Top 100 Janeane Garofalo Quotes
#1. Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.
Janeane Garofalo
#2. I truly believe a woman's weight is a political issue, and if one young woman out there can see me and not feel crummy about herself, that's a good thing.
Janeane Garofalo
#3. Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
Janeane Garofalo
#4. Let's put it this way: I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours. I don't understand why, in entertainment, the hours are as long as they are. It seems like everything takes forever, and no one can tell you why, exactly.
Janeane Garofalo
#6. Sometimes people say I'm a political comedian, which, actually I'm not. I'm a comedian who sometimes discusses politics, culture - again, the word 'politics' to me is just life.
Janeane Garofalo
#7. If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions.
Janeane Garofalo
#8. This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
Janeane Garofalo
#9. My dream would be to be on a show that shoots in New York, because I live here, and then I could walk to work.
Janeane Garofalo
#10. I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.
Janeane Garofalo
#11. When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement.
Janeane Garofalo
#12. I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.
Janeane Garofalo
#14. I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person.
Janeane Garofalo
#15. Anybody who French bashes just might as well wear a badge that says 'I am a follower! I don't think for myself and I have no idea what I'm talking about.' That would be a French basher.
Janeane Garofalo
#16. For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.
Janeane Garofalo
#17. I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.
Janeane Garofalo
#18. I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
Janeane Garofalo
#19. So, apparently, if you are a pre-sentient mass of cells, this country will protect you and your rights to the n-th degree. If you have made the mistake of becoming an Iraqi citizen, apparently we can just drop bombs on you with impunity.
Janeane Garofalo
#20. Without liberals we wouldn't have unions. We wouldn't have environmental protections. We wouldn't have seat belts or birth control or the ACLU! Any of these things!
Janeane Garofalo
#22. Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.
Janeane Garofalo
#23. I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.
Janeane Garofalo
#24. Your average person wouldn't recognize a sublime entity if it attempted to fist fuck them while waiting in line for the next Batman sequel.
Janeane Garofalo
#25. You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.
Janeane Garofalo
#26. We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.
Janeane Garofalo
#27. There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say
that the Bush Administration has been good for America.
Janeane Garofalo
#28. Here's what the right-wing has in, there's no shortage of the natural resources of ignorance, apathy, hate, fear. As long as those things are in the collective conscious and unconscious, the Republicans will have some votes.
Janeane Garofalo
#29. I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.
Janeane Garofalo
#30. You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.
Janeane Garofalo
#31. The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things.
Janeane Garofalo
#32. It is not crazy to think that powerful people do some pretty horrible things. And maybe they get out of hand. Maybe it just gets away from them. It snowballs.
Janeane Garofalo
#33. It's mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.
Janeane Garofalo
#34. You just need an opportunity and then you yourself have to do a good job, and then you hope that people go, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about her.'
Janeane Garofalo
#35. You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena.
Janeane Garofalo
#36. He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Janeane Garofalo
#37. I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.
Janeane Garofalo
#38. I think I failed miserably on NewsRadio. I was very nervous because of the caliber of the cast - especially Dave Foley - so I think I did a terrible job.
Janeane Garofalo
#39. When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'
Janeane Garofalo
#42. There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.
Janeane Garofalo
#43. As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.
Janeane Garofalo
#44. I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.
Janeane Garofalo
#46. You have to have a lot more dedication to what I'll call 'the machine,' ... I have 20 percent dedication. What's needed is 110 percent. You can't have it with the level of apathy I have.
Janeane Garofalo
#47. I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.
Janeane Garofalo
#48. I think that by staying out of shape at the age of 33 I'm doing myself a huge favor for my future. There will never be anyone commenting on how I've 'let myself go.' I've gone. It's gone. It's not going, it's GONE.
Janeane Garofalo
#49. There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.
Janeane Garofalo
#50. The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views.
Janeane Garofalo
#51. My hell is going to be the stairmaster wing of Dante's inferno, where they're gonna tape my feet to the pedals and the only music I get is Michael Bolton karaoke style.
Janeane Garofalo
#52. How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American?
Janeane Garofalo
#53. I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun.
Janeane Garofalo
#54. I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.
Janeane Garofalo
#55. You know, there's nothing more interesting than seeing a bunch of racists become confused and angry at a speech they're not quite certain what he's saying.
Janeane Garofalo
#56. I love a nice cooking show. It's as aesthetically pleasing as any other thing that tempts the senses, I suppose.
Janeane Garofalo
#57. To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.
Janeane Garofalo
#58. I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.
Janeane Garofalo
#61. The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.
Janeane Garofalo
#62. I remember the old Times Square from when I was younger, and there was a seedy thrill to it. Some of that is gone, which I have a little bit of nostalgia for.
Janeane Garofalo
#63. No no no! Don't clap! No no no, you make me seem like I'm like a prophet or something and I'm so not!
Janeane Garofalo
#64. Nobody ever starts out to make a mediocre, commercial film. You always think it's going to be something. And then, once you're done with your shooting, you have no control. You're just done, as an actor.
Janeane Garofalo
#65. I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it.
Janeane Garofalo
#67. I'm not religious anymore, but I think it's like papal infallibility, which is a ridiculous man-made tenet, like what I believe most religious tenets to be, are man-made after the fact.
Janeane Garofalo
#68. I don't enjoy sparring with the audience. It devastates me.
Janeane Garofalo
#69. To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.
Janeane Garofalo
#70. I'm almost 46. You become no longer even regarded in a sexual way. As you get older you're just taken out of that realm. So it's not anything that particularly confronts me very much at all.
Janeane Garofalo
#71. You can't have cinema by committee if you're trying to do it well.
Janeane Garofalo
#72. For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.
Janeane Garofalo
#73. I don't think Hollywood was trying to do anything with me. In fact, they lost interest pretty quick.
Janeane Garofalo
#74. It's been hard in entertainment as a 45-year-old woman to find jobs. They get fewer and far between if you're older, unless you're one of the few lucky ones who work constantly, like Meryl Streep.
Janeane Garofalo
#75. I'm not a cook. I like to watch the Food Network, but I don't like to cook.
Janeane Garofalo
#76. Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.
Janeane Garofalo
#77. Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political.
Janeane Garofalo
#79. A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.
Janeane Garofalo
#80. I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.
Janeane Garofalo
#82. Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing Democrats, it's not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they don't know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up.
Janeane Garofalo
#83. The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.
Janeane Garofalo
#84. Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.
Janeane Garofalo
#85. When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'
Janeane Garofalo
#86. Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"
Janeane Garofalo
#87. Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.
Janeane Garofalo
#88. Until as women we all say, No! We are not going to starve ourselves, nothing is going to change. We're our own worse enemies sometimes but I still blame men.
Janeane Garofalo
#89. Also, as I've gotten older and more mature, I've become much more comfortable in my own skin. After 25 years of doing stand-up, that's reflected onstage.
Janeane Garofalo
#90. People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
Janeane Garofalo
#91. Being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.
Janeane Garofalo
#92. If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.
Janeane Garofalo
#93. I'm a walker. I enjoy walking, which I think psychologically expresses my feelings of wanting liberation without exerting myself too much.
Janeane Garofalo
#94. I'm not specifically attached to anything other than trying to, in my personal life, fight against where I see right wing thinking. Whether it be around my dinner table or on the street or somebody reading the New York Post.
Janeane Garofalo
#95. The reason a person is a republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that's science - that's neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican.
Janeane Garofalo
#96. A lot of the hate mail I get is clearly misogynist. I am a proud liberal, feminist woman, and the hate mail I get about those three things is not about me.
Janeane Garofalo
#98. Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins ... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.
Janeane Garofalo
#99. Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.
Janeane Garofalo
#100. German accents and Hassidic accents aren't that romantic. They're more harsh. Although Hebrew, when spoken by certain people, sounds beautiful. There's this beautiful woman I know who speaks Hebrew, and when she speaks, it's so attractive. Maybe it's who's speaking it.
Janeane Garofalo
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