Best Mort Quotes

#1. They're always telling folk how much better it's going to be when they're dead. We tell them it could be pretty good right here if only they'd put their minds to it.' Mort

Terry Pratchett

#2. We were just showering," Lex muttered.
"Of course," Uncle Mort said. "Everyone knows how impossible it is to zestfully clean without assistance.

Gina Damico

#3. Swan dive down eleven stories high
Hold your breath until you see the light
You can sink to the bottom of the sea
Just don't go without me

The Civil Wars

#4. Mort Meskin was a consummate professional, dedicated to his work. A great talent.

Jack Kirby

#5. I was a teenage boy once too, you know," Uncle Mort said, popping back up. "I know what your brain looks like. It's a three-ring circus in there.

Gina Damico

#6. The money opens many doors. That of the coffin, among other things. (L'argent ouvre de nombreuses portes. - Celle du cercueil, entre autres.)

Charles De Leusse

#7. Lex was about to ask what in the dickens that was supposed to mean, but then Uncle Mort nodded at Wicket in a secretive manner, which roughly translated as 'Screw you and your curiosities, Lex. We're telling you NOTHING.

Gina Damico

#8. To make a poem, take one newspaper, one pair of scissors, snip the words one by one and put them in a bag. Shake gently, draw them out at random, and copy them conscientiously ... DADA est mort. DADA est idiot. Vive DADA!

Tristan Tzara

#9. Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid.

Terry Pratchett

#10. Mort moved my ending to the beginning, took out all the adjectives, cut the whole thing in half, and made it one hundred percent better.
'That's how it's done,' he said. Best writing lesson I ever had.

Anita Diamant

#11. Heaven deprives me of a wife who never caused me any other grief than that of her death.
[Fr., Le ciel me prive d'une epouse qui ne m'a jamais donne d'autre chagrin que celui de sa mort.]

Louis XIV

#12. There he is!" Ferbus drunkenly shouted as Uncle Mort and Lex returned to the car with the food, sloshing his Yorick all over Driggs. "Captain Sandwich and the Condiment Kid!

Gina Damico

#13. Something like a small blue supernova flared for a moment in the depths of his eyesockets. It dawned on Mort that, with some embarrassment and complete lack of expertise, Death was trying to wink.

Terry Pratchett

#14. Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?"
Mort thought for a moment.
"No," he said eventually, "what?"
There was silence.
Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right.

Terry Pratchett

#15. It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.

Terry Pratchett

#16. So what did you bring? Lip gloss and a hairbrush?"
Smirking, she unpacked the sandwiches Mort's cook had made for her, along with an ample slice of chocolate cake. "You owe me an apology."
"Omigod, it's a feast! Okay, you're forgiven.

Jana Oliver