Christian Lander Quotes

#1. The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI. These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once.

Christian Lander

#2. If you look into the footnotes of the business model for Apple Computer you'll see that they actually give the computers away for free; they just charge for the inflated sense of self-worth.

Christian Lander

#3. The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!

Christian Lander

#4. Since white people can't really blame any race for their problems, they need to blame corporations.

Christian Lander

#5. When it comes to the subject it's best to understand that
white people do not recognize public transit as a viable option until a subway line is built that runs directly from their house to their work.

Christian Lander

#6. If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse.

Christian Lander

#7. White people love rock climbing almost more than they love camping. This is
because the activity affords them the opportunity to be outside, to use a carabiner for something other than their keys, and to purchase a whole new set of expensive activity-specific clothing and accessories.

Christian Lander

#8. White people are drawn to farmer's markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that if
you release a white person into a random Saturday morning they will return to you with a reusable bag full of fruits and vegetables.

Christian Lander

#9. For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it.

Christian Lander

#10. White people need to let people know that they have made their way through hundreds or even thousands of books. After all, what's the point of reading a book if people don't know you've read it? It's like a tree falling in the forest.

Christian Lander

#11. All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house before they can be complete.

Christian Lander

#12. This is because white people need to show off the books that they have read. Just as hunters will mount the heads of their kills, white people need to let people know that they have made their way through hundreds or even thousands of books.

Christian Lander

#13. It is the dream of every white person to be able to resolve all conflicts by complaining to unrelated parties. Because of this, white people are able to endure years of frustration and anger without saying a word in the hopes that everything will just work itself out without having to make a scene.

Christian Lander

#14. You don't have to be white to be white, you just have to be rich.

Christian Lander