Garret Keizer Quotes

#1. My master gives me bread and beer and every good thing.

Garret Keizer

#2. Going to school is like going to prison ... you have about two weeks to establish your credibility, failing which you're either a punk or as good as dead. Depending on the school, some students can manage ot avoid those stark alternatives, but even at the best school, no teacher does.

Garret Keizer

#3. I'd probably put those salt and pepper shakers away now, David, because we're about to be visited by dribbling cannibal psychopath and we wouldn't want to tease these fellows. Of course, if they're very hungry, I do have this left arm that I don't use all that much.

Garret Keizer

#4. People in the city are poor because they are oppressed, discriminated against and alienated; people in the country are poor because they're too stupid to realize they ought to be living in the city.

Garret Keizer

#5. Everyone believes in sin, the people who charge their peers with political incorrectness and the people who regard political correctness as the bogey of a little mind. What everyone does not believe in, as nearly as I can tell, is forgiveness.

Garret Keizer

#6. If God came to India, he'd have to come as bread. If God came to Willoughby union he'd have to came as what?

Garret Keizer

#7. So beer is our bread?

Garret Keizer

#8. I try to remember what I have too often forgotten to my peril: as far as teaching goes, when all you are is right, what you really are is in trouble.

Garret Keizer

#9. Our advertising and even our arts convey the idea that we [Americans] as a society are brash, irreverent, and free of all constraint, when the best available evidence would suggest that we are in fact tame, spayed, and easily brought to heel.

Garret Keizer

#10. If you can sustain the insight that people are doing the best they can
if you can maintain some faith that this is an insight
you're solid. If not, maybe you should pack it in.

Garret Keizer