B. Justin Shier Quotes

#1. Let me take a moment to point out the glaringly obvious. Humans are idiots.

B. Justin Shier

#2. Rei glanced over at me and nodded. "Exactly, Dieter. Just avoid having the cattle and keep walking." I cleared my throat. "A cow. It's 'don't have a cow.'" Rei frowned. "I fail to see why it must be a female.

B. Justin Shier

#3. There were many ways to extract information if you have more time? but if you were in a rush, they recommended flaying, crushing digits, or electrocuting the genitalia.(Say what you will about the Russians, they certainly didn't beat around the bush.)

B. Justin Shier

#4. Internal bleeding?"
"Indeed," she said, gesturing to a bag of light red fluid. "You pee blood as we speak."
I felt down to my nether regions and blushed. There was a tube in my wee-wee. Rei smiled gleefully.

B. Justin Shier

#5. To pass the time, I made valiant strides in my effort to read Ulysses, but feared I was losing the war. A hundred pages in, I was getting the sneaking suspicion that James Joyce might have been an asshole, and by Nebraska I was in a foul mood.

B. Justin Shier

#6. My Japanese designed, vacuum-sealed thermos was one of my most prized possessions. I had filled it up before I went to sleep so there were no worries. This baby laughed in the face of entropy.

B. Justin Shier

#7. I am aware that humans believe they are the sole owners of this curse, but all creatures love, Dieter. Love is our one shared madness, our one shared burden. All creatures are driven against sense by it, and even the lowest ant will die madly for her queen.

B. Justin Shier

#8. I fought the mighty urge to watch her put it on. My libido had just burst out of the closet and was tripping over furniture yelling, "Who? What? Where?" (Please excuse him. He doesn't get out much)

B. Justin Shier

#9. I snipped off the stem and took a knee.
"For you, my love. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet as your feet."
Jules smacked me on the back of the head.

B. Justin Shier

#10. In the past five minutes, I had managed to tease my libido, scald my crotch, and catch a world-class elbow with my forehead.

B. Justin Shier