Top 100 Amy Sedaris Quotes
#1. Amy Sedaris makes me laugh harder than anybody.
Andy Cohen
#2. I remember seeing Amy Sedaris in a stint where she played somebody's alcoholic mother in one scene and in the next she was Ross Perot. I remember thinking she was so awesome.
Stephnie Weir
#3. I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it's different when you're sitting down and writing it out.
Amy Sedaris
#4. I've always been drawn to people with problems. Not just physical problems, but mental problems too. Like depressed people or killers, all that stuff.
Amy Sedaris
#5. I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.
Amy Sedaris
#6. There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.
Amy Sedaris
#7. Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.
Amy Sedaris
#8. I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.
Amy Sedaris
#9. I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time.
Amy Sedaris
#10. I have a couple freeloader friends, but it's okay. I know they're gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.
Amy Sedaris
#11. I always find something to keep me busy.
Amy Sedaris
#13. If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.
Amy Sedaris
#14. It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high.
Amy Sedaris
#15. But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty.
Amy Sedaris
#16. If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there's something around me protecting me.
Amy Sedaris
#17. If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening.
Amy Sedaris
#18. I love depressing movies and depressing books.
Amy Sedaris
#19. I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
Amy Sedaris
#22. Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great.
Amy Sedaris
#23. Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
#24. In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.
Amy Sedaris
#25. Crafting is putting ideas into action and then holding them together with an inexpensive adhesive.
Amy Sedaris
#26. Books are challenging and inspirational to me.
Amy Sedaris
#27. When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.
Amy Sedaris
#28. Don't make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you're really good, or it's going to be really practical. If it's a little thing you think is cute 'cause you made it, just forget it.
Amy Sedaris
#29. Usually, the best ideas come from other people's good ideas, which then, after a short gestation period, become your ideas.
Amy Sedaris
#30. You just can't enjoy any of the movie when you're in it.
Amy Sedaris
#31. It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
Amy Sedaris
#32. Sometimes it's just enough for me to have the idea. I don't need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I'm always disappointed because it's never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it's a job. I'd rather just think about it.
Amy Sedaris
#33. I can't imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school.
Amy Sedaris
#34. I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.
Amy Sedaris
#35. You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.
Amy Sedaris
#36. I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
Amy Sedaris
#37. I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
Amy Sedaris
#38. I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.
Amy Sedaris
#39. I feel so free and open to ideas, and I get inspired by everything.
Amy Sedaris
#40. That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only.
Amy Sedaris
#41. I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
Amy Sedaris
#42. Although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.
Amy Sedaris
#43. I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.
Amy Sedaris
#44. I stayed in New York City for the first time, I'd always wanted to do that.
Amy Sedaris
#45. I like to entertain in all aspects. When you're with somebody and you're out, you want to be entertained. I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a convalescent home, there's something entertaining about that, in a way.
Amy Sedaris
#46. On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris
Amy Sedaris
#47. I like crafts that come out of poverty or necessity. There used to be hobby shops where you'd get your supplies, and then you'd use your imagination.
Amy Sedaris
#48. My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.
Amy Sedaris
#49. I need a costume to be convinced that I'm somebody else. Otherwise, it's just me. It's just Amy saying lines. I haven't really become somebody else. And what's the fun in that?
Amy Sedaris
#50. My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
Amy Sedaris
#51. I like to decide the night before Thanksgiving that I'm gonna do it, and I'll see what riff raff is around. Then I get that last-minute surge of energy. But if I had two weeks to plan, sometimes I wish I wasn't doing it. But very seldom does that happen.
Amy Sedaris
#52. Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.
Amy Sedaris
#55. Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
Amy Sedaris
#57. I always knew I didn't want kids, and I didn't want to get married.
Amy Sedaris
#58. I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.
Amy Sedaris
#59. I like working with the public, and I like that it's really hard work.
Amy Sedaris
#60. I'm always more attracted to the unattractive.
Amy Sedaris
#61. Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants.
Amy Sedaris
#62. I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I'm picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the '50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays - the new stuff just looks too good.
Amy Sedaris
#63. I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it.
Amy Sedaris
#64. I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like.
Amy Sedaris
#65. I'm more of a clown, a tragic clown. Yeah. I just like humor to come out of characters.
Amy Sedaris
#66. A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.
Amy Sedaris
#67. I've named everything that I've ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.
Amy Sedaris
#68. I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.
Amy Sedaris
#69. My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there.
Amy Sedaris
#70. I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.
Amy Sedaris
#71. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables.
Amy Sedaris
#72. If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.
Amy Sedaris
#73. But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.
Amy Sedaris
#74. I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.
Amy Sedaris
#75. We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
Amy Sedaris
#76. They just expected it to you know ... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?
Amy Sedaris
#77. I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.
Amy Sedaris
#78. That's why I love improvisational theater so much - you do it [scene] once and then it's done. You don't get bogged down with a lot of preplanning and repetition. If I do something and it gets a laugh, I don't want to do it again. Why bother? I'm just repeating myself. It's boring.
Amy Sedaris
#79. David and Dad didn't get along too well growing up. I mean we all got along, but it was harder on David, because David wasn't going to be the son that Dad wanted. But now they're like best friends.
Amy Sedaris
#80. I always want to look unattractive, it's more fun. I like playing opposites, people who aren't attractive who think they are pretty. That's always interesting to me.
Amy Sedaris
#81. I never really take shortcuts. I was always one of those people who, instead of cutting across someone's yard on the way home from school, I would go to the end of the block and turn.
Amy Sedaris
#82. I like working with the public, I like working with food, and I like making cash.
Amy Sedaris
#83. I try to pick music for a diner that doesnt involve a lot of lyrics, so you're not paying attention to that. As long as it doesnt dominate the party, it should be more atmosphere music. When I'm by myself, I never play music.
Amy Sedaris
#84. If I know I have to memorize lines, I'm really gonna try to memorize lines. It's hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you're trying really hard to get them the way they said it.
Amy Sedaris
#85. I like to make things, but I looked at old craft books on weaving or mosaics or whatever, I'm like, 'I don't really know anything about that stuff.'
Amy Sedaris
#86. I love old cookbooks. I just got such a kick out of them, how the color would be way off or fake looking. The cook books now look so much like magazines, you'll never make food that looks like that. I'd rather see it the ugly way than they way they do it now.
Amy Sedaris
#87. I'd rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That's perfect for me.
Amy Sedaris
#88. Gift-wrap the framed artwork on your walls and rehang them - what's nicer than a wall of presents to look at?
Amy Sedaris
#89. You know when you watch old movies, it's always the small parts you remember, the character actors who come in like a breath of fresh air.
Amy Sedaris
#90. People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
Amy Sedaris
#92. I just like to have the ideas. Other people can help see them through.
Amy Sedaris
#93. My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
Amy Sedaris
#94. Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.
Amy Sedaris
#95. Don't associate me with comedy. And please don't say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.
Amy Sedaris
#96. I like to just make things ... If I have the TV on, I'm not just going to sit there. I want to do something with my hands; I've always got a project. Or I get a small group of people over, and I say, 'Let's make these things today.'
Amy Sedaris
#97. Whenever I do your show, sometimes I get a little check in the mail and then I take that check and buy a new pair of shoes, and then I wear those shoes the next time I do your show.
Amy Sedaris
#98. I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.
Amy Sedaris
#99. I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.
Amy Sedaris
#100. When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies.
Amy Sedaris
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