Harris Wittels Quotes

#1. Death is beautiful, part of life... No, it is sad. It's sad when anyone dies. Even though every single human dies. So it's really not that sad.

Harris Wittels

#2. I'm not getting married until gay people can get married. Because I'm gay.

Harris Wittels

#3. Wheat Thins? Call me when they're Wheat THICKS! Gimme that wheat!

Harris Wittels

#4. I'm very reactive, I think. I'm down to throw down with people. Online, of course. Not in person.

Harris Wittels

#5. I think all Internet comments should be disengaged. But I kind of live and die by it. It's completely irresistible. It's not like comedy. When I do a podcast or write an episode of TV, I have no feedback for that. That's the only way you know what you're doing is good or bad.

Harris Wittels

#6. I wanna open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant and call it Tapas the Morning to Ja.

Harris Wittels

#7. What's up? I'm Harris. I'm 33 years young. I have my cousin Jason's truck for two more weeks. I have one testicle-whack a mole accident-and I'm down to clown.

Harris Wittels

#8. I hate smoking sections. Unless we're talking about the movie 'The Mask' with Jim Carrey. Then the smoking section is my favorite part.

Harris Wittels