Cat Clarke Quotes

#1. It's not that I mind being alone, not really. I can distract myself with silly fantasies and daydreams for hours, but in the end it always comes back to me. That's what I'm left with: just me. And that's what scares me more than anything. Me.

Cat Clarke

#2. You don't deserve Jack.
You don't deserve to sleep.
You don't deserve to live.

Cat Clarke

#3. They must hear the ghost of her whenever I speak.

Cat Clarke

#4. I hugged my knees to my chest, desperately trying to hold myself together so I didn't splinter into a thousand pieces. If I let go, no one would ever be able to put the pieces together again.

Cat Clarke

#5. It's when I'm alone that the doubt sets in. It's been that way for years. As long as there are people around, I can pretend that everything's OK. But I need that audience to pretend for, otherwise it doesn't work. Alone, I'm not that easy to fool.

Cat Clarke

#6. Everyone's got secrets, Jem. It's what makes people interesting.

Cat Clarke

#7. Has this version of me been lurking there all along, somewhere deep below the surface, biding its time, waiting for its chance to make an appearance?

Cat Clarke

#8. I smile. On the inside though, so no one can see. A secret smile just for me.

Cat Clarke

#9. He drives a newish-looking silver van.
Man in van = obviously dodgy.

Cat Clarke

#10. I wanted to grab his stupid ears and smash his stupid head against the door until his stupid brains leaked out. Instead, I did nothing.

Cat Clarke

#11. Everyone thought that things were getting back to normal. They had no idea that normal didn't exist for me any more. Normal had been smashed on the rocks beneath the bridge.

Cat Clarke

#12. The butterflies in my stomach turn into vampire bats as we pull up to the school.

Cat Clarke

#13. To be perfectly honest, it scared me a little. You get so used to seeing the same thing in the mirror every day you stop thinking about what you look like.

Cat Clarke

#14. You know what they say: "Your school years are the best years of your life." To which I say, "If that's true, I might as well kill myself now.

Cat Clarke

#15. It's amazing, the lies you can tell yourself. Even more amazing, the lies you can believe when you're desperate enough.

Cat Clarke

#16. I won't ever give up.

Cat Clarke

#17. I never lost the certainty that he was the perfect boy. The perfect boy for me anyway. I just tried not to think about it, because it made me ache inside.

Cat Clarke

#18. I didn't just wake up one morning and think, "I'm a boy!" It sort of crept up on me and tapped me on the shoulder a few times before I started to pay attention I began to think that the word "girl" didn't quite fit me. It was like a shoe that was too small -- it pinched me.

Cat Clarke

#19. Kind of just existed from day to day, on weird plateau of feeling nothingness.

Cat Clarke

#20. That was progress, right there. Except no one would ever know how hard I was working to keep my temper under control, because the whole point of keeping your temper under control is not doing things like throwing a milk carton in someone's face even though they clearly deserve it.

Cat Clarke

#21. Mothers can be so dense. Just act like you approve of what we're doing. We'll soon do the exact opposite, just to spite you.

Cat Clarke

#22. I called no one, and no one called me. I was suffocating with loneliness. The pain was almost physical. I felt like tearing myself apart. I wanted to escape from my own skin.

Cat Clarke

#23. It's too weird to think about - how death seems to rewrite all the rules. People who never talked to each other can suddenly cry together. People who used to be close can hardly bear to be in the same room.

Cat Clarke

#24. The thought of going to sleep forever was delicious. I was so very tired.

Cat Clarke

#25. Your brother is hilarious! And possibly gayEntangled by Cat Clarke

Cat Clarke

#26. And he could never understand that I could never feel OK again as long as I knew she was hurting.

Cat Clarke

#27. It's too late.
I chose life too late.

Cat Clarke

#28. Another prayer to a God I didn't quite believe in.

Cat Clarke

#29. I should have known that the cruelty of girls is intensified here, living together 24/7, hundreds of miles away from home.

Cat Clarke

#30. She didn't deserve to die. No one deserves that.

Cat Clarke

#31. Maybe this is how madness works. At first you're worried you're going crazy, but in the end you don't even care. You embrace it; it's the only thing you've got left. The only thing you can trust when the rest of the world has gone to shit.

Cat Clarke

#32. This is the real way a friendship ends. Not with some huge screaming row, but with a gradual withdrawal. You'd think it would be less painful this way.

Cat Clarke

#33. I know people think suicide is selfish, and maybe sometimes it really is. But what happened to Kai was beyond what anyone should have to cope with. I didn't blame him, not really. It just broke my heart that I wasn't enough to keep him here.

Cat Clarke

#34. Our midnight feasts aren't so much 'lashings of ginger beer' as 'whatever booze we can smuggle in'.

Cat Clarke

#35. You have to understand that not everything in the world is black and white.

Cat Clarke

#36. I lean into him and tuck my head into that space between his head and his shoulder - the space that I always thought was custom-made just for me.

Cat Clarke

#37. I remember. All of it. And it hurts. More than I'd ever thought possible.
I know where I am and what I've done and why I can't move or speak or open my eyes. And I'm scared.
It was all a terrible mistake.
I'd like not to be here. I'd like to go home now.
Please.
Please

Cat Clarke

#38. Kai, are you sure you're OK? You're acting a little weird.'
He kissed me on the forehead. 'Ah, Jemima! Weirdness is one of my many charms.' Then he grabbed me in a bear hug and squeezed so hard I thought I might pass out.

Cat Clarke

#39. I wish she knew that there are other options besides "complete and utter breakdown" and "plastic smile, everything's fine." There's a middle ground, waiting to be found.

Cat Clarke