David D. Burns Quotes

#1. Forgiving yourself, not guilt, increases personal accountability.

David D. Burns

#2. Powerful new drug-free treatments have been developed for depression and for every conceivable type of anxiety, such as chronic worrying, shyness, public speaking anxiety, test anxiety, phobias, and panic attacks. The goal of the treatment is not just partial improvement but full recovery.

David D. Burns

#3. Depression has been called the world's number one public health problem. In fact, depression is so widespread it is considered the common cold of psychiatric disturbances. But there is a grim difference between depression and a cold. Depression can kill you.

David D. Burns

#4. Learn to accept your limits and you'll become a happier person.

David D. Burns

#5. You don't have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice.

David D. Burns

#6. Most mental health professionals, including clinicians and researchers, endorse the deficit theory. They're convinced that we wage war simply because we don't know how to make love. We desperately want loving, satisfying relationships but lack the skills we need to develop them.

David D. Burns

#7. Perfection' is man's ultimate illusion. It simply doesn't exist in the universe ... If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do.

David D. Burns

#8. You're human. You'll screw up. Denying that is crazy. Forgiving yourself has all the benefits of self-esteem without making you a narcissist that's out of touch with reality.

David D. Burns

#9. If you're self-compassionate, you'll tend to have higher self-esteem than if you're endlessly self-critical. And like high self-esteem - self-compassion is associated with significantly less anxiety and depression, as well as more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions.

David D. Burns

#10. Reaching for the stars, perfectionists may end up clutching at air.

David D. Burns

#11. Kindness is the cause of all anxiety.

David D. Burns

#12. I had the fear of heights when I was young, along with many other fears and phobias, including the fear of dogs, bees, horses, and blood.

David D. Burns

#13. The stereotype of psychotherapy portrayed in popular books and movies is lying on the couch and saying whatever comes into your mind, while a kindly psychoanalyst listens and nods knowingly from time to time. After years and years, something wonderful is supposed to happen.

David D. Burns

#14. Forgive yourself and be ready to forgive yourself in the future. You're gonna screw up. It's okay.

David D. Burns

#15. I always wanted to see people's lives transformed from depression and anxiety to joy and peace.

David D. Burns

#16. Achievements can bring you satisfaction but not happiness.

David D. Burns

#17. Learning to accept failure on multiple levels is, to my way of thinking, the key to become a world-class therapist. But that means humility, and setting your ego aside, while you develop superb new technical skills.

David D. Burns

#18. Therapy is not to 'talk about' things, but to change the person's life, and to relieve suffering, such as depression, anxiety, or relationship problems.

David D. Burns

#19. Most people do surprisingly poorly when dealing with a relative who is hurting, depressed, or anxious - we get defensive and try to solve the problem rather than finding the truth in what the person is saying.

David D. Burns

#20. What sentence will you choose to impose on yourself? Are you willing to stop suffering and making yourself miserable when your sentence has expired? This would at least be a responsible way to punish yourself because it would be time-limited.

David D. Burns

#21. People who are prone to guilt tend to work harder and perform better than people who are not guilt-prone, and are perceived to be more capable leaders.

David D. Burns

#22. You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment.

David D. Burns

#23. What saddens me is seeing patients who have been going to therapy for years and years with no change, but they keep going to the same therapist. To me, that's not right.

David D. Burns

#24. Perfectionism becomes a badge of honor with you playing the part of the suffering hero.

David D. Burns

#25. Apologies do make a difference. Believe it or not, research shows people often prefer them over money.

David D. Burns

#26. Although no one treatment will ever be a panacea, research studies indicate that cognitive therapy can be helpful for a variety of disorders in addition to depression.

David D. Burns

#27. A poor self-image is the magnifying glass that can transform a trivial mistake or an imperfection into an overwhelming symbol of personal defeat.

David D. Burns

#28. It can be helpful simply to make a written or mental list of the things you do each day. Then give yourself a mental credit for each of them, however small. This will help you focus on what you have done instead of what you haven't gotten around to do. It may sound simplistic, but it works.

David D. Burns

#29. Regret has a purpose. It's like the oil light on the dashboard of your life, telling you something needs to be fixed. So fix it. And feel better.

David D. Burns

#30. Depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem.

David D. Burns

#31. I have been amazed by the interest in cognitive behavioral therapy that has developed since 'Feeling Good' was first published in 1980. At that time, very few people had heard of cognitive therapy.

David D. Burns

#32. Depression is an illness and not a necessary part of healthy living.

David D. Burns

#33. You're not a bad person. But you sometimes do bad things. You know what that makes you? Human.

David D. Burns

#34. Can you predict the future with absolute certainty? Your answer must be no. You have two options: You can either decide to accept yourself as an imperfect human being with limited knowledge and realize that you will at times make mistakes, or you can hate yourself for it.

David D. Burns

#35. The best way to confront your fears it to stop avoiding the situation you're most afraid of.

David D. Burns

#36. There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.

David D. Burns

#37. Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.

David D. Burns

#38. When two people respect each other, the ability to be vulnerable and to reveal hurt feelings can create a powerful emotional connection that is the source of real intimacy and friendship.

David D. Burns

#39. Don't apologize for what you think you did wrong. Apologize for what they think you did wrong.

David D. Burns

#40. Cognitive therapy is a fast-acting technology of mood modification that you can learn to apply on your own. It can help you eliminate the symptoms and experience personal growth so you can minimize future upsets and cope with depression more effectively in the future.

David D. Burns

#41. It's very rare to have a patient who isn't absolutely delighted when you say, 'I read your feedback. The session didn't go well. You actually got more upset, and I made about three really horrible errors.' If you do that from the heart and not as a gimmick, boy, it's a wonderful thing.

David D. Burns

#42. There is no standard 'therapeutic process,' since there are so many different schools of therapy.

David D. Burns

#43. When you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel.

David D. Burns

#44. Every time you feel depressed about something, try to identify a corresponding negative thought you had just prior to and during the depression. Because these thoughts have actually created your bad mood, by learning to restructure them, you can change your mood.

David D. Burns

#45. Guilt serves a powerful social function in terms of policing our behavior.

David D. Burns

#46. Guilt is not the best way to remedy your mistakes.

David D. Burns

#47. There is no 'ultimate goal of therapy.' Thinking there is some ultimate or universal goal of therapy is one of the most fundamental errors of our field. To me, that concept is rather arrogant, as if therapists were some kind of spiritual experts who knew what human beings are supposed to be like.

David D. Burns

#48. Guilt doesn't help. What should fill in for it? Remorse. Remorse is when you feel bad about what you did. Guilt is when you feel bad about who you are.

David D. Burns

#49. I've been interviewed for hundreds of magazine articles, and they come out incredibly goofy about 90 percent of the time.

David D. Burns

#50. When we're rational about rule-breaking we set a limit. You don't get 30 years in prison for a traffic ticket. But sometimes you sentence yourself to months or years of emotional pain over minor offenses.

David D. Burns

#51. I'm all for 'tools,' not 'schools,' of therapy. To me, the schools of therapy compete much like religions, or even cults, all claiming to know the cause and to have the best method for treating people.

David D. Burns

#52. Accept yourself. But realize your behaviors can be bad.

David D. Burns

#53. That's one of the peculiar things about bad moods - we often fool ourselves and create misery by telling ourselves things that simply are not true.

David D. Burns

#54. Negative thinking patterns can be immensely deceptive and persuasive, and change is rarely easy. But with patience and persistence, I believe that nearly all individuals suffering from depression can improve and experience a sense of joy and self-esteem once again.

David D. Burns