Best Dogbert Quotes

#1. How did people steal before computers? - Dogbert

Scott Adams

#2. Dogbert to Dilbert
"My invention can detect human stupidity. It has a very simple interface. All I do is point it at people."
"Then what does it do?"
"Why would it need to do anything else?

Scott Adams

#3. We should never forget that God granted us the power to reason so that we would do His work here on Earth - so that we would use science to cure disease, and heal the sick, and save lives.

Barack Obama

#4. The necessity of pursuing true happiness is the foundation of all liberty- Happiness, in its full extent, is the utmost pleasure we are capable of.

John Locke

#5. Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.

Scott Adams

#6. I am very shy - really shy - I even had a stutter as a kid, which I slowly got over, but I still regress into that shyness. So I don't like walking into a crowded restaurant by myself; I don't like going to a party by myself.

Nicole Kidman

#7. Dogbert gazing at night sky No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there. Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth. DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception. DilbertIt's the miracle of science.

Scott Adams

#8. Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching.
Dogbert's Motto

Scott Adams

#9. I wouldn't want to try to adapt something of my own. It would be like going back to school and doing all my exams again.

Kazuo Ishiguro

#10. Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes ... no, wait ...

Scott Adams

#11. Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.

Scott Adams

#12. Dogbert: Scientists have discovered the gene that makes some people love golf.
Dilbert: How can they tell it's the golf gene?
Dogbert: It's plaid and it lies.

Scott Adams

#13. My parents would call it genetics. To me it seems like alchemy - the luminous space between science and magic.

Claudia Gray

#14. If someone pulls me down, I pull them down, as I don't feel I should live my life in the way other people want me to. If they have a problem with my films, I can rip off their films, be it comedy or their family dramas, which are low on content and have over-theatrical acting.

Emraan Hashmi

#15. I am a part of everything that I have read.

John Kiernan

#16. If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God. [Dogbert]

Scott Adams

#17. If you're going to write, write one poem all your life, let nobody read it, and then burn it. This is very young thinking, I confess, but it is the seminal part of my life.

Jack Nicholson

#18. Dilbert: You joined the "Flat Earth Society?" Dogbert: I believe the earth must be flat. There is no good evidence to support the so-called "round earth theory." Dilbert: I think Christopher Columbus would disagree. Dogbert: How convenient that your best witness is dead.

Scott Adams