Frank Muir Quotes

#1. The golden rule when reading the menu is, if you cannot pronounce it, you cannot afford it.

Frank Muir

#2. Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

Frank Muir

#3. The speeches to be wary of are those that begin with I'm just going to say a few words.

Frank Muir

#4. The glances over cocktails That seem to be so sweet Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat

Frank Muir

#5. Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.

Frank Muir

#6. Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!

Frank Muir

#7. It has been said that a bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn.

Frank Muir

#8. A golf ball is white, dimpled like a bishop's knees, and is the size of small mandarin oranges or those huge pills which vets blow down the throats of constipated cart-horses.

Frank Muir

#9. Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packing the mixture in little bags and selling them in health food shops.

Frank Muir

#10. Hotel tea is when you have to mix together a plastic envelope containing too much sugar, a small plastic pot of something which is not milk but has curdled anyway, and a thin brown packet seemingly containing the ashes of a cremated mole.

Frank Muir