Jackie Gleason Quotes & Sayings

#1. Modesty in an actor is as fake as passion in a call girl.

#2. I have a 'Play The Melody' philosophy. It means don't over arrange, don't make life difficult. Just play the melody-and do it the simplest way possible.

Jackie Gleason

#3. Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Jackie Gleason

#4. I always knew what I was doing.

Jackie Gleason

#5. The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

Jackie Gleason

#6. The worst thing you can do with money is save it.

Jackie Gleason

#7. A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini.

Jackie Gleason

#8. Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

Jackie Gleason

#9. Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle.

Jackie Gleason

#10. Our dreams are firsthand creations, rather than residues of waking life. We have the capacity for infinite creativity; at least while dreaming, we partake of the power of the Spirit, the infinite Godhead that creates the cosmos.

Jackie Gleason

#11. I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

Jackie Gleason

#12. If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Jackie Gleason

#13. Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

Jackie Gleason

#14. I didn't have things as a child, and I was determined to get them.

Jackie Gleason

#15. Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls.

Jackie Gleason

#16. One of these days ... One of these days ... Pow! Right in the kisser!

Jackie Gleason

#17. Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Jackie Gleason

#18. Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

Jackie Gleason

#19. I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

Jackie Gleason

#20. Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Jackie Gleason

#21. Some drink to forget, some drink to remember-me, I drink to get bagged,

Jackie Gleason

#22. I knew that nobody could be on television week after week as themselves and exist for any length of time, because no one has that rich a personality ... So I knew that I had to create some characters.

Jackie Gleason