Top 44 Were A Condom Sayings
#1. Tagged by a whiny little vamp. Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I'm a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.
Kim Harrison
#2. Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue.
Mark Gungor
#3. It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom.
Naomi Wolf
#5. Me and Vinny are dead careful, and we only had sex once without a condom, our first time, and it's a scientific fact that virgins can't get pregnant. Stella told me.
David Mitchell
#6. Liberty," he continued, wrinkling his nose at the used condom that lay on the bottom flight of steps, toeing it to the side of the stairs with distaste. "Someone could slip on that. Break their necks," he muttered, interrupting himself. "Like a banana peel, only with bad taste and irony thrown in.
Neil Gaiman
#7. A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
Bill Engvall
#8. I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis's voice like in Look Who's Talking. Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Tara Sivec
#9. As a film was little more than a ninety-six minute search for a condom, I had to wonder why anyone thought it wise to spend almost eighty million dollars producing it.
Marshall Thornton
#10. The difference between a retiring man and a used condom is that the condom isn't given a golden watch to inspire the illusion that it still matters to whomever that has just used it.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#11. One of the problems with sex education ... is that it also strips kids - especially girls - of their modesty to have every detail of anatomy, physiology and condom usage made explicit.
James Dobson
#12. It needs to become as easy to get hold of a condom in a poor country as Coca-Cola.
Clare Short
#13. Is that a condom?" I asked.
"Yeah, basically", she said.
"But is different than a condom? Like, what do you call the product?"
"A condom.
Lena Dunham
#14. Just a bit of advice," I mutter. "That sort of physical contact with Chloe Murphy should require a full body condom, lest you contract something extremely difficult - if not impossible - to get rid of.
Kim Holden
#15. She didn't tell me to use a condom, so I didn't: a bit of a risk, but it's her risk, not mine,
David Mitchell
#16. Princess, your temper tantrums make you as defective as an open-ended condom.
Gena Showalter
#17. Some men send me condoms and underpants. I'm not sure what they want.
Martine McCutcheon
#18. If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.
Stephen Colbert
#19. Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.
Katt Williams
#20. When someone is HIV-positive and his partner says, I want to have sexual relations with you, he doesn't have to do that. But when he does, he has to use a condom.
Godfried Danneels
#21. Do you happen to have another Condom? I think I've discovered the cure for headaches.
Stephen King
#22. Speaking of which, about assuming you had a condom - I just meant that you, with your experience, would be prepared for responsible sex, even if it were on the fly. An intelligent man is prepared for spontaneity.
Roberta Pearce
#23. And why did men insist on buying the largest size? Didn't they understand the concept of sizes? Did they think buying a magnum sized condom was going to fool me into thinking their Toyota Camery was an aircraft carrier?
Penny Reid
#24. The security guy asked my name address and phone number, and then he asked me what was the difference between a condom and a cockpit.
Chuck Palahniuk
#25. But since Sloth I've been so monogamous I make the demonstration banana that AIDS educators use to show how to put on a condom, look slutty.
Lauren Beukes
#26. I feel like I should have a formation and make the plantoon sergeants demonstrate how to put a condom on the correct way."
~Evan Loehr
Jessica Scott
#27. There are three things you never want to find in your boyfriend's locker: a sweaty jockstrap, a D minus on last week's history test, and an empty condom wrapper.
Lucky me, I'd hit the trifecta.
Gemma Halliday
#28. Sometimes you're about as funny as a busted condom.
Mark Coggins
#29. After slipping the condom on, he rolled on top of her, shoved her hair out of her face and held it while he got lost in those sea green eyes that, in a darkened room, shined bright.
He wanted her. And it wasn't just the sex. He wanted the whole nutty package.
Adrienne Giordano
#30. I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.)
Jarod Kintz
#31. The condom has saved so many lives, and it'll save so many more lives. We really owe a great deal to the rubber tree.
Mechai Viravaidya
#32. Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a condom full of walnuts ...
Clive James
#33. I'm not your old lady," I declared. He grinned and asked, "You aren't?" "No," I stated firmly. "In my tee, in my bed, after a night where my condom stash got lighter by three, lady. Beg to differ," he replied.
Kristen Ashley
#34. It's hard to unlock a door with a condom," Emma shot back.
His brilliant smile stole her heart. "Honey, you'd be surprised how many doors those babies have unlocked.
Jami Davenport
#35. I would think that if you understood what sex education is, you would get down on your knees and worship a condom.
Jane Fonda
#36. About President Bush's stand against condoms, condoms will not protect you from AIDS . So to just throw a bunch of condoms over to Africa and say, here, we're helping you with AIDS, is just going to further the spread of AIDS over there.
Christine O'Donnell
#37. I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
#38. Ranger was grinning widely. As soon as he got to Landry, who was still giggling, Ranger straddled him again and planted a hand on either side of his head as he spit out the condom.
Patricia Logan
#39. Religion reminds me of a lace condom. While lovingly crafted, it's not designed for pleasure; unless inflated with fervour, it collapses; one size does not fit all; and no matter how many times you dunk it in holy water, it will not prevent misconceptions or contagion.
Lowestoft Thellow
#40. My parents were high school sweethearts, which is a term that means "too stupid to use a condom.
John Goode
#41. I became a diligent condom carrier and when most subsequent lovers had the good fortune to lie under my grunting, sweaty mass, they were always the grimacing recipient of an eager and rubber-sheathed penis boner.
Rob Delaney
#42. Lock surveyed all the costumes. Some must have cost a small fortune and some were ridiculous. Is that supposed to be a used condom?
Shelly Laurenston
#43. I thought you were trying to prove to the board you're responsible?'
'I'll use a condom. Does that count?
Sarah Morgan
#44. The first time I had sex, I was scared I got the girl pregnant. And that was despite the fact we were safe. Luckily, we were fine. I would never risk not wearing a condom, it's too much of a risk. If you're not ready for a child, then don't risk it.
Harry Styles
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