Henry Beard Quotes

#1. I simply cannot imagine why anyone would eat something slimy served in an ashtray.

Henry Beard

#2. Few golfers are born with the natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.

Henry Beard

#3. Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

Henry Beard

#4. There is no such thing as a 'correct' weight for any particular height - they are only averages.

Henry Beard

#5. "Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf

Henry Beard

#6. Follow through: The part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown.

Henry Beard

#7. A tap-in is a putt that is short enough to be missed one-handed.

Henry Beard

#8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

Henry Beard

#9. Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

Henry Beard

#10. Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Henry Beard

#11. Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Henry Beard

#12. Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks - No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard's excellent Tennis for Beginners.

Henry Beard

#13. A driving range is the place where golfers go to get all the good shots out of their system.

Henry Beard

#14. Bets lengthen putts and shorten drives.

Henry Beard

#15. You do not sew with a fork and I see no reason why you should eat with knitting needles.

Henry Beard

#16. A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

Henry Beard

#17. Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

Henry Beard

#18. It's often necessary to hit a second shot to really appreciate the first one.

Henry Beard

#19. Handicap: an allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

Henry Beard

#20. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

Henry Beard

#21. Garden: One of a vast number of free outdoor restaurants operated by charity-minded amateurs in an effort to provide healthful, balanced meals for insects, birds and animals.

Henry Beard

#22. Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again.

Henry Beard

#23. The true definition of a perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.

Henry Beard

#24. If the wind is in your face, you swing too hard just to get the ball through it; if the wind is at your back, you swing too hard just to see how far you can get the ball to go.

Henry Beard

#25. You can often wash your troubles away with the right kind of bath. Throw everything you have into the tub: bubble gels, bubble oils, bubble powders, bubble gum.

Henry Beard