Victor Borge Quotes

#1. My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Victor Borge

#2. Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.

Victor Borge

#3. He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Victor Borge

#4. There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.

Victor Borge

#5. The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)

Victor Borge

#6. What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.

Victor Borge

#7. (Shortly after Germany forced Denmark to sign a non-aggression pact in 1939) How nice. Now the Germans can sleep in peace, knowing that they will not be invaded by us.

Victor Borge

#8. The elephant smoked too much.

Victor Borge

#9. The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

Victor Borge

#10. I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Victor Borge

#11. The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.

Victor Borge

#12. One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

Victor Borge

#13. Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

Victor Borge

#14. You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky ... to Igor Stravinsky!

Victor Borge

#15. They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.

Victor Borge

#16. Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Victor Borge

#17. And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.

Victor Borge

#18. (Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?

Victor Borge

#19. Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year

Victor Borge

#20. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Victor Borge

#21. Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

#22. The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.

Victor Borge

#23. In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist
but I found I had nothing to say.

Victor Borge

#24. Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.

Victor Borge

#25. Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Victor Borge

#26. I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

Victor Borge

#27. Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

Victor Borge

#28. I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

Victor Borge

#29. You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

Victor Borge

#30. When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza ... I hate Liebestraum.

Victor Borge

#31. In my dreams of Heaven, I always see the great Masters gathered in a huge hall in which they all reside. Only Mozart has his own suite.

Victor Borge

#32. If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Victor Borge

#33. Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.

Victor Borge

#34. It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

Victor Borge

#35. I do not have a single white note on my piano; my elephant smoked too much.

Victor Borge

#36. When an opera star sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.

Victor Borge

#37. Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.

Victor Borge

#38. A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

Victor Borge

#39. Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye ... and that's my reward ... the rest goes to the government.

Victor Borge

#40. Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.

Victor Borge

#41. The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.

Victor Borge

#42. I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?

Victor Borge

#43. I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

Victor Borge

#44. (Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

Victor Borge

#45. There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.

Victor Borge

#46. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

#47. I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

Victor Borge

#48. That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?

Victor Borge

#49. I learned to play the piano on my mother's knee - that was before we got a piano.

Victor Borge