Top 47 Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes
#1. There's something terribly weird about the standard fantasy setting
not least of which the fact the phrase "standard fantasy setting" can be uttered without irony.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#2. I picked it up 'cause the back of the box said the Kinect had "finally found its hardcore game" and I interpreted that as a challenge.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#3. It's difficult to root for America when the villains of the story live in a ditch and are armed with jagged rocks. At some point in recent years they looked up from their international heroism to realize they'd alienated the entire world.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#4. It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn't too. That was his whole thing.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#5. The Necromancer's Tower squatted over the river like an incontinent titan.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#6. The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn't
Yahtzee Croshaw
#7. If you ask me, the hypothetical zenith of gaming technology is direct neural interface - no body to hamper you and your brain is in whatever you want it to be in. Plus it leads to existential uncertainty, which could be entertaining.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#8. What can you do with a character who responds to everything by either punching it or deploying Bat Anti-thing Spray ... then punching it?
Yahtzee Croshaw
#9. Well we've left behind the 200X's, and we move onto the 20XX's. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we're living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#10. Reality is a cruel and unintuitive place with frustrating gameplay mechanics.
(Press X to thanklessly toil your life away)
Yahtzee Croshaw
#11. What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king?
Yahtzee Croshaw
#12. I am a crab. I am thinking crabby thoughts. I am tightening my grip on this rock with my big red pincers.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#13. I realized that the job of a hero is not to save the galaxy, or rescue princesses, or slay all the dragons. That may be part of it, but in the end, a hero only has one job, and that's to make himself unnecessary.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#14. Horrors from beyond the veil of time and space are coming to eat us so shut up, sounds like a pretty good draw card for a leader to have.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#15. And I hate to be a stickler for the rules but the Hibatsu Survival Settlement Charter clearly states that any individual who cannot reimburse the company in liquid assets must make it up with voluntary existence suspension.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#16. The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#17. It creates an effective contrast, like riding a bike down a long and peaceful country road and every other hundred yards the bike turns into a bear.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#18. Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#19. He hastily pulled off his dressing gown - revealing austere black boxer shorts and a threadbare T-shirt for something called Mogworld - and began twirling it frantically around his head.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#20. His perpetual grin was wider than any I'd ever seen, and that included several guys I'd known at Dreadgrave's with no skin on their faces.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#21. This is about as simple as games get. There isn't even the paltriest context for what you're doing; you're not exacting revenge on limbless pigs or feeding your pet bitch-lizard. You're a ninja, fruit is flying up in front of you, and fuck fruit. Sitting around all smug on trees and in pies.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#22. This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#23. How exactly does a steam-powered gun turret differentiate between friend and foe? I wasn't aware that boiled water could form allegiances.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#24. Fifty-story skyscrapers stood side by side with older ten-story buildings like fathers and sons at the urinal together.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#25. My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane got tired of waiting for people to hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#26. Making the decision to leave Valve strikes me as right up there with turning down the throne to Narnia, but then call me an idealist, and I guess I probably wouldn't want to spend my whole life making new hats for Team Fortress 2 either.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#27. Fair warning," I said. "We may die horribly the moment I turn this handle." "I beg your pardon?" I turned the handle. There
Yahtzee Croshaw
#28. There's a new spell you get around level 50 called "Mirror Image" which might as well be called "Reap On, Ye Fucking Reaper Man".
Yahtzee Croshaw
#29. With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#30. Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts
Yahtzee Croshaw
#31. A Shadow's Tale - I'm going to keep calling it A Shadow's Tale because fuck America for wanting to be different and special all the time.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#32. I'd sometimes pictured myself bravely sacrificing my life to save another, but my preference had always been that it be someone I actually liked.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#33. The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#34. I could think of no better place to secretly murder someone than inside a fridge. Well, actually there were probably several better ones, but none came to mind at the time.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#35. New Super Mario Br - I'm just gonna call it "Steve" from now on, all right?
Yahtzee Croshaw
#36. I woke up one morning to find that the entire city had been covered in a three-foot layer of man-eating jam.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#37. It's way too long and I gave up on it. Abandoning forever an innocent child to a hostile and unforgiving land. Sometimes I still hear him crying late at night. He sounds exactly like a malfunctioning air conditioner.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#38. The obedient Pit bull becomes the escaped tiger and it's got a knife
Yahtzee Croshaw
#39. I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love.
And then some git brought me back to life
Yahtzee Croshaw
#40. So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#41. He who trades pacing for gimmicky open-world freedom deserves neither.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#43. Last night we were noting, a freelance musician and an unemployed. But you know what we are now? ... Both unemployed?
Yahtzee Croshaw
#44. The jam had filled the courtyard and foyer and pushed the water out of the swimming pool. Where it touched the walls, little tendrils snaked their way upwards like searching fingers. There was an overpowering stench of strawberries.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#46. Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam.
Yahtzee Croshaw
#47. Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they're interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don't like people in the plural and I've seen very little to change my mind about that.
Yahtzee Croshaw
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