Shalom Auslander Famous Quotes & Sayings

Browse top 33 famous quotes and sayings by Shalom Auslander. Read & share Shalom Auslander quotes pictures with friends. Free using on Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 33 Shalom Auslander Quotes

#1. Stop expecting more from us than we can possibly provide, and you'll stop being so disappointed. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #86691
#2. This, said Mother, as she handed him a piece of dry, tasteless matzoh, is the bread of our affliction. Where, young Kugel wondered, is the seven-layer cake of our salvation? Where is the muffin of our mirth? Where is our no-longer-reduced-to-jelly doughnut? - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #152544
#3. Roads are no place for naive chickens dreaming of nirvana. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #279920
#4. There is hurt in this world. There is pain. Hoping there won't be only makes it worse. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #302697
#5. Written with passion, honesty, humor, and a stubborn, rebellious optimism, Dear Marcus is like nothing I've ever read. When a bullet in the back told Jerry McGill not to go on, Jerry went on-smiling. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #336859
#6. Expecting hell, we're ill prepared for heaven. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #404153
#7. Kugel was a firm believer that death was not always a bad thing - that life often reached such levels of crapitude that dying was preferable to living. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #431313
#8. He could pull this off. He was sure of it. It would have been one thing to protect Anne Frank from the Nazis; he was pretty sure he couldn't have managed that. But protecting his family from Anne Frank? How difficult could that be? - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #483998
#9. I spent the best years of my life atoning for something I didn't do, something my parents didn't do, something done just about before I was ever even born. I got no complaints with that, but I'm about all atoned out, and I ain't yet gotten round to atoning for the things I did do. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #541720
#10. Write something dangerous. Say something you shouldn't. Blow something up. But well. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #561606
#11. His intelligence only exacerbated the guilt Kugel felt for bringing him into the world. It was one thing to have condemned a child to life, that was criminal enough, but life was a sentence more easily served by fools. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #602828
#12. Vans are the vehicles of murderers. Serial Killers. Rapists. Thieves. Nothing good ever happens in a van. Police should be allowed to arrest van drivers without cause. The van is the cause, asshole. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #608709
#13. Sages tell us that the Torah tells us that until the age of thirteen, all of boy's sins are ascribed to his father. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #680232
#14. SOLOMON KUGEL
His performance, of late,
had been subpar.
Born, unfortunately. Died eventually. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #720800
#15. I believe in a personal God; everything I do, He takes personally. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #787075
#16. He took the diary from Mother's hand and turned it over. The heartbreaking something, he read, of a tragic whatever. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #899120
#17. I moved a pillow aside ... preferring the joyful company of the delusional to the miserable company of the sane. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #953662
#18. The greatest source of misery in the world, the greatest cause of anguish and hatred and sadness and death, was neither disease nor race nor religion. It was hope. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #958836
#19. You can hope all you want for a happy ending, but sometimes, like it or not, the guy writing your story is working on a tragedy; you may not even be the main character. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1099753
#20. Kugel wondered if in these days of the Internet you would even need a Miep Gies anymore, if you could make it through a genocide these days with just a smartphone and a credit card, and he was hopeful that in the event of another Holocaust, he would have some sort of broadband Internet access. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1118609
#21. Maybe when I'd dead, he thought. Maybe when I'm dead I'll get some goddamned sleep. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1136702
#22. So desperate was Kugel for things to turn out for the best, proclaimed Professor Jove, that he couldn't stop worrying about the worst. Hope, said Professor Jove, was Solomon Kugel's greatest failing. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1201981
#23. Every Jew was the last Jew; Tevye the Terminal, every single one. Yet, Kugel couldn't help but observe, in all that time - no last Jew. There had been a last Assyrian. There had been a last Ammonite. There had been a last Babylonian, a last Mesopotamian, a last of the Mohicans. But no last Jew. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1236400
#24. Kugel set off, the wind in what would have been, some years ago, his hair. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1240740
#25. Suck is life,[ ... ]:you get to a point, one day, where you are hoping to find crap; where the best possible outcome of all possible outcomes would be the discovery, praise Jesus, of a pile of shit - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1344034
#26. The Kugels, Kugel hated to admit, might just have to, in the event of genocide, rely on the kindness of strangers.
Mother used to say: I can name six million people who relied on the kindness of strangers. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1424196
#27. Let him be floored, O Lord, thought Kugel.
Let him be stunned.
Let him be flabber-fucking-gasted. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1481153
#28. Hiding from genocide inside a Jew's attic, thought Kugel, is like hiding from a lion inside a gazelle. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1520789
#29. What a world, thought Kugel; whoever you were, wherever you were, whatever time of the day or night, you could open your back door and call out I know you're out there motherfucker, and nine times out of ten you'd be right. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1560621
#30. My rabbis taught me that it was wrong to say God caused the Holocaust; that he simply, in 1938, turned His head. He looked away. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1577910
#31. My point is that death is more tragic than life, than any life, because every life has hope of some kind. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1589365
#32. I kind of like it up here, Kugel said. It's got a certain fatalistic charm, a certain je ne sais fucked. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1800719
#33. His hope was that she would finish her damn book quietly and just leave; that one morning he would awaken and go up to the attic, and Anne Frank would be gone, and he could go on with his life, Anne-free. One hundred percent Frankless. Now with Less Genocide. - Author: Shalom Auslander
Shalom Auslander Quotes #1839092

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