Pete Hautman Quotes

#1. He's a guy. He has built in testosterone issues.

Pete Hautman

#2. If you can imagine it, you're halfway there

Pete Hautman

#3. The first step to success it's to imagine it

Pete Hautman

#4. For example, if she joined the book club - there was always a book club - and hung out with them, her choice of guys would be limited to the dark and moody Chuck Palahniuk/Kurt Vonnegut/Life-Sucks-and-Then-You-Die brooders.

Pete Hautman

#5. We connect through our dreams. Like we could be a thousand miles apart and I'd still know you were there.

Pete Hautman

#6. Miz Fitz,
If my boyfriend would just once say "I'm sorry, I was wrong," I think I would die and go to heaven.
-Hellbound, a Lass
Miz Fitz sez:
You should wish for something realistic, like world peace.

Pete Hautman

#7. So who are you today?

Pete Hautman

#8. I don't even know what the word strange means anymore ... that's really strange.

Pete Hautman

#9. Murphy's face went through several mutations as he spoke, as if small animals were scurrying about just beneath his skin.

Pete Hautman

#10. I know that the World is a terrible place, filled with wild animals and evil men and wicked woman.

Pete Hautman

#11. I didn't know what to say, but one thing was for sure: The Bank of Ted was closed.

Pete Hautman

#12. Dear Miz Fitz,
My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me ...
... Out of my Mind
Miz Fitz sez:
Maybe he is too hot for you. Send me his photo, name, and phone number. I will check him out and get back to you.

Pete Hautman

#13. Dan is my ordinary friend. Everybody should have at least one ordinary friend and Dan is as ordinary as they come. He is so ordinary that most people have to meet him six or seven times before they remember his name.

Pete Hautman

#14. Guys have four personalities: the one they use with their parents, the one they use around other adults, the one they use for talking to girls, and the one they use for hanging with their friends. Leakage between the various personality types can cause serious problems.

Pete Hautman

#15. We were defined by what we did. What we had to do.
I think this is why guys like football, and why they join the army, because as long as you are playing the game or following orders you do not have to figure out who you really are.

Pete Hautman

#16. Yes, books are dangerous. They should be dangerous - they contain ideas.

Pete Hautman

#17. Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense.

Pete Hautman

#18. He's kinda shy. Maybe I should ask him out."
"I think it's more traditional for you to trick him into asking you out. That way he feels more manly.

Pete Hautman

#19. So I sit and endure the stares and the pangs and twinges of Catholic guilt, knowing that I am doing the right thing if I'm right, and the right thing even if I'm wrong. Being Catholic is hard. Being ex-Catholic is even harder.

Pete Hautman

#20. How do you know it's not true if you don't believe in it?

Pete Hautman

#21. I don't know and probably never will know enough about the true nature of the universe to tell anyone else what to believe, and I've come to distrust the words of those who have presumed to do so.

Pete Hautman