Top 31 The To Do List Funny Quotes
#1. You're a goddam funny kid, Clivey," he said. "I got sixteen grandchildren, and there's only two of em that I think is gonna amount to duckshit, and you ain't one of em - although you're on the runner-up list - but you're the only one that can make me laugh until my balls ache.
Stephen King
#2. Welcome to my garage! This is where I go to get away from the honey-do list.
Bill Engvall
#3. Funny, gorgeous, and a genius. What a package. He backed out of the parking space, smiling as he drove away.
I loved that he left crazy off the list.
I loved it even more that he would never think to add it.
Myra McEntire
#4. I only snatched him to get your attention," I said. "Now that I've got it, this is what I want."
"Damn my dame!" Al shouted, hands raised to the ceiling. "I knew it! Not another list!
Kim Harrison
#5. The point of the list wasn't just to tick items off and forget about them, it was to learn something new.
Lindsey Kelk
#6. As W.H. Auden pointed out, the Reaper takes the rolling in money, the screamingly funny, and those who are very well hung. But that isn't where Auden starts his list. He starts with the innocent young.
Stephen King
#7. I don't regret saying something," I said as he pulled down the street.
He glanced at me."Well, I regret not punching him in the face."
My lips twitched."Sorry. I couldn't let that happen."
"I'm sure I'll get another opportunity," He muttered, squinting out the windshield.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#8. I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing, I'm probably not the first person on their list - the weird, quirky, funny girl.
Whitney Cummings
#9. Alex the waiter was on my Spank Naughty list in third place, right after Henry Calvill the actor, then Henry Calvill as Superman. He was proof that God existed, and that God loved straight women.
Penny Reid
#10. Think back through your experiences and make a bullet point list of funny stories that have happened to you or your friends. Travel, school, college, parties, work, interaction with parents/in-laws, embarrassing situations, etc. Looking at old photos will help to jog memories.
David Nihill
#11. Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat.
Todd Stocker
#12. I'm so into you, it's not even funny. (Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List)
Rachel Cohn
#13. Babe, I don't know you and my no zone has a very short guest list. Consider my belt the velvet rope no one crosses without an express invitation.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#14. All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
#15. This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
Anthony Jeselnik
#16. I can embarrass myself very easily on guitar. It's funny because people say to me I can play anything; I'm God on the guitar. But I could make a big list of everything I can't play ... I'm grateful that people don't notice that.
Joe Satriani
#17. That just sounds so funny, A-list. Really, I'm a mom, and that's how I'm going to be all my life.
Angelina Jolie
#18. How happy is the Optimist / To whom life shows its sunny side / His horse may lose, his ship may list, / But he always sees the funny side.
Phyllis McGinley
#19. I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
Rudyard Kipling
#20. Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
#21. It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless.
Caprice Bourret
#22. While we're at it, why don't we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a reputation for its widespread availability and easy satisfaction of oral needs.
Benson Bruno
#23. She already had a headache-she didn't want to add 'get tortured' to today's to-do list.
C.C. Hunter
#24. I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn't have a bucket list - she has a kick-the-bucket list.
Lori Lesko
#25. I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits - and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!
Al Yankovic
#26. The following is a list of statements made many years ago by experts in their fields. At the time they were said they sounded intelligent. With the passing of time, they sound idiotic.
Sean Covey
#27. Think good thoughts. Or maybe conjure up your perfect guy, I try to list all of the things I want in a guy. Smart. Funny. Chivalrous. What? Mr. Darcy is hot. Great, now I'm thinking about Colin Firth and he's like my dad's age. So wrong.
Daisy Prescott
#28. Congratulations your 18! ... On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.
Frankie Boyle
#29. Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny.
Ilona Andrews
#30. Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.
Bauvard
#31. I don't need a president with a bucket list!
Chris Rock
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