Mark Tufo Quotes

#1. The zombies in the cab were looking at us like it was Christmas 1996 and we had just taken the last Tickle Me Elmo dolls off the shelf.

Mark Tufo

#2. You care for nothing, Eliza." "That, Tomas, is an untruth. I care very deeply for myself and quite possibly a small amount for you. I have not yet decided on that matter.

Mark Tufo

#3. The first zombie reached BT and met a blissful exit from this world courtesy of a Louisville Slugger, the preferred choice of zombie slayers nationwide.

Mark Tufo

#4. I'd never once considered Tracy anything other than beautiful, but the hardness of the apocalypse had sculpted her into something almost otherworldly. Any chance I had to grab onto that, I was going to take it.

Mark Tufo

#5. Fuck death, it's not the enemy, zombies are.

Mark Tufo

#6. The van started as John had promised, and it sounded good, but was about as useless as tits on a turtle if we couldn't get out of the garage.

Mark Tufo

#7. Can't know everything, Vivian. Otherwise you would have cut your husband's balls off before he cheated and shut off the money.

Mark Tufo

#8. I grabbed some sani-wipes from Tracy and cleaned off my hands as best I could, and then drizzled whiskey over them. If it didn't kill the germs, at least it would get them drunk enough to be cooperative.

Mark Tufo

#9. You can still be a part of something even if you are apart from it.

Mark Tufo

#10. I definitely thought about touching it to satisfy my curiosity, but luckily for me my mental instability kicked in and I left it alone.

Mark Tufo

#11. It is something about having absolute power over another being that drives men to incomprehensible acts of cruelty.

Mark Tufo

#12. She's changing everything. People that are supposed to die are being saved and those that should live are being killed. She is single-handedly destroying this timeline.

Mark Tufo

#13. I'd rather mate with a snake," I told her, which was pretty low as far as dog swears went.

Mark Tufo

#14. We can find something for you two ladies, but I'm keeping this ride. Let's go, bitch," Mrs. Deneaux said to Gary.

Mark Tufo

#15. I use the terms "sky" and "earth" because as a human I cannot imagine those elements not being there. It is a way to give substance to nothingness.

Mark Tufo

#16. The storm doesn't follow you; you are the storm. Nothing can stand in your way.

Mark Tufo

#17. Like any smart person in my predicament, I made sure the light was pointing right in my eyes when I turned it on. Nothing like a case of temporary blindness to get your adrenaline running.

Mark Tufo

#18. Take heed your actions lest ye become like the enemy ye seek to destroy.

Mark Tufo

#19. Zombies were bad enough. Zombies silently appearing out of the mist were the stuff of acid-infused nightmares.

Mark Tufo

#20. I peeked my head into the closet, looking for a trap door, hand grenades, the wardrobe to Narnia - anything that might help.

Mark Tufo

#21. Ah, what I'd do for a nuclear bomb." "A nuclear what?" my wife asked. Her contortion of fear was clearly outlined. "Did I say that out loud?" I asked, clearly confused.

Mark Tufo

#22. I killed the cheating bastard. Who knows, maybe if I'd done it a few days sooner, I could have prevented all of this. But where would the fun be in that? I would have missed out on all this," she said, taking her hands off the steering wheel spreading her arms wide.

Mark Tufo

#23. You could do this every day for the next ten years and you still would not have killed as many things as I have.

Mark Tufo

#24. I see a tongue! Some asshole is licking my peephole.

Mark Tufo

#25. That would be like finding out Mr. Rogers was a serial killer that liked to dress up in clown outfits before he offed his victims. Or that Captain Kangaroo was a Brony.

Mark Tufo

#26. I was so scared I thought my asshole was going to swallow me whole.

Mark Tufo

#27. I know my imagination can be like a three-year-old on Red Bull and still I feed

Mark Tufo

#28. on the fool's trip to save Paul. And for what? My fucking friend and his wife were dead. Maybe they would have been able to ride the damn thing out in their attic. Couldn't be worse, that's for sure. So we had potentially only forestalled my son's death and theirs.

Mark Tufo