The Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 100 famous quotes and sayings about the funny to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 100 The Funny Quotes

#1. Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."
My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look.
Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right.
"It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven."
"Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy. - Author: Jeaniene Frost
The Funny Quotes #9786
#2. I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I'm very well endowed. - Author: Bauvard
The Funny Quotes #12525
#3. She thinks you're stalking me."
"Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is. - Author: Margaret Watson
The Funny Quotes #12514
#4. I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless! - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
The Funny Quotes #11882
#5. On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside. - Author: Frankie Boyle
The Funny Quotes #11848
#6. The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock. - Author: Billy Corgan
The Funny Quotes #11487
#7. If you're driving your car and someone winds the window down and gives you the finger and calls you an asshole, instead of giving him the finger back and calling him an asshole back, you just pull a funny face, and he doesn't know how to react to that, because you're using different rules. - Author: Steve Coogan
The Funny Quotes #10776
#8. "I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird." - Author: Eddie Izzard
The Funny Quotes #10742
#9. And in repose one might have admired so fine a specimen of English manhood, until the foppish ways, the affected movements, the perpetual inane laugh, brought one's admiration of Sir Percy Blakeney to an abrupt close. - Author: Emmuska Orczy
The Funny Quotes #10677
#10. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?"
Michelle said dryly.
"That the boy most likely to become the next Unabomber has a crush on you? - Author: Carla Cassidy
The Funny Quotes #10599
#11. I've endured my entire life struggling from a split personality. The problem is that the other guy, a wise guy named (Jack) ... has always been in charge. - Author: Timothy Pina
The Funny Quotes #10324
#12. Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age. - Author: Julia Roberts
The Funny Quotes #10124
#13. It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' - Author: Garrett Hedlund
The Funny Quotes #10094
#14. Straight, huh? You know, funny thing is, often the straightest of trees have crooked roots. - Author: Ella Frank
The Funny Quotes #12658
#15. Every Friday is black where I work. - Author: The Covert Comic
The Funny Quotes #9760
#16. "The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned ... " - Author: Charles Dickens
The Funny Quotes #9747
#17. I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it. - Author: Ian MacKaye
The Funny Quotes #8682
#18. It's funny, you know. The times that seem so trivial end up meaning so much. - Author: Jeffrey Blount
The Funny Quotes #8434
#19. What I like about you is that I've never met anybody like you in my life. You've got depth and you're funny and you have a sweet, good soul." A breeze from the water passes over us, "And I admire your strength. - Author: Augusten Burroughs
The Funny Quotes #8210
#20. This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?"

"It's a walking stick, I'll have you know."

"Same difference."

"Hardly. It's fashion. - Author: Danika Stone
The Funny Quotes #7966
#21. Why couldn't you turn into a fireball when we were on the same team! - Author: Pittacus Lore
The Funny Quotes #7646
#22. How does one conquer fear, Don B.?" "One takes a frog and sews it to one's shoe," he said. "The left or the right?" Don B. gave me a pitying look. "Well, you'd look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn't you?" he said. "One frog on each shoe. - Author: Donald Barthelme
The Funny Quotes #7432
#23. Memory is funny. Once you hit a vein the problem is not how to remember but how to control the flow. - Author: Tobias Wolff
The Funny Quotes #6763
#24. If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days. - Author: Robin Williams
The Funny Quotes #6674
#25. Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree. - Author: G.K. Chesterton
The Funny Quotes #6270
#26. I guess what I always found funny was the human condition. There is a certain comedy and pathos to trouble and accidents. Like, when a driver has parked his car crookedly and then wonders why he has the bad luck of being hit. - Author: John Prine
The Funny Quotes #15626
#27. The sun weeps because it can no longer caress your skin or warm your lips." He sifted his fingers through my hair. "I do not envy the sun, Eva. But I truly hate the moon, because its light touches you in all the ways I cannot. - Author: Michele Bardsley
The Funny Quotes #18014
#28. Here's the funny thing about the response I've been aware of to my dating famous people: It's been very negative. I'm either not good-looking enough, not a good enough actor or not successful enough for these people. - Author: Dax Shepard
The Funny Quotes #17774
#29. Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either. - Author: Jerry Coleman
The Funny Quotes #17579
#30. It's funny being the big news every day - and the good news every day. - Author: Charlie Adam
The Funny Quotes #17347
#31. Zivojinovic seems to be able to pull the big bullet out of the top drawer - Author: Mike Ingham
The Funny Quotes #16951
#32. Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer. - Author: Steve McConnell
The Funny Quotes #16812
#33. I don't know why we, in the art world, cannot unpack things and sort of make hybrid notions of a practice. We're very rigid. It's funny, though; in music, we have no problem sampling, mixing and remixing. But in the art world, why can't we take little parts of history and mix it together? - Author: Mark Bradford
The Funny Quotes #16808
#34. There were girls at school whose families grew to a robust five or six. There were girls with seven or eight-which was thought a little enthusiastic - and then there were the pathetic ones like me, who had parents that were just helpless to it, and bred as naturally as they might shit. - Author: Anne Enright
The Funny Quotes #16525
#35. It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!? - Author: Jeff Hirsch
The Funny Quotes #16325
#36. As I remember it, the bases were loaded. - Author: Garry Maddox
The Funny Quotes #16086
#37. I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it. - Author: Les Dawson
The Funny Quotes #15986
#38. So how's the putrid pile of caca doing? - Author: Kate Carlisle
The Funny Quotes #15790
#39. I'm surprized Hitler didn't round up the toupee people. - Author: Larry David
The Funny Quotes #6228
#40. He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. - Author: Zsa Zsa Gabor
The Funny Quotes #15171
#41. Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see." - Author: Mitch Hedberg
The Funny Quotes #15128
#42. We're gonna get weaker. That's already happened. They used to say, you know, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now they're saying eat five fruits. That's evidence. You can't argue with that. - Author: Karl Pilkington
The Funny Quotes #15021
#43. I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always ... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there. - Author: Rhys Darby
The Funny Quotes #14940
#44. When I first started as an editorial cartoonist, I was terrified on a daily basis. Filling that hole the next day, knowing that tens of thousands of people were going to expect something funny. There is still that pressure, but you kind of learn how to cope with it a little better. - Author: Steve Breen
The Funny Quotes #14934
#45. God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. - Author: Jacques Deval
The Funny Quotes #14727
#46. America is a magical place, and I think my job, or the job of a lot of us European filmmakers is to just hold up America to Americans and present it to you in a new way. All I wanted to do is in a funny way say, "Look at your country. It's magnificent." - Author: Hans Zimmer
The Funny Quotes #14117
#47. This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.' - Author: Conan O'Brien
The Funny Quotes #13092
#48. Adina appealed to the sky. "We asked for rescue and you sent us incompetent rockstar pirates with a broken ship and perfect abs?"
"Thank you, God," Petra said. - Author: Libba Bray
The Funny Quotes #12834
#49. And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees. - Author: Bo Burnham
The Funny Quotes #12725
#50. I can't believe he's making you wait till January for an appointment."
"I could threaten to bomb the school. That'd get me in quicker. - Author: Jeannine Garsee
The Funny Quotes #12707
#51. It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon. - Author: Jackie Vernon
The Funny Quotes #1313
#52. And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up. - Author: Nigella Lawson
The Funny Quotes #3304
#53. The way you might fear a cow sitting down in the middle of the street during rush hour, that's how I fear Canadians. - Author: Maria Semple
The Funny Quotes #3272
#54. As an actor myself, the opportunity to sing and dance and be dramatic and be funny - it's really irresistible to actors. You get to show all sides of your talent. - Author: Elizabeth Banks
The Funny Quotes #2933
#55. I'm not a big prank guy, because I don't like them done to me. I've been on movies sets where one guys goes into his trailer, and then people move the stairs, and he comes out of his trailer, and there's no stairs. That's not funny! I don't want to be that guy! - Author: Terry Crews
The Funny Quotes #2310
#56. I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' - Author: Bob Newhart
The Funny Quotes #2206
#57. All of the films I'm doing are young, urban, high-concept, funny films. That's the zone where I'd like to play and have fun in. - Author: Vir Das
The Funny Quotes #2180
#58. I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something. - Author: Jon Stewart
The Funny Quotes #2126
#59. I grew up a really shy kid, but I always surrounded myself with a lot funny people. It depends on the day - if I feel like being quiet, I will be. I'm not a complete goofball, though. - Author: Manny Montana
The Funny Quotes #2057
#60. The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net. - Author: Russell Howard
The Funny Quotes #1865
#61. I was feeling the height of bitchiness. - Author: Jennifer L. Armentrout
The Funny Quotes #1788
#62. The tires are called wets, because they're used in the wet. And these tires are called slicks, because they're very slick. - Author: Murray Walker
The Funny Quotes #1547
#63. I see young quarterbacks just coming into the league, and they're throwing screens and layoffs right away. As funny as this might sound, I really learned a lot by going downfield, even in tight coverage. - Author: Peyton Manning
The Funny Quotes #1473
#64. The Salton Sea is a huge dead lake south of Palm Springs. There's a town there that's the asshole of the armpit of the world. You'd fit right in. - Author: Neal Shusterman
The Funny Quotes #3354
#65. I've seen people who are not very likeable but hilarious. I think comedians get to a point where they know they're funny, so they don't care - in the sense that they know what they're doing. They have a skill. - Author: Ted Alexandro
The Funny Quotes #1285
#66. It's funny when I hear people complain - particularly about the most fabulous parts of being a designer, like when you're getting ready to work on a show. I don't even know that I'm tired. I could stay up for six days straight! No drugs, no coffee, no nothing. I'm just so excited. - Author: Michael Kors
The Funny Quotes #1161
#67. Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. - Author: Tamora Pierce
The Funny Quotes #1115
#68. Sarcasm isn't at all funny when it's the truth - Author: Colleen Hoover
The Funny Quotes #1019
#69. The older I get, the faster I was. - Author: Charles Barkley
The Funny Quotes #938
#70. The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. - Author: Will Rogers
The Funny Quotes #768
#71. He can't get broke so long as he is stuffed with money. - Author: L. Frank Baum
The Funny Quotes #506
#72. What I don't like is when I see stuff that I know has had a lot of improv done or is playing around where there's no purpose to the scene other than to just be funny. What you don't want is funny scene, funny scene, funny scene, and now here's the epiphany scene and then the movie's over. - Author: Paul Feig
The Funny Quotes #410
#73. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. - Author: Steven Wright
The Funny Quotes #372
#74. Funny, there had been a time when building things was what America did. From massive dams to towering skyscrapers, from mechanized factories to moon rockets, the nation had created, had viewed that as part of the national identity. - Author: Marcus Sakey
The Funny Quotes #352
#75. Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop? - Author: Henny Youngman
The Funny Quotes #90
#76. I know that look. What are you up to, Gwen?"
"What makes you think I'm up to something?"
The Valkyrie snorted. "You're breathing, aren't you? - Author: Jennifer Estep
The Funny Quotes #4904
#77. People get burned out in big families, you can even see it in the naming of children. Like the first kid, "You were named after Grandma." The seventh kid, "You were named after a sandwich I had. Now get your brother, Reuben." - Author: Jim Gaffigan
The Funny Quotes #6066
#78. He slammed the door shut in Ian's face, the lock clicking into place. Ian hit it again with his fist before roaring, If I were a pervert, I'd be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive. - Author: Rose Wynters
The Funny Quotes #5758
#79. I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control. - Author: Steven Wright
The Funny Quotes #5740
#80. I really like 'Gladiator.' I like 'The Dark Knight.' I really liked, when I was a kid, 'U.S. Marshalls.' I like funny movies, too. 'Old School' and 'The Hangover.' 'The Hangover' was up there; I liked it. - Author: Matthew Stafford
The Funny Quotes #5646
#81. A funny thing about charisma: the same people who can make you feel an inch tall can also make you feel huge, fortified, sometimes almost simultaneously. - Author: Garth Risk Hallberg
The Funny Quotes #5608
#82. Hey guys, what did the lion say after eating the clown?" The boys stopped. One looked confused, but the other grinned. "What?" he called. "I don't know about you, but I think that tasted kind of funny. - Author: Erin Nicholas
The Funny Quotes #5577
#83. I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. - Author: Kinky Friedman
The Funny Quotes #5571
#84. You realize you've been staring at me for the past five minutes? - Author: Catherine Doyle
The Funny Quotes #5369
#85. Every once in a while you definitely have to film someone for half an hour saying something that you do not think is funny because for the previous two hours they said a bunch of stuff that you think is really funny. - Author: Seth Rogen
The Funny Quotes #5200
#86. It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method. - Author: Edward Hopper
The Funny Quotes #5132
#87. A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! - Author: Rodney Dangerfield
The Funny Quotes #5060
#88. The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent. - Author: Calvin Trillin
The Funny Quotes #5031
#89. She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late. - Author: Sophie Kinsella
The Funny Quotes #44
#90. Boys do suck the brains out of smart girls. - Author: K.A. Tucker
The Funny Quotes #4603
#91. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time. - Author: Steve Martin
The Funny Quotes #4561
#92. Bush, Blair and Rumsfeld; they are the funny trio. - Author: Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf
The Funny Quotes #4327
#93. If I had to pick another career, I'd be an optometrist for potatoes. That's where the money is. - Author: Peter Wisan
The Funny Quotes #4089
#94. The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology's only credible conspiracy. - Author: Bauvard
The Funny Quotes #4043
#95. A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key. - Author: Jennifer Lopez
The Funny Quotes #3999
#96. My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought. - Author: Brendon Urie
The Funny Quotes #3993
#97. You ever go to shop for tuna, and it says "dolphin safe", and you look at it and kind of go, "Yeah, but"-like somehow you think it's not going to be as good? Like, "I want to do the right thing-but it's probably kind of bland without the dolphin." - Author: Louis C.K.
The Funny Quotes #3798
#98. [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples. - Author: Virginia Woolf
The Funny Quotes #3549
#99. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go. - Author: Kendall Ryan
The Funny Quotes #3529
#100. I guess the breakfast burritos are going to have some extra protein in the morning. - Author: Jon S. Lewis
The Funny Quotes #3401

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