Wilson Mizner Quotes & Sayings

#1. I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

Wilson Mizner

#2. A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

Wilson Mizner

#3. Money is the only substance which can keep a cold world from nicknaming a citizen Hey, you

Wilson Mizner

#4. If you copy from one author, it's plagiarism, but if you copy from many, it's research.

Wilson Mizner

#5. I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Wilson Mizner

#6. I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

Wilson Mizner

#7. Easy street is a blind alley.

Wilson Mizner

#8. A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Wilson Mizner

#9. Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

Wilson Mizner

#10. It is criminal negligence to leave suckers lying around to tempt honest men.

Wilson Mizner

#11. The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

Wilson Mizner

#12. Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Wilson Mizner

#13. Be nice to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down.

Wilson Mizner

#14. In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

Wilson Mizner

#15. Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

Wilson Mizner

#16. The only bird that gives the poor a real tumble is the stork.

Wilson Mizner

#17. The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.

Wilson Mizner

#18. Gambling: A sure way to get nothing from something.

Wilson Mizner

#19. I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.

Wilson Mizner

#20. If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

Wilson Mizner

#21. The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Wilson Mizner

#22. The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

Wilson Mizner

#23. I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

Wilson Mizner

#24. You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

Wilson Mizner

#25. Count 10 over him - he'll get up

Wilson Mizner

#26. Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

Wilson Mizner

#27. I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.

Wilson Mizner

#28. A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

Wilson Mizner

#29. Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

Wilson Mizner

#30. The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

Wilson Mizner

#31. The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Wilson Mizner

#32. There's nothing so comfortable as a small bankroll. A big one is always in danger.

Wilson Mizner

#33. Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Wilson Mizner

#34. Anybody who can write home for money can write for magazines.

Wilson Mizner

#35. If you count all your assets you always show a profit.

Wilson Mizner

#36. The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

Wilson Mizner

#37. I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

Wilson Mizner

#38. It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

Wilson Mizner

#39. Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Wilson Mizner

#40. I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

Wilson Mizner

#41. I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

Wilson Mizner

#42. He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

Wilson Mizner

#43. To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

Wilson Mizner

#44. It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.

Wilson Mizner

#45. The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

Wilson Mizner

#46. God help those who do not help themselves.

Wilson Mizner

#47. Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

Wilson Mizner

#48. Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.

Wilson Mizner

#49. I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

Wilson Mizner

#50. Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Wilson Mizner

#51. He's a trellis for varicose veins.

Wilson Mizner

#52. You sparkle with larceny.

Wilson Mizner

#53. I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

Wilson Mizner

#54. All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

Wilson Mizner