Blonde Humor Quotes

#1. You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it.

Tina Fey

#2. She was what we used to call a suicide blonde
dyed by her own hand.

Saul Bellow

#3. He's usually the confident intellect, but every once in a while when he's around me, he turns into this clumsy fool. It makes me smile to think that I can make him as flustered as he seems to make me.

Kimberly Lauren

#4. She came through the door the moment my beer arrived. Fortyish, salon-blonde, spray tan, fake boobs and real diamonds. Anywhere else it would be a bimbo alert, but in Florida it was just protective coloration.

C.I. Dennis

#5. The facts, however, are unimportant in fiction. It's not the events of my life that I mine, but the emotional experiences I've had.

John Dufresne

#6. ... were trying to tell the dumb blonde to close her mouth, but the woman clearly took her hair color very seriously.

Sharon Green

#7. Nah, Mike's gonna stop by. He had to work late and he works
with this really cute chick and I just know he ... ." Alycia folded her arms
on her chest and pouted. "She better be a blonde bimbo with a huge rack
and no personality if he's gonna cheat on me.

J.M. Colail

#8. Quinn came over to refill his glass. He looked towards the bedroom door. "Where'd you find the little blonde?"
"Used to bounce it on my knee."
"Which knew?" he asked. "Could I touch it?

Dashiell Hammett

#9. Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

Stephenie Meyer

#10. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb - and I'm not blonde either.

Dolly Parton

#11. How do you express a skinny blonde werewolf and a former toad in a cake?

Elizabeth A. Reeves

#12. Damn, Ian was already there. I braced myself as he came out from behind the RV. He sniffed, his nose wrinkling. Then he looked over me and my blonde captive, grinning.
"Managed to squeeze in a golden shower along the way? How lecherous, I'm impressed."
"Save it" I said crisply.

Jeaniene Frost

#13. Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.

P.G. Wodehouse

#14. A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house?
Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd.

Cheryl Sterling

#15. I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name.

Aaron B. Powell

#16. You know, I found a gray hair the other day. I almost broke the sound barrier rushing to the pharmacy to get some dye. Beth snorted. Oh please! You're a blonde-no one can see gray hair up there. Now, you get one down under, and then you can panic.

Jenn McKinlay

#17. Because this story is the road to the Pulitzer, something you covet very badly. I'm willing to bet that just the idea of this story is making you harder than the blonde at the bar.

M.K. Schiller

#18. Never before had she seen such creatures, though they looked much live very large, very shaggy white goats. Thin black horns punctuated the top of their long faces.
You look like a collection of grandfathers, she thought, amused.

Tamora Pierce

#19. What's so funny?" Bella mumbled.
"I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again.
"I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed.
"S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear."
Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.

Stephenie Meyer

#20. When I caught up, I grabbed Jack's arm. "What are you
doing here?" "Hiding! That's how you play the game, right? I thought
the title hide-and-seek was fairly self-explanatory. Then
again, you are blond." "So are you, idiot. Again, what are you doing here?

Kiersten White

#21. I felt like the blonde in every horror movie who hears a noise in the basement and goes to investigate alone. Sometimes you smell the stupid all around you, but you step in it anyway.

Ann Aguirre

#22. And I laugh at myself when I screw things up, which happens all the time.

Henry Rollins

#23. New York, of course, is to be in endless surreal situations where a fifty-thousand dollar, gun-metal Mercedez pulls up into a puddle of blood, and out steps a twenty-five karat blonde transvestite with a two dollar wristwatch.

Tom Waits

#24. Finally the lock clicked. And the door opened. And there Lucy stood. An angel with a halo of blonde frizz. He stared at what they both knew was an absolute disaster and said the only thing he could. I love it.

Jenny B. Jones

#25. It was like looking for a Natural Blonde at Hugh Hefner's

Aimee Duffy

#26. Hey, do you know what you call a blond with a brain?" I asked, and the continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."
I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.
I'll keep trying." I promised.

Stephenie Meyer

#27. There's only one sort of natural blonde on earth - albinos.

Marilyn Monroe

#28. The tightrope of love swings back and forth, forever tied between the tree of anxiety and the tree of fear. Like life, it holds a constant reminder that death must be overcome ...

Goliarda Sapienza