Clement Freud Quotes

#1. If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

Clement Freud

#2. Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

Clement Freud

#3. There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft ...

Clement Freud

#4. To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

Clement Freud

#5. If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

Clement Freud

#6. In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

Clement Freud

#7. I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

Clement Freud

#8. I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

Clement Freud

#9. Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

Clement Freud

#10. Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

Clement Freud

#11. I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

Clement Freud

#12. If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Clement Freud

#13. I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

Clement Freud

#14. It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

Clement Freud

#15. I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Clement Freud