Top 100 Greg Gutfeld Quotes
#1. People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy.
Greg Gutfeld
#3. I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction.
Greg Gutfeld
#4. Why is our media quick to find evil in our local police, but tnot in Islamic terror?
Greg Gutfeld
#5. Cool is a weapon created by creeps to obliterate the morals that good parents instill in their children.
Greg Gutfeld
#6. Over youth, glamour, and glibness. Fashion has no use for Mitts. But the funny thing about cool? It's not cool. At all. In fact, what's truly cool is the rebellion against the perceived,
Greg Gutfeld
#7. The longer I live, the more I'm convinced the world is just one big high school, with the cool kids always targeting the uncool.
Greg Gutfeld
#8. Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white.
Greg Gutfeld
#9. When someone in power declares that something is broken that means it's actually fine. What they're really saying is, "Let's change this so I like it and ruin it." Nothing is ever broken.
Greg Gutfeld
#10. The problem is, then you see immigrants saving cities in Baltimore and you see 40 Korean groceries get burned down.
Greg Gutfeld
#11. I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world.
Greg Gutfeld
#12. I have to say that Adam Levine is truly a daring young man to go on Twitter to bash Fox News. He's so rebellious, so subversive. I mean, for a musician, seriously, could you find a more predictable stance than that? He's as edgy as a hacky sack, which also describes his music.
Greg Gutfeld
#13. A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really only tolerant when you agree with them.
Greg Gutfeld
#14. Embracing amnesty and open borders. Sure, other countries have borders (the ones most people are fleeing from), but discussing the possibility of an American border is smeared as racist - the
Greg Gutfeld
#15. We need an idiot middle ground, where we have to be honest and say, kids can be idiots and cops can be idiots.
Greg Gutfeld
#16. We need somebody that can unify a country in spite of a vocal powerful media that's intent on division. It's not about winning the media. It's about winning the people, and I don't think it's necessarily persuasive to eat - to cannibalize yourself. I think that you have to pick the winner.
Greg Gutfeld
#17. Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil.
Greg Gutfeld
#18. I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.
Greg Gutfeld
#19. Military simulation is an important way of training people for an emergency
Greg Gutfeld
#21. It's great that Mommy and Daddy did all that uncool work, so you could sit in your air-conditioned classroom and shit all over them, to the approving eye of your ponytailed professor.
Greg Gutfeld
#22. How can you have a reasonable debate with people who are constantly changing the panic? They are moving the panic to a greater wave of hysteria?
Greg Gutfeld
#24. I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers.
Greg Gutfeld
#25. Sanctuary cities are a lot like hitchhiking. And the abstract, it feels really good until you feel dead.
Greg Gutfeld
#26. If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.
Greg Gutfeld
#27. The beauty of progress is that it makes it easier for you to carve out a space to be nonproductive.
Greg Gutfeld
#28. I would like to see a president with a monocle.
Greg Gutfeld
#29. A Smith & Wesson does more for empowering women than Feminism ever could
Greg Gutfeld
#30. Some things get better with age. And then there's Madonna.
Greg Gutfeld
#31. Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round.
Greg Gutfeld
#32. ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.
Greg Gutfeld
#33. Politics is way cool, as long as it's progressive. Conservatives by nature hate politics and politicians.
Greg Gutfeld
#34. We used to actually kill each other before we discovered rhetoric in words. If you look at other countries, there are people attacking each other in parliament and stuff.
Greg Gutfeld
#35. There are always gonna be people that are gonna be offended about something. This will never end.
Greg Gutfeld
#36. We have two nations, and it's not black or white. It's red and blue. Under Republican leadership, cities tend to do better. Cities are destroyed under Democrats, because they don't know how to deal with the constituency; they're terrified.
Greg Gutfeld
#37. The problem with legalization is we already have a dependent generation that's subsidized to oblivion. And will legal pot somehow slice another sliver of the population off of the productive world?
Greg Gutfeld
#38. You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.
Greg Gutfeld
#39. The people who whine about Fox News are hypocrites - they say they're totally tolerant, but when they run into someone who doesn't share their assumptions, they say, 'Fox News is evil, and it must be stopped.'
Greg Gutfeld
#40. If you question whether abortion should be seen as different from removing a tumor, then you must hate women.
Greg Gutfeld
#42. Hurricanes, after all, are the product of global warming, caused by man and his insatiable lust for SUVs (but not private jets).
Greg Gutfeld
#43. The metric system was designed to get people to enter charity runs.Do you think you would go run a 3.1 mile race? No, but if somebody says, hey, 5 km. You go, 5km sounds pretty impressive.
Greg Gutfeld
#44. I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.
Greg Gutfeld
#45. When you get famous and rich when you're young, what happens is you start feeling insecure.
Greg Gutfeld
#46. We're already going down that path with illegal drug use and incarceration. I can't imagine it getting any worse.
Greg Gutfeld
#47. It's not enough to be right because he [Rick Perry] is right, you got to be persuasively right, got to be intellectually agile, and I think he can do it.
Greg Gutfeld
#48. You can't get more racist than hating black conservatives just because they're black.
Greg Gutfeld
#49. It goes back to the if identity becomes your achievement, what do you do, this is what happens? And I do think it leads to psychological disorders. You have to start doing things and stop thinking about yourself.
Greg Gutfeld
#50. What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house.
Greg Gutfeld
#51. Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there?
Greg Gutfeld
#52. Delayed gratification is the one thing we ignore these days. And if you delay it, it becomes more pleasurable later in life.
Greg Gutfeld
#53. As we all know, there is no force stronger in the rhetorical universe than that of liberal race-guilt.
Greg Gutfeld
#54. The first mistake is trying to explain morality to a terrorist. Like trying to teach a rock to drive. It is impossible.
Greg Gutfeld
#55. Believe he should have to actually "work" like the rest of us and he thinks the constituents
Greg Gutfeld
#56. American people, what about the American people? I think the president delights in the fact that they have been roofied by technology and pop culture. They're not conscious to any expansion of power, which is why they're happy to exist in this dependant decline.
Greg Gutfeld
#57. Ocean privilege does not exist anymore. The world is small. We cannot rely on distance anymore.
Greg Gutfeld
#58. Legal gun ownership always prevails over the emotionalism of the gun control movement.
Greg Gutfeld
#59. Planned Parenthood's entire existence is basically based on keeping people in the dark through euphemism. You don't call it genocide, you call it reproductive health. So that's why Planned Parenthood has - nobody really thought.
Greg Gutfeld
#60. I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.
Greg Gutfeld
#61. Hollywood's schizophrenia over guns is matched only by their attitude toward taxes. Ever wonder why they film in Vancouver so often? It ain't for the beaches, I can tell you.
Greg Gutfeld
#62. In the old days feminists would mock women who depended so much on a man. Today if the man is the government, not so much. A man who opens the door for you is a Neanderthal; a bureaucrat who pays for your pills? A hero.
Greg Gutfeld
#63. So let me get this straight - we ban guns, but encourage movies glorifying guns?
Greg Gutfeld
#64. You have to be more prepared than anyone else in the room, even if you aren't planning on speaking up. (Read two articles on a subject every morning and you'll shine - trust me. It's how I make my living.)
Greg Gutfeld
#65. Chris Matthews is so nuts that if he ate a snickers bar it would be cannibalism.
Greg Gutfeld
#66. When you talk about Islamic terror. You go, oh, you're an Islamic - you're Islamophobic because you besmirching all Muslims. No. I'm talking about Islamic terror.
Greg Gutfeld
#67. The problem with Republicans and Conservatives is we attack each other.
Greg Gutfeld
#68. In the world of pop stardom, what is mistaken for rebellion? A mediocre artist who spouts political beliefs that most freshmen in high school could have come up with after huffing Glade.
Greg Gutfeld
#69. I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over.
Greg Gutfeld
#70. Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.
Greg Gutfeld
#72. Cool is identified only by defining others as uncool. The velvet rope excludes before it invites.
Greg Gutfeld
#73. I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.
Greg Gutfeld
#74. If you're a Republican and rich, that's evil. But if you're a Democrat and rich, that's great.
Greg Gutfeld
#75. Separately.) The truth is that conservatives do have the cool message.
Greg Gutfeld
#76. Playboy seems like a sad magazine for me. It seems like for men who would sit around in a bath robe.
Greg Gutfeld
#77. Good parenting, from my perspective, is like building a three-foot retaining wall against a four-foot wave. The kids have to make up that extra foot. That wave wants to drag them into an undertow where sound judgment is suspended, where the valueless, uncaring, and ultimately nihilistic cool reigns.
Greg Gutfeld
#78. If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it.
Greg Gutfeld
#79. In the hands of fiends, guns will kill you. In your hands, they protect against such fiends.
Greg Gutfeld
#80. Trying to be cool, as a goal, forces you to ignore any lessons ingrained by the people who made you.
Greg Gutfeld
#81. When you have a TV show or when you are running a magazine, you have to remember that your audience isn't rich. They're not made of money.
Greg Gutfeld
#82. When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.
Greg Gutfeld
#83. I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense?
Greg Gutfeld
#84. The irony of prison is that it takes years and years and years to plan an elaborate escape, but all you have is years and years and years.
Greg Gutfeld
#85. We are now surrounded, outmanned, and outgunned by a generation of phonies, grasping for acceptance through appearance and behavior that have no productive impact on the world.
Greg Gutfeld
#86. The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple.
Greg Gutfeld
#88. [In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.
Greg Gutfeld
#89. They say: "We're all immigrants." They mean: You hate brown people. You say: "I'm just for a line. Stand in line, asshole.
Greg Gutfeld
#90. The Islamophobia phobes, (ph) the writers and the editors and the talking heads who deny an existence of evil while blaming those who speak up. There no difference - different than the apologists for communism. As communism killed millions, they, they denied it.
Greg Gutfeld
#91. When you are so obsessed with identity politics it's not healthy because you're constantly worried about how you're perceived as opposed to your achievements. Once your identity becomes your achievement then you run into serious problems.
Greg Gutfeld
#92. The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar.
Greg Gutfeld
#93. Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls
Greg Gutfeld
#94. When immigrants go into the worse neighborhood and they fix it up, they should become citizens.
Greg Gutfeld
#95. [If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand.
Greg Gutfeld
#96. The cities are full of women falling for the cool loser: the man trafficking in "edgy" so women cut him slack in his more loathsome behaviors. Christ, I know so many, it's sad. Please accept my flaws (and pay my rent) because I can play guitar! Badly.
Greg Gutfeld
#97. [Obamacare] has to be enforced because nobody wants it. This is the nature of progressive government they don't care if it's not good for you. It's good for them.
Greg Gutfeld
#98. I think the reason why 'Red Eye' is popular is because we question the common assumptions that you find elsewhere.
Greg Gutfeld
#99. Move somewhere with decent public transit so you don't drive drunk and hit somebody.
Greg Gutfeld
#100. Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It's cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show.
Greg Gutfeld
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