C.D. Payne Quotes

#1. Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships.

C.D. Payne

#2. I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.

C.D. Payne

#3. Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable?

C.D. Payne

#4. I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with a Lance Wescott.

C.D. Payne

#5. Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every time I accelerated I could sense a Saudi Arabian somewhere was smiling.

C.D. Payne

#6. Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one's groin greets each day with such a gala spectacle of physical optimism?

C.D. Payne

#7. Now I know why women get their ears pierced. Once they've survived this ordeal of mutilation, they can face the discomforts of childbirth with equanimity.

C.D. Payne

#8. Dwayne! Don't be ridiculous. Guy's don't share their girlfriends.'
Why not?'
Because they don't. Men are instinctually competitive. It's so there'll be lots of wars to keep overpopulation in check.

C.D. Payne

#9. One of the tragic consequences of divorce is that the kids are legally obligated by the courts to spend a fixed amount of time with their dads. In normal families, dads and children happily ignore each other.

C.D. Payne