Simon Munnery Quotes

#1. I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.

Simon Munnery

#2. Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.

Simon Munnery

#3. I wear glasses myself. As an affectation, as a badge of high intellect and to see with.

Simon Munnery

#4. Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief.

Simon Munnery

#5. Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.

Simon Munnery

#6. Like many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often.

Simon Munnery

#7. The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.

Simon Munnery

#8. He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.

Simon Munnery

#9. Many are willing to suffer for their art. Few are willing to learn to draw.

Simon Munnery

#10. All men are brothers. Hence war.

Simon Munnery

#11. What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what?

Simon Munnery

#12. I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me.

Simon Munnery

#13. I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American ... There's never an American-American you can blame.

Simon Munnery

#14. It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.

Simon Munnery

#15. When you look in the mirror and despair and none of your clothes seem appropriate, relax, put the kettle on. It might suit you.

Simon Munnery

#16. If you only ever read one book in your life ... I highly recommend you keep
your mouth shut

Simon Munnery

#17. Like bees around honey. Why are bees so attracted to honey, since they make it? It can only be vanity.

Simon Munnery