Top 100 Wodehouse's Quotes
#1. Mr. Wodehouse's idyllic world can never stale. He will continue to release future generations from captivity that may be more irksome than our own. He has made a world for us to live in and delight in.
Evelyn Waugh
#2. I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.
P.G. Wodehouse
#3. You agreee with me that the situation is a lulu?
Certainly, a somewhat sharp crisis in your affairs would appear to have been precipitated, Sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
#4. Love is a fever which, so to speak, drives off without wasting time on the address.
P.G. Wodehouse
#5. Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#7. He made a noise like a pig swallowing half a cabbage,
P.G. Wodehouse
#8. Judge of my chagrin and all that sort of thing, therefore, when, tottering to my room and switching on the light, I observed the foul features of young Bingo all over the pillow.
P.G. Wodehouse
#9. Don't forget that in pushing policemen into duck ponds the follow through is everything.
P.G. Wodehouse
#10. I remember her telling me once that rabbits were the gnomes in attendance to the Fairy Queen and that the stars were God's daisy chain. Perfect rot, of course.
P.G. Wodehouse
#11. Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.
P.G. Wodehouse
#12. Six of the juiciest from a cane of the type that biteth like a serpent and stingeth like an adder, as the fellow said.
P.G. Wodehouse
#13. I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat.
P.G. Wodehouse
#14. The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.
P.G. Wodehouse
#15. What I feel we ought to do at this juncture is to dash off somewhere where it's quiet and there aren't so many housesdancing the 'Blue Danube' and shove some tea into ourselves. And over the pot and muffins I shall have something veryimportant to say to you.
P.G. Wodehouse
#16. New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.
P.G. Wodehouse
#17. The stationmaster's whiskers are of a Victorian bushiness and give the impression of having been grown under glass.
P.G. Wodehouse
#18. What if he does think you the world's premier louse? Don't we all?
P.G. Wodehouse
#19. I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!
P.G. Wodehouse
#21. I call it rotten work, springing unexpected offspring on a fellow at the eleventh hour like this.
P.G. Wodehouse
#22. And of all the objects under my immediate advisement I noted this yacht with the most pleasure and approval. White in colour, in size resembling a young liner, it lent a decided tone to the Chuffnell Regis foreshore.
P.G. Wodehouse
#24. There was a moment's suspense while Conscience and Sheer Wickedness fought the matter out inside him, and then Conscience, which had started on the encounter without enthusiasm, being obviously flabby and out of condition, threw up the sponge.
P.G. Wodehouse
#25. There is her sty,' he said, pointing a reverent finger as they crossed the little meadow dappled with buttercups and daisies. 'And that is my pigman Wellbeloved standing by it.' Myra
P.G. Wodehouse
#26. It's curious how, when you're in love, you yearn to go about doing acts of kindness to everybody.
P.G. Wodehouse
#27. I never was interested in politics. I'm quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I'm about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings.
P.G. Wodehouse
#28. I must explain Henry early, to avoid disappointment.
P.G. Wodehouse
#29. A little bit added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more.
P.G. Wodehouse
#30. Many a time in the past, when an active operator on Wall Street, he had done things ... which would have caused raised eyebrows on the fo'c'sle of a pirate sloop - and done them without a blush.
P.G. Wodehouse
#31. There's no getting away from the fact that, if ever a man required watching, it's Steggles. Machiavelli could have taken his correspondence course.
P.G. Wodehouse
#32. she was usually keenly susceptible to weather conditions and reveled in sunshine like a kitten.
P.G. Wodehouse
#33. He couldn't have moved quicker if he had been the dachshund Poppet, who at this juncture was running round in circles, trying, if I read his thoughts aright, to work off the rather heavy lunch he had had earlier in the afternoon.
P.G. Wodehouse
#34. One of the rooted convictions of each member of the human race is that he or she is able without difficulty to open a door which has baffled their fellows.
P.G. Wodehouse
#35. I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
P.G. Wodehouse
#36. You go away and have a nice cup of hot tea,' said the agent, soothingly, 'and you'll be as right as anything in the morning.
P.G. Wodehouse
#37. About two hours afterwards Gethryn discovered a suitable retort, but, coming to the conclusion that better late than never does not apply to repartees, refrained from speaking it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#38. She gave the impression of smiling with difficulty, possibly for fear of getting wrinkles.
P.G. Wodehouse
#39. It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
P.G. Wodehouse
#40. Tell me," said Ashe gratefully, leaning forward in an attitude of attention, "all about the lining of your stomach.
P.G. Wodehouse
#41. Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
P.G. Wodehouse
#42. She laughed - a bit louder than I could have wished in my frail state of health, but then she is always a woman who tends to bring plaster falling from the ceiling when amused.
P.G. Wodehouse
#43. Bingo Little, under the influence of romantic love or, perhaps just under the influence;..once said,'There is no love without perfect trust','Who told you that?' asked Bertie Wooster incredulously.
P.G. Wodehouse
#44. As an energetic Socialist, I do my best to see the good that is in him, but it's hard. Comrade Bristow's the most striking argument against the equality of man I've ever come across.
P.G. Wodehouse
#45. She spoke as if she belonged to an anti-sausage society or a league for the suppression of eggs.
P.G. Wodehouse
#46. Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.
P.G. Wodehouse
#47. Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.
P.G. Wodehouse
#48. The drowsy stillness of the afternoon was shattered by what sounded to his strained senses like G.K. Chesterton falling on a sheet of tin.
P.G. Wodehouse
#49. Ask the first lion cub you meet, and it will tell you that, once you've tasted blood, there is no pulling up, and it's the same with opening telegrams.
P.G. Wodehouse
#50. Ah, well,' I said resignedly, 'if that's that, that's that, what?' 'So it would appear, sir.' 'Nothing to do but keep the chin up and the upper lip as stiff as can be managed. I think I'll go to bed with an improving book. Have you read The Mystery of the Pink Crayfish by Rex West?
P.G. Wodehouse
#52. The march of civilisation has given the modern girl a vocabulary and an ability to use it which her grandmother never had
P.G. Wodehouse
#53. It ought to be a criminal offence for women to dye their hair. Especially red. What the devil do women do that sort of thing for?
P.G. Wodehouse
#54. It's a mystery to me how kidnappers ever get caught.
P.G. Wodehouse
#55. Just another proof, of course, of what I often say - it takes all sorts to make a world.
P.G. Wodehouse
#56. I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.
P.G. Wodehouse
#57. The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.
P.G. Wodehouse
#58. The man was goggling. His entire map was suffused with a rich blush. He looked like the Soul's Awakening done in pink.
P.G. Wodehouse
#59. Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.
P.G. Wodehouse
#60. XVIII. THE LOCHINVAR METHOD XIX. ON THE LAKE XX. A LESSON IN PICQUET
P.G. Wodehouse
#61. Beggars approached the task of trying to persuade perfect strangers to bear the burden of their maintenance with that optimistic vim which makes all the difference. It was one of those happy mornings.
P.G. Wodehouse
#62. Well, you know what the Fulham Road's like. If your top-hat blows off into it, it has about as much chance as a rabbit at a dogshow.
P.G. Wodehouse
#63. There are only two kinds of Wodehouse readers, those who adore him and those who have never read him.
Richard Usborne
#64. It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
P.G. Wodehouse
#65. I sank into a chair and mopped the frontal bone. Not for many a long day had I been in such a doodah
P.G. Wodehouse
#66. The coops were finished. They were not masterpieces, and I have seen chickens pause before them in deep thought, as who should say: "Now what in the world have we struck here?" But they were coops, within the meaning of the act, and we induced the hens to become tenants.
P.G. Wodehouse
#67. I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.
P.G. Wodehouse
#68. She had turned away and was watching a duck out on the lake. It was tucking into weeds, a thing I've never been able to understand anyone wanting to do. Though I suppose, if you face it squarely, they're no worse than spinach.
P.G. Wodehouse
#69. If you haven't realised by this time that I love you, and always shall love you, and have never loved anybody else, and never shall love anybody else, you're a fathead
P.G. Wodehouse
#70. Bar a weekly wrestle with the "Pink 'Un" and an occasional dip into the form book I'm not much of a lad for reading, and my sufferings as I tackled The Woman (curse her!) Who Braved All were pretty fearful.
P.G. Wodehouse
#71. I have never written a novel yet ... without doing 40,000 words or more and finding they were all wrong and going back and starting again, and this after filling 400 words with notes, mostly delirious, before getting into anything in the nature of a coherent scenario.
P.G. Wodehouse
#72. And, anyway, no matter how much you may behave like the deaf adder of Scripture which, as you are doubtless aware, the more one piped, the less it danced, or words to that effect, I shall carry on as planned.
P.G. Wodehouse
#73. Wait a minute while I think," said Miss Peavey.
There was a pause. Miss Peavey sat with knit brows.
"How would it be ... " ventured Mr. Cootes.
"Cheese it!" said Miss Peavey.
Mr. Cootes cheesed it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#74. Stimulated by the juice, I believe, men have even been known to ride alligators.
P.G. Wodehouse
#75. If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.
P.G. Wodehouse
#76. Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.
P.G. Wodehouse
#77. I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.
P.G. Wodehouse
#78. Bertie, old man," said young Bingo earnestly, "for the last two weeks I've been comforting the sick to such an extent that, if I had a brother and you brought him to me on a sick-bed at this moment, by Jove, old man, I'd heave a brick at him.
P.G. Wodehouse
#79. It was one of those still evenings you get in the summer, when you can hear a snail clear its throat a mile away.
P.G. Wodehouse
#80. No novelists any good except me. Sovietski
yah! Nastikoff
bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.
P.G. Wodehouse
#81. I remember, back in England, the man I had before Jeeves sneaked off to a meeting on his evening out and come back and denounced me in front of a crowd of chappies I was giving a bit of supper to as a useless blot on the fabric of Society.
P.G. Wodehouse
#82. As life goes on, don't you find that all you need is about two real friends, a regular supply of books, and a Peke?
P.G. Wodehouse
#83. Nobody ever wants to do anything except what they are not allowed to do.
P.G. Wodehouse
#84. I don't know why it is, but I've never been able to bear with fortitude anything in the shape of a kid with golden curls. Confronted with one, I feel the urge to step on him or drop things on him from a height.
P.G. Wodehouse
#85. All I tried to do was to give the little brute a cheerful expression. But, as it worked out, he looks positively dissipated.
P.G. Wodehouse
#86. A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.
P.G. Wodehouse
#87. That is life. Just one long succession of misunderstandings and rash acts and what not. Absolutely.
P.G. Wodehouse
#88. Lady Underhill, having said all she had to say, recovered her breath and began to say it again. Frequent iteration was one of her strongest weapons. As her brother Edwin, who was fond of homely imagery, had often observed, she could talk the hind-leg off a donkey. "You
P.G. Wodehouse
#89. I gave it up. The man annoyed me. I hadn't the slightest objection to his spending his time planning massacres for the bourgeoisie, but I was dashed if I could see why he couldn't do it with a bright and cheerful smile.
P.G. Wodehouse
#90. I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#91. To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
P.G. Wodehouse
#92. The cells smell is a great feature of French prisons. Ours in No.44 was one of those fine broad-shouldered up and coming young smells, which stand on both feet and look the world in the eye. We became very fond and proud of it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#93. You can't be too careful how you stir up a policeman.
P.G. Wodehouse
#95. My earnest hope is that the entire remainder of my existence will be one round of unruffled monotony.
P.G. Wodehouse
#96. I pressed down the mental accelerator. The old lemon throbbed fiercely. I got an idea.
P.G. Wodehouse
#97. In all crises of human affairs there are two broad courses open to a man. He can stay where he is or he can go elsewhere.
P.G. Wodehouse
#98. Conversationally, I am like a clockwork toy. I have to be set going.
P.G. Wodehouse
#99. Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind a spiral staircase.
P.G. Wodehouse
#100. I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.
P.G. Wodehouse
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