Short And Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

List of top 42 famous quotes and sayings about short and funny to read and share with friends on your Facebook, Twitter, blogs.

Top 42 Short And Funny Quotes

#1. When I was one day old, I learned how to read. When I was two days old, I started to write. By the time I was three, I had finished 212 short stories, 38 novels, 730 poems, and one very funny limerick, all before breakfast. - Author: Jon Scieszka
Short And Funny Quotes #1439384
#2. I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life. - Author: Screamin' Jay Hawkins
Short And Funny Quotes #746738
#3. I was intentionally curbing the impulse to be funny and hiding the ability. I wrote any number of very serious attempts at poems, short stories, novels - horrible. At a certain point, I recognized that it was fun to write dialogue that had a degree of lightness and humor. - Author: Patrick DeWitt
Short And Funny Quotes #809793
#4. May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch - Author: Keisha Keenleyside
Short And Funny Quotes #827016
#5. I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. - Author: Ze Frank
Short And Funny Quotes #861173
#6. [Razo] knocked, peered inside, then jumped and shut the door, quiet as brushing two feathers together. He smiled at his own stealth, then swaggered right into a chair, banging it against the wall.
You oaf. He cut short his swagger and began to move with exaggerated sneakiness. - Author: Shannon Hale
Short And Funny Quotes #881324
#7. The rage that had expolded inside me diffused. I didn't know where it had come from. I had a short temper and often acted impulsively,but this had been intense and ugly even for me. Weird. - Author: Richelle Mead
Short And Funny Quotes #943330
#8. David Lynch and I almost made a movie together in the late '80s. We had lots of dinners and lunches. He's a very cool, hip guy. This film, let's face it, is like an homage to him, I would imagine he'd find it funny. - Author: Martin Short
Short And Funny Quotes #1023829
#9. Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay Gaol, which in those days was still in use and heavily populated by larcenous young men who had chosen their parents less wisely. - Author: Clive James
Short And Funny Quotes #1030618
#10. He put on a short-sleeved white T-shirt and tried not to flex when he checked his reflection in the mirror. Is this what women felt like when they put on miniskirts? - Author: Rainbow Rowell
Short And Funny Quotes #1167243
#11. Gansey had no idea how old Blue was. He knew she'd just finished eleventh grade. Maybe she was sixteen. Maybe she was eighteen. Maybe she was twenty-two and just very short and remedial. - Author: Maggie Stiefvater
Short And Funny Quotes #1174594
#12. Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be funny.' - Author: Bob Hope
Short And Funny Quotes #729274
#13. And I thought I knew him. I knew him; I repeat it in my head bitterly. It's a funny thing to say, you know, to think that you know someone. Well, maybe once I DID know him, but I just wasn't smart enough to notice him change, because people do change, sometimes we just choose not to notice it. - Author: Melanie Sargsian
Short And Funny Quotes #1468980
#14. What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short,' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military> - Author: Deb Caletti
Short And Funny Quotes #1494230
#15. When I die, I want it to say 'Short and Funny' on my tombstone. - Author: John Requa
Short And Funny Quotes #1589345
#16. I got mixed up with some oddness in my youth, and the long and short of it is that I can't shuffle off this mortal coil until I have read the ten most boring classics. - Author: Jasper Fforde
Short And Funny Quotes #1609232
#17. But men are funny about their wars, they act as if they own them, and perhaps they do, for I don't think women ever start them. - Author: Pippa Goldschmidt
Short And Funny Quotes #1696610
#18. Rueful, bittersweet, funny, written with tenderness and bite, Merrill Feitell's stories, like so many classic short stories, are made from the plain and painful stuff of this world, and haunted by the possibility, and the impossibility, of a better one. - Author: Michael Chabon
Short And Funny Quotes #1715728
#19. Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly,
Laugh Insanely, Love Truly,
And Live With Passion. - Author: Andy Vogt
Short And Funny Quotes #1769062
#20. Justin Hermann is one of the best new voices in short fiction-deep and entertaining as hell, with many funny lines, unexpected turns of events, and great insights. Wonderful stories: each one is a trip! - Author: Josip Novakovich
Short And Funny Quotes #1817594
#21. Isn't it funny how trusting husbands are? How easily they eat the food put in front of them by their wives, without ever wondering if there might be something wrong with it.

You could mix anything in it, and they would never know. - Author: Sudha Kuruganti
Short And Funny Quotes #1828651
#22. Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn't seem to care.
I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma's a bitch. - Author: Darynda Jones
Short And Funny Quotes #478457
#23. Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar. - Author: Alexis Ohanian
Short And Funny Quotes #30677
#24. Leonard had let them go alone with the young boy who Ali was now convinced, was a couple falafel's short of a picnic - Author: L.R. Currell
Short And Funny Quotes #53103
#25. I invited Onyx to be my plus one. Of course she was all in when I added that Grandma A had a massive swimming pool and was within a short driving distance to a two-story bookstore. - Author: K.R. Grace
Short And Funny Quotes #96329
#26. There is little more I can add short of dissecting the man, or going into intimate details such as the modest proportions and slight southeasterly curvature of his manhood. - Author: Felix J. Palma
Short And Funny Quotes #123091
#27. The clock struck eleven and cat the vampire huntress was on the loose, except my battle armor was a push-up bra, curled hair, and a short dress. Yeah, it was a dirty job, but I was going to do it. Come one, come all, bloodsuckers! Bar's open! - Author: Jeaniene Frost
Short And Funny Quotes #128469
#28. You're very short, aren't you?" She smirked at Petunia. "And you've got a nose like a stoat," Petunia replied. "But at least I can always have my gowns altered. - Author: Jessica Day George
Short And Funny Quotes #160121
#29. Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real. I respect that, and he's just a really funny dude - great comedy instincts. To do stand-up on a stage for an hour and tell stories and make people laugh is incredible. - Author: Cameron Boyce
Short And Funny Quotes #215312
#30. It was funny, in her old age, to look back and see for how short a period her nest had NOT been empty. Relatively speaking, it was nothing - empty far longer than full. so much of herself had been invested in those children; who could believe how briefly they'd been with her. - Author: Anne Tyler
Short And Funny Quotes #263962
#31. Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) - Author: Jane Dentinger
Short And Funny Quotes #428607
#32. Babe, I don't know you and my no zone has a very short guest list. Consider my belt the velvet rope no one crosses without an express invitation. - Author: Sherrilyn Kenyon
Short And Funny Quotes #474892
#33. Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water. - Author: Charles Dickens
Short And Funny Quotes #27012
#34. The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it. - Author: Arthur Smith
Short And Funny Quotes #502688
#35. I'm going to do the old 'plaster removal' technique and just get the pain over with in one go: 'Life's Too Short' isn't funny to me. - Author: Ian Watson
Short And Funny Quotes #513873
#36. So I'm delighted to open up a bit about these particular details, in honor of Valentine's Day (when every balding, chubby, and short actuary wants people - especially the babes out there - to know about his studly past"
From: "My Best Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story - Author: Zack Love
Short And Funny Quotes #547945
#37. I particularly like Twitter, because it's short and can be very funny and informative. It's a little bit like having your own radio program. - Author: Margaret Atwood
Short And Funny Quotes #565497
#38. I really wanted to find a piano for the farm house. There were so many free pianos on Craigslist, I thought, 'Let's get as many free pianos as we can and stick them all in the barn.' I got eight in a short period of time, only six of which were tunable, but it's still quite funny. - Author: Neko Case
Short And Funny Quotes #621415
#39. The world looks very different to me now at twenty. I have outgrown my early opinions and ideals with my short dresses, just as Mrs. Walton said we would. Now the critics can say 'Thou waitest till thy woman's fingers wrought the best that lay within thy woman's heart. - Author: Annie Fellows Johnston
Short And Funny Quotes #635414
#40. Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully.
Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost. - Author: Lewis Carroll
Short And Funny Quotes #674084
#41. I love funny people. I met and became friends with some of the funniest people ever. Gilda Radner, bless her soul; Martin Short; Dave Thomas; Eugene Levy. - Author: Paul Shaffer
Short And Funny Quotes #681156
#42. In a funny way, poems are suited to modern life. They're short, they're intense. Nobody has time to read a 700-page book. People read magazines, and a poem takes less time than an article. - Author: Caroline Kennedy
Short And Funny Quotes #723334

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