Bart Yates Quotes

#1. It seems to be that loneliness is a small price to pay for peace and quiet.

Bart Yates

#2. He adores you, you know. You're very lucky to have a brother like that."
I fall into step with her. "Yeah, right, I'm the luckiest guy in the universe." I heave a sigh. "But in my next life I'd prefer a puppy, okay?

Bart Yates

#3. Every time a book opens, an angel coughs up a hairball.

Bart Yates

#4. But, Jesus, Tommy, what do you expect me to say? I grew up with you. When we were kids your fly was open more often than the twenty-four-hour laundromat. If your dick had been a gun you could have outdrawn Doc Holliday.

Bart Yates

#5. But some things never change. No matter what else happens in the universe - the fall of communism, the destruction of the ozone, the death of punk rock, whatever - you can at least put your faith in one thing: If a man is pretty, available, and breathing, Tommy will stick his dick in him.

Bart Yates

#6. Hygiene is for people like me; I've reached an age where I can no longer afford to smell like myself.

Bart Yates

#7. I should probably apologize for how much I swear, but fuck it. I've read that some people think swearing shows a lack of imagination and a limited vocabulary, but sometimes "darn" and "poop" and "oh heck" just don't cut it. Besides, swearing is kind of fun.

Bart Yates

#8. Sometimes you hurt people for no reason. Just because you can.

Bart Yates

#9. Want to know the biggest lie ever written? 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. What an unmitigated pile of shit.

Bart Yates

#10. The librarian is a caricature of librarian - short white hair, horn-rimmed glasses, a bosom you could hide Christmas presents under and a New England-tight-ass face that looks like she hasn's taken a shit since her family came over on the Mayflower.

Bart Yates

#11. I've been told on more than one occasion that I should stop reading so much and actually have a life, but do you know what I've figured out? People in books are much more interesting than the people who've told me that.

Bart Yates