Unfunniest Quotes

#1. Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

Ronnie Barker

#2. Glenn Hoddle was probably the unfunniest man I have ever known

Tony Cascarino

#3. Just tell me how much money I have to give you to never leave this couch.

Justin Halpern

#4. Perhaps sex isn't of the body at all. Perhaps it is a function of language.

Zadie Smith

#5. Go on - but don't think you can kill my confidence. I've had experts doing it for years.

John Osborne

#6. When all else fails, stare straight into the sun.

Marty Rubin

#7. Traditions built upon Truth are eternal."

~R. Alan Woods [2012]

R. Alan Woods

#8. The criminal is not alone when he returns to the scene of the crime; he is joined there by his victim, and both are driven by the same curiosity: to relive that moment which stamped past and future for each.

Elie Wiesel

#9. I will tell you privately it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse all the time, but don't fret. Remember, we play the ball where it lies, and now let's not talk about this, ever again.

Bobby Jones

#10. I do as much comedy as I possibly can, but I'm basically limited by the imagination of the secretaries who make the decisions.

Rufus Sewell

#11. Why does my stomach flutter like it's filled with a thousand butterflies whenever I get near you? And I don't mean when I see you, I mean before I see you, I inquire as I search his face.

Amy A. Bartol

#12. sister died of the dropsy which had long afflicted her." "That will be for a coroner to decide.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#13. The motive power of democracy is love.

Henri Bergson

#14. Capitalism, in its imperialist phase, is a system which considers war to be a legitimate instrument for settling international disputes, a legal method in fact, if not in law.

J. Stalin