Your Nothing But A Joke Quotes

#1. See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy.

H. Rap Brown

#2. Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave ... her ... alone. Don't touch her. Anywhere! Just stop. Your touch does nothing but sicken her.

Jay Asher

#3. When I listen to the complaints that follow just about every presidential debate, I'm reminded of the well-worn joke about the Jewish mother who buys her son two shirts. When he shows up at dinner wearing one, she says: 'What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?'

Jeff Greenfield

#4. Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.

Linda Cardellini

#5. People think I'm selling feminism in my books, but what I'm really doing is writing advertising copy for expensive private colleges that most women can't afford anyway. Oh, and try to find a job with a major in English literature. No luck? Joke's on you, sucker!

Mary Gordon

#6. I'm a professional hanger outer. I'm a super liability, too. I joke around and I'm like a hyper-active child.

Donal Logue

#7. Sometimes you just create a joke out of thin air in the editing room. So I'm really glad I've had that experience. It gives me a little more confidence in front of the camera.

Ed Helms

#8. I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.

Dave Chappelle

#9. If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined.

Karen Traviss

#10. Lydia shook her head. "This is my life. Getting yelled at in a Walmart parking lot on a Friday night by somebody doing a bad impression of PG-13 fart-joke-movie comedian.

Jeff Zentner

#11. The old joke is that psychiatrists are doctors who can't stand the sight of blood. Maybe they can't stand it, but if they work where I work, they damn well better get used to it.
At least surgeons and prizefighters get to wear gloves

Mike Bartos

#12. Chance could share shit like that with his brother. Chance shared everything with his brother. To him, Quinn was some sort of superhero who occasionally got knee-walking drunk, told great stories, could crack a joke, and pissed him off from time to time.

Alex Morgan

#13. And I offer this book with the heartiest sentiments to all the jolly people who hate what I write, and regard it (very justly, for all I know), as a piece of poor clowning or a single tiresome joke.

G.K. Chesterton

#14. If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

Wanda Sykes

#15. You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it.

Quentin Tarantino

#16. I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

Ian MacKaye

#17. Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I really hope the internet sticks around so people can reference this article in my obituaries and see that what sounds like a joke was actually amazingly prescient.

Jason Sudeikis

#18. I have been invited to do something called 'Celebrity MasterChef' in England, which, of course, I can't do. It's complete nonsense. You have to be a decent cook to begin with. I'd be the joke one.

Lesley Nicol

#19. Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and we used the phrase just for the Happening, to have a catchy name for it; and then it immediately got taken up and brought into use. There's no defence against that - and really it's no bad thing.

Gerhard Richter

#20. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever knew real fear was the day Charlotte, my first child, was born. Suddenly there is someone in the world you care about more than anything.

Harlan Coben

#21. War is no joke, it seems. It destroys, kills, burns, separates, brings unhappiness.

Zlata Filipovic

#22. In all of Western civilization, there have been societies that celebrating the homosexuality, the ancient Greeks. But they, in fact, protected the institution of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. They got the joke. And the American people get the joke.

Ken Blackwell

#23. I never told a joke in my life.

Andy Kaufman

#24. A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap.

Kurt Vonnegut

#25. Twitter is a much more dangerous cauldron of groupthink than happy hours or dinners. On Twitter the reward comes from agreeing or loudly disagreeing with the joke, or the "smart take." In person you hash things out.

David Weigel

#26. It's hard talking about acting, in a way, because it's like explaining a joke: I do think it loses something in the telling.

Martin Freeman

#27. I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it's really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires ...

Nicole Holofcener

#28. In Europe, they travel a lot lighter. I always joke that my Indonesian passengers bring their house and their neighbor's house.

Tony Fernandes

#29. I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

Joan Rivers

#30. When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

David Byrne

#31. Damn, Ty, I'm getting slizzard," Mel says, sending everyone into bouts of laughter. "Dumb ass, you don't have a G6. You can't get slizzard in a frickin' Prius," I joke with her. We all laugh again

Julie Prestsater

#32. Thought you were making a James Band Joke. Hard to tell with that accent

G. Norman Lippert