Top 100 Bill Cosby Quotes
#1. You come to my comedy show to be entertained.
Bill Cosby
#2. You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.
Bill Cosby
#3. You can't prove somebody is a racist unless they really come out and do the act and is found to be that.
Bill Cosby
#4. And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.
Bill Cosby
#5. Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you're sitting in.
Bill Cosby
#6. Now, Richard Pryor was unique. Many misunderstood his humor. He lit up the hallway, but they didn't understand his use of profanity. He didn't use it just to be using it; he used it in the context of his satire.
Bill Cosby
#7. When I look at 55 percent of our black men dropping out of school, how bad off are we going to be when we need some lawyers?
Bill Cosby
#9. I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver.
Bill Cosby
#10. A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.
Bill Cosby
#11. Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Bill Cosby
#12. As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'
Bill Cosby
#13. If you want to be seen, stand up.
If you want to be heard, speak up.
If you want to be appreciated, shut up.
Bill Cosby
#14. You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.
Bill Cosby
#15. Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.
Bill Cosby
#16. The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.
Bill Cosby
#17. I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.
Bill Cosby
#18. Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.
Bill Cosby
#20. The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.
Bill Cosby
#21. I use the exercise room early, because I don't want to get on the treadmill and everyone's going 'Oh, Bill Cosby,' and then they come around to see how fast I'm walking, and it becomes very competitive.
Bill Cosby
#22. My father wanted me to play pro football, and he didn't like the fact that I'd left school. And he said, It takes a man to play football. And any fool can go up on the stage and make an ass of himself.
Bill Cosby
#23. Among the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there!
Bill Cosby
#24. 'I Spy' represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer.
Bill Cosby
#25. I don't spend my hours worrying how to slip a social message into my act.
Bill Cosby
#26. It's more blessed to give than to receive
especially kittens.
Bill Cosby
#27. I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
Bill Cosby
#28. Reunited with strawberry, raspberry and blueberry, I am berry, berry happy to be back working with JELL-O.
Bill Cosby
#29. There should be marches in every neighborhood every day telling the people about the negativity of drugs and how the drugs help us to behave negatively.
Bill Cosby
#30. Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Bill Cosby
#31. Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.
Bill Cosby
#32. That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
Bill Cosby
#33. It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
Bill Cosby
#34. There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
Bill Cosby
#35. I've always heard about people having a conniption, but I've never seen one.
Bill Cosby
#36. Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone.
Bill Cosby
#37. When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.
Bill Cosby
#38. In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor.
Bill Cosby
#39. If you took your child to the dentist and check for cavities, the child likely won't get them. If you take them just for emergency, that's all they're gonna get.
Bill Cosby
#40. Laughter brings out the child in all of us.
Bill Cosby
#41. There are no absolutes in raising children. In any stressful situation, fathering is always a roll of the dice. The game may be messy, but I have never found one with more joys and rewards.
Bill Cosby
#42. All parents experience the same problems.
Bill Cosby
#43. I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job ... and I don't want it!
Bill Cosby
#44. I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.
Bill Cosby
#45. I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences.
Bill Cosby
#46. People have all kinds of approaches when they come up to me. Some of them are so nervous: 'You know, Mr. Cosby, you are my biggest fan!' I am? Some of them even claim that I raised them.
Bill Cosby
#47. Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.
Bill Cosby
#48. The problems with kids having short attention spans is driven by entertainment, reset buttons on games, games having to do with getting somewhere and heads blowing up. Everything is 'cut to the chase, cut to the chase.'
Bill Cosby
#49. I don't care what right-wing white people are thinking.
Bill Cosby
#50. Karl Malden was a good friend of mine, and he said, 'You draw the people to you,' and I guess that's what I do.
Bill Cosby
#51. Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
Bill Cosby
#52. Education happens to be something that all people, all cultures, need to embrace. Math, science, the words of the world. To be able to speak and be able to have clarity and to be able to think. Those are the greatest of gifts.
Bill Cosby
#53. Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"
Bill Cosby
#54. In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.
Bill Cosby
#56. George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work.
Bill Cosby
#57. Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.
Bill Cosby
#58. My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.
Bill Cosby
#59. Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.
Bill Cosby
#60. YOU are a genius! ... and I am a genius because I married you.
Bill Cosby
#61. Grandparents are God's gifts to children.
Bill Cosby
#62. I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga ... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."
Bill Cosby
#63. In all of my career, the style is still the same, and that is of a friend, just sitting and talking.
Bill Cosby
#64. You are more important to yourself than you think you are.
Bill Cosby
#65. My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with ... That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.
Bill Cosby
#66. You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.
Bill Cosby
#68. Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
Bill Cosby
#69. Most of us learn to read by looking at each word in a sentence - one at a time.
Bill Cosby
#70. I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
Bill Cosby
#71. The absolute truth is that there is no power in celebrity.
Bill Cosby
#72. Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"
Bill Cosby
#73. I am not going to give in to people who try to exploit me because of my celebrity status.
Bill Cosby
#74. I'm supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty," I told her.
Without a moment's hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: "It depends on if you're drinking or pouring.
Bill Cosby
#75. People say to me, 'Do you know who you look like?' And I say, 'I'm really tired of looking like that guy.'
Bill Cosby
#76. Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.
Bill Cosby
#77. A pelican that is wet walks with a gaited limp, and the dry fish swims alone.
Bill Cosby
#79. I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along.
Bill Cosby
#80. When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that.
Bill Cosby
#81. All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right
Bill Cosby
#82. Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).
Bill Cosby
#83. Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!
Bill Cosby
#84. You can't compete with Walmart. But you can have smaller businesses that are successful.
Bill Cosby
#85. I'm not saying looting is good, ... But I'm saying surely at a time when your child needs diapers and you need food, when does looting stop ...
Bill Cosby
#86. I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"
Bill Cosby
#87. People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way.
Bill Cosby
#88. Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.
Bill Cosby
#89. When you become senile, you won't know it.
Bill Cosby
#90. There's no tradition today except initials, 'CSI,' 'NCIS,' all the rest. Even with reruns today, people don't know there was a 'Dick Van Dyke Show,' or 'Andy Griffith,' or 'Cheers.'
Bill Cosby
#91. My wife and I have five children. And the reason why we have five children is because we do notwantsix.
Bill Cosby
#92. The heart of marriage is memories.
Bill Cosby
#93. I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.
Bill Cosby
#94. In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Bill Cosby
#95. In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and ... mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.
Bill Cosby
#96. I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, mid-life for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter-miler, whose son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore, unless I bring something to read."
Bill Cosby
#97. I wanted to give the house back to the parents.
Bill Cosby
#98. Never say [to younger people] "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!
Bill Cosby
#99. People should fact check. People shouldn't have to go through that and shouldn't answer to innuendos.
Bill Cosby
#100. George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.
Bill Cosby
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
