Steve Martin Funny Quotes

#1. In crime books it's possible to chart forensic technology by how well it has to be explained to a reader. In mid-Victorian crime novels fingerprinting has to be explained because it's new. Nowadays it's part of our world and we can simply assume that knowledge if we write about it. - Author: Sara Sheridan

#2. I believe in eight of the ten commandments. I believe in going to church every Sunday ... unless there's a game on. - Author: Steve Martin

#3. You know, a lot of people come to me and they say, "Steve, how can you be so funny?" There's a secret to it, it's no big deal. Before I go out, I put a slice of bologna in each of my shoes. So when I'm on stage, I feel funny. - Author: Steve Martin

#4. Death wears a ball gown. - Author: Lisa Mantchev

#5. Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore. - Author: Steve Martin

#6. Our contemporary brand of socialism has one fatal flaw. It's too expensive. When you try to shower benefits on so many recipients, you eventually must resort to subterfuge. Foremost among those tricks is money and credit expansion. Inevitably, you debase your currency. - Author: James Cook

#7. Mind that is fast is sick, a mind that is slow is sound, and a mind that is still is divine. This is what the Bible means when it says, Be still and know that I am God. - Author: Eknath Easwaran

#8. I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers. - Author: Steve Martin

#9. There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey. - Author: Dick Van Dyke

#10. Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing. - Author: Steve Martin

#11. When you are new at sheep-raising and your ewe has a lamb, your impulse is to stay there and help it nurse and see to it and all. After a while, you know that the best thing you can do is walk out of the barn. - Author: Wendell Berry

#12. I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things. - Author: Steve Martin

#13. It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo. - Author: Steve Martin

#14. Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong. - Author: Ronald Reagan

#15. Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. - Author: Steve Martin

#16. I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. - Author: Steve Martin

#17. A willingness to offer advice on matters that are quite beyond the ken of the adviser seems to be a habit in this part of the world. - Author: Alex Macintyre

#18. Every heart blooms with a touch of love. - Author: Debasish Mridha

#19. Steve Martin is one of the most intelligent, well-read human beings that I've ever come across. He is equally as funny off screen as he is on. But he also has a very intellectual side, and he's a really nice human being. We actually become good friends. - Author: Anthony LaPaglia

#20. "Out of any piece of wood a god may be carved. - Author: Arthur Schopenhauer

#21. It's funny that some ideas start with a little "What if?" and then suddenly you're spending a million dollars to shoot the scene and hoping that it works. - Author: Steve Martin

#22. 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. - Author: Steve Martin

#23. Will you boys please escort the prisoners to our aircar on the roof? When we reach 5000 feet on the way home, let them escape... - Author: Hal Stryker

#24. What are you going to do to preserve a tradition that is the peculiar and unique culture that Judaism inculcates? The American Jewish community is not going to survive by lining up against its common enemy. - Author: Arthur Hertzberg

#25. Kids like my act because I'm wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there's a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny. - Author: Steve Martin

#26. The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Author: Steve Martin

#27. You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again. - Author: Steve Martin

#28. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time. - Author: Steve Martin

#29. Youngsters of Little League can survive undercoaching a lot better than overcoaching. - Author: Willie Mays

#30. Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. - Author: Steve Martin

#31. The only way for mankind to survive is for religion to die. - Author: Bill Maher

#32. The student who secures his coveted leisure and retirement by systematically shirking any labor necessary to man obtains but an ignoble and unprofitable leisure, defrauding himself of the experience which alone can make leisure fruitful. - Author: Henry David Thoreau

#33. I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers. - Author: Steve Martin

#34. Movement is my medicine, my meditation, my metaphor and my method, a living language we can rely upon to tell us the truth about who we are, who we are with, and where we are going. There is no dogma in the dance. - Author: Gabrielle Roth

#35. I always tell people that to be the funny person in a Steve Martin movie is like getting a call that Keith Moon wants you to play drums on his record. He should be playing drums on his record. - Author: Jason Schwartzman