Zero Punctuation Quotes

#1. The process of schooling does not give birth to human beings - as education should but never will so long as it springs from the collective consciousness of our culture - but instead it teaches us to value abstract rewards at the expense of our autonomy, curiosity, interior lives, and time.

Derrick Jensen

#2. Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#3. Money can't buy no blessins.

Ron Hall

#4. I picked it up 'cause the back of the box said the Kinect had "finally found its hardcore game" and I interpreted that as a challenge.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#5. It's difficult to root for America when the villains of the story live in a ditch and are armed with jagged rocks. At some point in recent years they looked up from their international heroism to realize they'd alienated the entire world.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#6. It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn't too. That was his whole thing.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#7. What can you do with a character who responds to everything by either punching it or deploying Bat Anti-thing Spray ... then punching it?

Yahtzee Croshaw

#8. Through our hardest times we have endured. Into our brightest times we are expanding.

L. Ron Hubbard

#9. Eats Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, by Lynne Truss.

John Golden

#10. You always have nerves. And it's important to respect your nerves and your doubts. And then you have to ultimately overcome them.

Michael Pitt

#11. For a long time she flew, only when she thought no one else was watching.

Brian Andreas

#12. Forget the accent, I'm a fucking American citizen, you arseholes - I know my rights. If you're going to start talking about getting violent, get a fucking cop or lawyer in here.

Christina Lauren

#13. What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?

Yahtzee Croshaw

#14. Fiction is the only way I know a human being can inhabit the mind of another human being.

Jhumpa Lahiri

#15. Horrors from beyond the veil of time and space are coming to eat us so shut up, sounds like a pretty good draw card for a leader to have.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#16. It creates an effective contrast, like riding a bike down a long and peaceful country road and every other hundred yards the bike turns into a bear.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#17. This is about as simple as games get. There isn't even the paltriest context for what you're doing; you're not exacting revenge on limbless pigs or feeding your pet bitch-lizard. You're a ninja, fruit is flying up in front of you, and fuck fruit. Sitting around all smug on trees and in pies.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#18. How exactly does a steam-powered gun turret differentiate between friend and foe? I wasn't aware that boiled water could form allegiances.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#19. A Shadow's Tale - I'm going to keep calling it A Shadow's Tale because fuck America for wanting to be different and special all the time.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#20. It's way too long and I gave up on it. Abandoning forever an innocent child to a hostile and unforgiving land. Sometimes I still hear him crying late at night. He sounds exactly like a malfunctioning air conditioner.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#21. If I ever really sounded
I would rupture
your eardrums
or your heart.

Audre Lorde

#22. Making the decision to leave Valve strikes me as right up there with turning down the throne to Narnia, but then call me an idealist, and I guess I probably wouldn't want to spend my whole life making new hats for Team Fortress 2 either.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#23. There's a new spell you get around level 50 called "Mirror Image" which might as well be called "Reap On, Ye Fucking Reaper Man".

Yahtzee Croshaw

#24. ...too often it's only children and old people who speak the truth. You just have to slow down and listen.

Eve Chase

#25. With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#26. Because in these healing texts, Jesus does not just cure people's diseases and cast out their demons and then say, "Mission accomplished." He's always after something more than that because the healing is never fully accomplished until there is a restoration to community.

Nadia Bolz-Weber

#27. Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts

Yahtzee Croshaw

#28. It doesn't matter how cruel a person is, they didn't deserve to die in that way.

Khali Raymond

#29. He floated along thinking he would like to love the world as it was, and he felt a great deal of accomplishment for the occasions when he did, since the other was so easy.

Charles Frazier

#30. Suffering became a door for me into the presence of Christ as he really is, not as I expected him to be.

Barbara Bancroft

#31. The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.

Yahtzee Croshaw

#32. If you're paying attention to your wardrobe, Rudy believed, your mind isn't sufficiently occupied.

Jack McDevitt

#33. New Super Mario Br - I'm just gonna call it "Steve" from now on, all right?

Yahtzee Croshaw

#34. As far as Elijah Prince was concerned, gay weddings could choke on their own cheery goddamned glitter and die.

Heidi Cullinan

#35. My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane got tired of waiting for people to hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us.

Yahtzee Croshaw