's getting paid so much money.

Bo Burnham

#3. Imagination They say adults have no imagination. Not true. Just instead of dinosaurs and spaceships, they imagine silence and the new babysitter bent over the coffee table.

Bo Burnham

#4. Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.

Bo Burnham

#5. Where are all the sour patch parents?

Bo Burnham

#6. I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

Bo Burnham

#7. What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

Bo Burnham

#8. You How, may I ask, did you get so you, you beautiful true-to-you doer? I've met many today but can honestly say that I've never met anyone you-er.

Bo Burnham

#9. The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.

Bo Burnham

#10. No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.

Bo Burnham

#11. There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Bo Burnham

#12. Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

Bo Burnham

#13. I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

Bo Burnham

#14. In high school, I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

Bo Burnham

#15. My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I'm going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.

Bo Burnham

#16. When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.

Bo Burnham

#17. Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?

Bo Burnham

#18. I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

Bo Burnham

#19. Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

Bo Burnham

#20. When I walk into a room, you'd think I was one of those long, straight Tetris pieces because everyone's just like, Oh great, you're here! We've been waiting for you to show up.

Bo Burnham

#21. I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

Bo Burnham

#22. We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

Bo Burnham

#23. I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don't want to construct the show to prove something.

Bo Burnham

#24. If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

Bo Burnham

#25. If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

Bo Burnham

#26. Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.

Bo Burnham

#27. Love is all about ... whistles.

Bo Burnham

#28. I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It's like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, 'I think you try too hard in your comedy.' And that's what I worry about.

Bo Burnham

#29. If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Bo Burnham

#30. Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

Bo Burnham

#31. Searching I'm not looking in every nook and cranny for it. I'll do the nooks. No way I left my keys in some fucking cranny.

Bo Burnham

#32. I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

Bo Burnham

#33. Your afraid of sharks?
Really?
They don't even have bones!
They have cartilage.
Are you afraid of ears too?

Bo Burnham

#34. I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.

Bo Burnham

#35. My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like ... boys.

Bo Burnham

#36. The U.K. and Europe in general seem to be a lot more patient. The U.S. are expecting 'joke joke joke joke joke joke joke.' They don't actually sit and listen to you.

Bo Burnham

#37. The strange thing was, when I was starting on YouTube, even the paradigm of YouTube and Internet sensation - or whatever - that didn't really exist. So I didn't even know that that was a thing.

Bo Burnham

#38. Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

Bo Burnham

#39. Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really
good point, they should ... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

Bo Burnham

#40. Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Bo Burnham

#41. I love you just the way you are
but you don't see you like I do.
You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect.
Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

Bo Burnham

#42. There's a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that's a bit blurred in my mind.

Bo Burnham

#43. I saw a giraffe with a short neck
That was sad
Or a deer

Bo Burnham

#44. In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

Bo Burnham

#45. I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed

Bo Burnham

#46. I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.

Bo Burnham

#47. I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost ... my virginity.

Bo Burnham

#48. When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.

Bo Burnham

#49. I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.

Bo Burnham

#50. And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

Bo Burnham

#51. How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18 ... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.

Bo Burnham

#52. Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.

Bo Burnham

#53. I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

Bo Burnham

#54. Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Bo Burnham

#55. I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

Bo Burnham

#56. I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

Bo Burnham

#57. I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

Bo Burnham

#58. Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.

Bo Burnham

#59. I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

Bo Burnham

#60. Well, man, you know what they say.
No, I don't. I don't know what they say.
I don't even know who they are.
Who is this they?
They seem pretty smug.
They seem to think they know shit.
Fuck them.

Bo Burnham

#61. Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Bo Burnham

#62. I've always liked TV shows that have slightly unlikable leads, where you root for them in spite of a lot of things. I know it's not common with shows with young people; they have to be so likable. But, I mean, teenagers just generally aren't very likable. I know I wasn't as a teenager.

Bo Burnham

#63. I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

Bo Burnham

#64. People do complain about the way I act on stage ... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.

Bo Burnham

#65. Comedy doesn't really matter that much; I know that. I treat it like an adult - I don't treat it like a child or a god, which some people do. This might just be in America, but 'stand-up comedy' is something very particular that I don't particularly relate to.

Bo Burnham

#66. For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Bo Burnham

#67. Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Bo Burnham

#68. You guys like impressions? Why?

Bo Burnham

#69. 'Words, Words, Words' was very much its title. It's just words, words, words and trying to show that I can pack as much material into an hour as I possibly could word count-wise.

Bo Burnham

#70. Mmmmmm
I like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it

Bo Burnham

#71. Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Bo Burnham

#72. I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

Bo Burnham

#73. I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

Bo Burnham

#74. People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist ... how do we fix Africa?'

Bo Burnham

#75. I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.

Bo Burnham

#76. Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

Bo Burnham

#77. I was doing theater in my high school, and I started writing sort of silly songs on the piano backstage in summer theater. I eventually put them online and started getting this little following.

Bo Burnham

#78. The problem for us, as viewers, is that we want famous people who are passionate about the things they're famous for, because that makes them worthy of the attention. But I think many of those famous people just want to be famous.

Bo Burnham

#79. Fireflies Hey, fireflies! Fly higher, guys! Fly high above this place. Till a sky rise is a wire's size. Then fly off into space. I catch stupid bugs in jars but you're not bugs you're baby stars!

Bo Burnham

#80. And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

Bo Burnham

#81. I just like to write and then perform.

Bo Burnham

#82. At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

Bo Burnham

#83. I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [ ... ] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.

Bo Burnham

#84. Forever and An Instant met up one day,
Had a short, but lovely talk,
then each went on it's way.

Bo Burnham

#85. Judge Jesus I said, "You can't judge me. Only Jesus can!" He said, "Well I can 'cause I'm a judge and 'cause you just killed a man.

Bo Burnham

#86. Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop's another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you're talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It's like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

Bo Burnham

#87. People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.

Bo Burnham

#88. If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Bo Burnham

#89. And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

Bo Burnham

#90. I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I ... don't.

Bo Burnham

#91. My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.

Bo Burnham

#92. I was definitely not the kid that just wanted to be famous for no reason whatsoever and then happened to find comedy. Fame and all that stuff have always been slightly terrifying to me, and it makes me very anxious.

Bo Burnham

#93. I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Bo Burnham

#94. The strength of comedy is I don't have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.

Bo Burnham

#95. I don't like calling myself a "feminist" only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.

Bo Burnham