Brian Celio Quotes

#1. I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.

Brian Celio

#2. I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?

Brian Celio

#3. I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me!

Brian Celio

#4. I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?

Brian Celio

#5. Maybe the best way to get people to be pro-life is to start 'em off in amateur-life.

Brian Celio

#6. Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure.

Brian Celio

#7. Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live.

Brian Celio

#8. Let me be frank even though I'm Vincent and prefer to be called V.

Brian Celio

#9. The only way to get under me is to get over yourself.

Brian Celio

#10. Fire is no laughing matter. In a drunken attempt to appear womanly, my neighbor tried to burn her pubes off when she was fifteen, but it hurt too much to get it completely smooth. My friend had sex with her two years later and said her clit looked like a chestnut. I've been pro-bush ever since.

Brian Celio

#11. Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.

Brian Celio

#12. Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.

Brian Celio

#13. Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.

Brian Celio

#14. Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!

Brian Celio

#15. Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both.

Brian Celio

#16. Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel.

Brian Celio

#17. I wish my nose would blow me for once.

Brian Celio

#18. Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat.

Brian Celio

#19. A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.

Brian Celio

#20. You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right.

Brian Celio

#21. As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.

Brian Celio

#22. Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both.

Brian Celio

#23. What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found?

Brian Celio

#24. I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous.

Brian Celio

#25. I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.

Brian Celio

#26. Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own.

Brian Celio

#27. Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source.

Brian Celio

#28. He has your finger, but I have your heart.

Brian Celio

#29. True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't.

Brian Celio